online slot stupidity

Hi Londonbloke, i'm so glad you commented and so glad you are still an active member of this forum. I remember when I first joined in 2009 and your diary was one I always went back to. As I recall you went to some very dark places and through it all you were so straight talking and honest and I was just rooting for you from the sidelines. This is what I like to read - a real account of the highs and lows, the relapses and the triumphs.... eventually culminating in a success story. Not sure if it's yet a success story for you but the fact that you're still here and still sharing shows that you're well aware of your problem and confronting it head on... massive respect Londonboy and i've bookmarked your diary to read again x

With regards to R********a, I saw the massive roulette loss. I saw the air of confidence on his face as he says 'i'm going for the 100K' the prospect of losing the 34K never even enters his head. It's not rational thinking at all and it's exactly as I was everytime I logged in to play. I've sent the link to myself on facebook to watch everyday as a reminder of how we can so easily lose control.

In his responses to that video, he says he doesn't regret it and he only started with £300 so it wasn't really his money he'd lost - but If he'd have clicked that withdraw button, that money would have been his!

It's at times like this that you really have to evaluate w*f you're doing if you can turn £300 into £34K and it's still not enough. It's basically a once in a lifetime thing that most of us could only dream of.

I am not one to judge, but I have found as a compulsive gambler that you always want to go bigger than your last win. Imagine the stakes he'll have to play now.... it really is a progressive disease and it's scary!

I've unsubscribed from his video's today as yesterday I think he turned £100 into 4K and it's not something I need to see atm. Another thing is I get frustrated with his supporters all shouting out to him to 'gamble' or 'just do one more spin'. These aren't supporters, they're people like me who go on to get a secondary fix with a sick desire for him to lose so it validates their abstinence.

Thing is, I've got to really like his character and I don't want him to lose, so it's kind of pointless me watching now. I seriously wish him all the best and hope he is one of the one's who lives the dream and makes 100K but if not and he loses everything in the process - I hope Amsterdam and 21 casino point him in this direction where he can start rebuilding his life again.

Anyhow, best get a move on ... off out in a bit to a birthday bash....Pass me the vodka, I deserve it 🙂

Day 3 almost done! X

So i'm on day 5.

My mood is very low. I have idea's on how I can change this, but lack the motivation to do so.

Generally when I feel low, I play slots as a quick pick me up. I guess the good news is I know this is no longer the answer.

Day 6.

Feel worse with each passing day. P****d off with seeing gambling related advertisements all over my Facebook page. Logged out, deleted cookies and logged back in. Doesn't make a shred of difference, they're all over the place. The more I click and say they're not relevant, the more they show me.

Don't know how many casino's i've blocked from messaging me, but i'm still being messaged God knows how many times a day. Htf are you expected to make a new start with constant reminders everwhere?

Keep thinking i'll feel better tomorrow, nope!

Hey Chan..s**t days will come and go love...it's all part of the journey I'm afraid....
And yes....advertising is everywhere....huge coincidences or clever marketing...but my Facebook got stampeded by sites I played on....even after id excluded from them....they blamed Facebook.....Facebook blamed the sites ! id never so much as " liked the sites on Facebook in case anybody saw that...
I found by using the " I don't agree with it....and the offensive option " button...they did stop....
Keep plodding on love...you realy can do this....and fantastic that you came here for a rant...x

Hey Lozzie,

Thanks for the support and the advice hun, will try and return it when i'm feeling a lil stronger.

Yesterday was the 7 day mark - a day of reflection and the point at which I had my biggest urge and almost let myself and everyone else down.

I recieved a 100% match deposit email which triggered thoughts of

if I just deposit £500, i'll have 1k to play on the slots with...... I'm not like I was last week .... I know I lose control on Roulette, so i'll just stick to slots..... I used to do alright on slots..... there has to be a way around these blocks!

I nipped on Youtube and watched ******* latest vid which was attempting to make enough profit for a stream that night. He lost over 2K and it settled my urges somewhat, so I subscribed again to his streams thinking they helped.

Later that night, was sat reading and got a notification that a live stream was on, so decided to tune in. This time he made a few grand from next to no balance which set my mind whirling again.

I logged in to the casino that had offered me 100% ..... No idea how the block let me enter the site and my heart rate instantly started to speed up, was deciding how much I was going to deposit and working out what the wagering requirements would be when I realised I couldn't see any slots. I could see the headers for slots, live casino etc etc but there were no games to click on. I closed the site and re-opened it, same result. Installed an updated version of Java (I'm so untechnical but thought this may have been the cause) Still there were no games.

I located Gamban in my computer and clicked to delete it. I literally spent an entire hour trying to get those d**n blocks off my phone and computer so I could deposit, I was too weak to even manage a full week!

But, although I was intent on self-destruct last night and I was beyond P****d off that I couldn't get my fix at the time, I'm happy that I have tested these blocks to their limits now and thankfully they do exactly what I wanted them to do in that rare moment of sanity and clarity when I installed them!

So day 8 is here..... along with a lesson for all about the importance of firm blocks.

Willpower falters, mine especially it seems!

Chan (getting slightly less pre-occupied with gambling, but still probably dominating my thoughts 70% of the day).

Hi Chan

Check this thread out how to stop FB gambling pages it's worked for me

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/facebook-ads#comment-1868629

I heard people say watching others gamble helps them but it doesn't seem to help you I'd knock it on the head and give the streams a wide berth. At the end of the day if you don't won't to slip up stay away from slippy places.

KTF

That's just genius KTF!

I now live in Dubai ... for the foreseeable anyhow.

I made sure this update wasn't going public as I would have been bombarded with a million questions. God knows what kind of stuff i'll get down my newsfeed now, maybe 'local' attractions I can visit lol. All better than gambling ads though.

Will take on board what you said regarding the streams, possibly do something more productive, like catch up with Corrie lol.

Cheers KTF, hope all is well with you x

It's late, i'm a lil tipsy.

Had a good day today. Productive at work and celebrated my mates birthday tonight. She's my biggest supporter and I can't thank her enough for just being there for me these past HARD weeks... Happy Birthday Lucy!

You are my strength and I thank God for you! X

Night all and keep gamble free, i'm entering day 10, double figures! X

Hi guys,

Just checking in to let you know i'm past the two week mark now. Starting to feel a little better.

Very motivated at work, even though the place is a tip (the printer life!).... my main point is that every day i'm making more progress.

I do have gambling thoughts regularly, mainly wondering what the hell got into me with the bets I was placing, you would think I was loaded!! Anyhow, money is trickling back in slowly and at least it's not being frittered into the pockets of some casino boss.

Will take forever to make back what I lost but at least I put an end to it and realised the place I was headed if I carried on so I'm giving myself a little credit. I was dedicated to gambling, I often spent all night persuing the 'big win' so if I redirect that focus to my work life I will definately start seeing the benefits.

Reading a lot in my free time which relaxes me, also listening to guided meditation before bed to focus my mind on the positives. My health is improving and will just continue to take each day as it comes. One day i'll join that gym lol.

Chan

Did the facebook tip work Chan?

It did!

I've not seen a single advertisement since I changed my home address to Dubai! That has to be the best tip i've ever been given. Cheers! x

Hi, i'm just checking in.

I've had two relapses since I made this final attempt to stop. Very annoyed with myself as I only started writing again when I thought i'd reached a point where I seriously wanted to stop. I thought I had blocks in place and was confident I could go a long stretch comfortably (a least until I updated my phone, which is when I usually let my guard down). I think I forgot just how much of a grip this addiction has on me.

So after a few drinks three weeks ago, I had received yet another enticing match bonus from the casino which I'd had my most significant loss. I came home from the pub and was desperately trying to get on via my phone/laptop, even considering going staying at my Mum's overnight just so I could log in and use her computer .... pathetic isn't it?

Then I came across an old Iphone that I was going to sell on eBay and had a lightbulb moment. It had no blocks, I plugged it in and waited for what seemed like an eternity for it to turn on. Then I eagerly opened the casino and deposited, without so much of a thought of the fact i'd be jeopardising my recovery. I just couldn't wait to get into the action again. Obviously, I lost and came crashing back down to reality with a bang!

I was ashamed to come on here and admit i'd only managed about 16 days abstinence and decided once i'd got another week behind me i'd come back. I blocked the iPhone with K9 and felt confident to start again.

The following week, I got yet another match bonus offered to me in an email. For some reason I clicked it and it led me straight into the site, I thought it was a one off site that hadn't been filtered so I checked a few others and sure enough I was allowed into every single casino.... I started gambling again and the money went down rapidly.

I actually spent enough to take myself almost 3K in debt which was hard for me to handle considering almost two months ago I had a healthy bank balance of over £10K. I also transferred £300 out of my business account which is something I swore I would never do to fund gambling. Now it's not a case of wanting to stop gambling, I simply cannot and do not want to continue.

The following day, I collected all the savings I had in my house which was £1.8K and paid it into my bank. I then contacted my bank and asked them to lower my overdraft/emergency funds so that I don't get into an unmanageable financial situation... It really did scare me this time!

I also asked that my card be changed into a cash card only as I have a clear gambling problem. So now I cannot spend any money online which suits me fine!

I then self-excluded from all the casino's that I believe 'owe me' and put K9 on my computer which I know is reputable and works reliably.

Should have put these additional blocks in place a while back but you just assume you're doing well and getting your life back on track when you're hit with a weak moment and your sanity is instantly gone again!

Not sure why the original block suddenly failed to work, maybe I had just installed a trial, who knows?

Anyway I'm not going to dwell on my many mistakes - I'm on day 6 again and feeling brighter but not complacent. Need to update my diary more and actually use it to document my urges so I can understand why and what triggers them. I pray that I don't keep working for the benefit of the casino's.... it's demotivating and disheartening and I lose my passion for the job that I enjoy.

Please let this be my ultimate turning point.

Chan