Online slots...

Hi Loxxie,

Was sitting at my computer and out of nowhere an urge to gamble came on. Was going to search for a new site I haven't self excluded from n thought I better get on Gamcare instead and there was a post from you.

So instead of gambling I've read your diary.

Thank you x

Hope you enjoying time with your kids and grandkids x

Margy

Hi Loxxie I have found your diary to be a constant reference point from the beginning, very relevant to my own addiction/recovery so I csn't thank you enough for being so honest and open. So 135 days in I am off on a mini break,P with a modest amount in my pocket, enough for some small treats. In the past I would either have blown this money or be saving it to gsmble. Have a good weekend take care S 🙂

Hi Loxxie I have found your diary to be a constant reference point from the beginning, very relevant to my own addiction/recovery so I csn't thank you enough for being so honest and open. So 135 days in I am off on a mini break,P with a modest amount in my pocket, enough for some small treats. In the past I would either have blown this money or be saving it to gsmble. Have a good weekend take care S 🙂

Hey Loxxie :))

Pleased to say I'm now a grandad :)) , He arrived safely over the weekend at a healthy 9lb 1 and he's beautifull and gonna be spoilt rotten that's for sure :))

Sorry for the late post but it's all been a bit manic here as we'd been down to your part of the world to get the fosterkids reunited for one last time over the weekend , so I didn't get to meet my new boy until I got back on Monday and am back to work tommorow after 3 months so also busy preping the shop , I really don't know these day's how I ever managed to have the time to gamble , I guess life's just got so more to offer now eh ? :)). .

Just a quick fly bye but thanks for the concern honey , it's much appreciated , I hope all's well with you and your clan , especially your daughter as I think last time we spoke she was just getting a new place , so I hope it's gone well ?.

Talk to you my luvverly !

And take care of yourself :)) xx

Hi Loxxie thanks for popping by and yep it is like a deluded fog has cleared and now this is what life is supposeductive to be. Sure I still have my ups and downs (who doesn't! ) but done live in a state of fear and sadness. As ever your journey is one of encouragement and a goal to aim for, take care S x

Afternoon Honeybunch :))

As soon as I saw your post yesterday I thought Mmmmmh .....................?.................? " That's a Tankard " LoL :)) .

So how is art school going ? Hey ! It's the thought that counts and thank you very kindly for the lovely post :)) .

Hope your all well and the pub's busy despite the weather ? Sorry we didn't pop in the other week , t'was all a little rushed TBH but we had a nice few day's at the home of the " Black Swan " apart from the bleedin rain ! .

So back to work now , 3 months off and it feels like I've never been away , roll on retirement :))

Talk to you soon Sweetie , love to all xx

Sending hugs x

Hey Sweetie :)).

I'm so sorry to hear the sad news of your father passing away and my condolences to you and your family .

I know you say you can't be sad however old they are the tears will flow , as you know I lost my mum about 5 yrs ago now and she spent the last year living with me taking care of her after her stroke , I thought I was prepared for the inevitable as I'd been told a rough time scale but when that day came I still wept like a little boy , I'm not sure if that was for me losing her or the fact I was happy in away that she was like your dad no longer suffering , so I'm sending a cyber kiss and hug ((((xx)))).

Family are strange as well and I can fully understand the strange feelings of not being in contact with people for so long , My auntie ( Dad's sister ) passed away a couple of weeks ago and to be honest I can't remember the last time I saw her , I spoke to her when mum passed to let her no but none of them came to the funeral or even sent a card so I was suprised when one of my cousins called to say I was welcome to come to the funeral but I thought long and hard and decided just to send flowers and a nicely worded message of sympathy , I guess I felt like I would have been out of place after all this time ?.

I hope you get the chance to explain your addiction but maybe she wouldn't get it anyway ( many don't ) but whatever the outcome be proud of yourself Loxxie for how youve turned your life around to become a better person to everyone you hold dear :))>

Yep ! back at work now and as busy as when I packed up , all the regulars are back which I take as a huge compliment after 3 and a half months closed but I can't help feeling I need another week off to get over the one I just worked :(( .

My Partners taken her kids and our foster son over to the IOW for aweek while I slave and toil away , I think I'd have been hung if I'd taken more time off , LOL .

Anyhow , once again I'm sorry for your loss Hun and I hope the funeral goes as well as it can on such a sad day .

Love and best wishes for now Loxxie .

XXXXXX

Dive on in Lox :))

So he's that old and still living on other peoples diary's is he ? .

I must admit I looked last night for somewhere to post but found he's no fixed abode , so I'll just forward his mail on to " The man with no name , somewhere near Cadbury world " :)) .

It's a shame we can't give him the " Bumps " now that would be a laugh :))

Hope things have gone ok with you regards your Dad and your in my thoughts :)) xx

Happy birthday BIG D , wherever you live :))

Kisses

Haven't updated my diary for a while...still mooch about here every couple of days when time allows...
My addiction leaves me in peace for which I'm soooo grateful...urges to hit the online slots have long since faded into what feels like a previous life...adverts...reminders of any sort no longer trouble me...I can see them for what they are...and thankfully over the last few months I've come to accept theve no place in my life....
I'll always be on the look out for signs that my addiction will rear up again...and I make myself remember the dreadful place it took me too....
Soooo life's very different to how it was back along...
Nothing earth moving...just normal things...
The things I wanted to do if I won on the slots !
Paying bills on time..
Decorating..New household bits..carpets..curtains..furniture. .
Treating the kids and grandkids..
Little holidays .
Hairdos..nails..clothes..
Meals out with the family...
Well....I'm doing all that...with my money that I've earnt...that I've saved....that I haven't chucked online !
I'm sure winter trade here will be quite slow compared to this summer...but that's ok...I'm already thinking ahead...and that ..I've never done !
My relationships with all that matter is how they should be..I feel like because I'm not hiding my addiction I can just be myself....I'm not telling lies...covering things ...or robbing Peter to pay Paul...so I can just be me !
I can deal with life's ups/downs without the help of an online slot machines promise to fix everything !. ..how daft does that read...but it's what I thought for so long...it's me that solves things not a machine....and it's me that keeps myself gamble free...knowbody else...know block's. ..no magic formula...all those things kick started my journey...helped me get going...but my life long journey is in my hands...my choice..
I never ever imagined I could get to a better place in my life...the day I arrived here it felt like I was a "knowbody"
A person who had lied..manipulated..ignored..and hurt everybody who mattered to me...the shame...the guilt...the embarrassment of admitting to being addicted to online slots...gut renching !
But now...I am somebody again..I'm me !
I'm a wife/mum/nanny/landlady..
I'm not perfect...I never will be..
I'll settle for loxxie...
A lady who'll respect her addiction for what it done to me.....and do what I got to do to keep it past tense ....

A beautiful post Loxxie that I've read ... and will re-read.

Hello me Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurvely :)) .

Can see your doing great Lox and that's another one of those smiley post's right there .

I suppose there's a few of us now who can see the difference between how it was for us when we first arrived in a right old

mess and now how things seem clearer by the day and life ............well life's just life and doesn't hold the same fears as it did anymore .

I don't get as much time as I used to on here but have the odd day wher I have a couple of hour's , I'm just flabbergasted at how many people still turn up here and particularly of late the f and f's that suffer at our hands but it's good to see that side of gthe fence too .

Anyhoooz , keep doing what your doing our kid as it's deffo working and I'll catch you real soon .

Hug's and kisses

Alan xxx

Ps , I think it's Deano'sor as I like to call him now ( POTTY MOUTH ) year coming up soon but I'm not sure if it's tommorow ? as his old diary seems to have been ripped up and stamped on by admin :)) , so if you speak to him tell him his dad love's him and Congratulations and I'll speak with him another time :)) xx

Sorry Hun just realised you posted to me before I sent mine to you :)) .

I'm really glad everything went well at Dad's funeral and that you managed to spend some time with your sister , the time will arrive I'm sure when you can have a real heart to heart :)).

It doesn't sound harsh at all regarding your dad , It's about celebrating life instead of mourning thier passing , the tears do come out though and I thinks it's a good time to let go of it all , we bottle it all up during the preperations so it's a good realease on the day . They might leave us Lox but their always remembered love :)) .

Look after yourself and I'll warn Pompey of your arrival :)) .

xxx

Sorry Hun just realised you posted to me before I sent mine to you :)) .

I'm really glad everything went well at Dad's funeral and that you managed to spend some time with your sister , the time will arrive I'm sure when you can have a real heart to heart :)).

It doesn't sound harsh at all regarding your dad , It's about celebrating life instead of mourning thier passing , the tears do come out though and I thinks it's a good time to let go of it all , we bottle it all up during the preperations so it's a good realease on the day . They might leave us Lox but their always remembered love :)) .

Look after yourself and I'll warn Pompey of your arrival :)) .

xxx

Deano's a year on Monday