Online slots are the work of the devil.

How are you doing now Suz?

I am typing this on a tiny screen as I have put some much blocking software in place that I am blocked from logging into my gamcare account on my ipad !!! I currently have NO access to gambling and have put a hammer to my old iPhone as it was too old to allow bet filter to be installed. I know have bet filter on my ipad and am using my Android phone with a safe search website browser that blocks gambling. Google has gone forever and it feels good! ! I got paid today and have so many debts to repay from last month's disastrous set back, but at least I am on my way to freedom. A long long time ago (when smart phones didn't even exist) I had gamblock installed on my pc and it was the best thing I ever did. It has takenot me a while to figure out the best way to put blocks in place but I think I am finally there. Yay. So satisfying . Starting from scratch but this time a bit more armoured and ready to fight this battle. Thank you all for your lovely messages. It means a lot xxx

Great to hear from you, pleased you're doing ok x

SO, my betfilter app is working wonderfully. Psychologically, knowing that I have no access has made me think about gambling less, and can honestly say that over the past 3 or 4 days it hasn't entered my mind once. I wish I'd got it sooner, but I'd locked myself out of my iPad with the restrictions code, and it took me ages to work out how to reset to factory settings. I'm on an automatic 3 month renewal so it will just keep automatically working. Funny how I quibbled at paying £24.99 to protect myself from wasting hundreds on gambling, but wouldn't have thought anything about having a flutter on the slots with £24.99.

I have a financially AWFUL month due to 3 payday loans coming out for the STUPID frenzy of gambling I had last month. I also have my Stepchange payment coming out for £394 (which is peanuts compared to how much I was paying for separate credit card repayments). I wish I could pay off more, because the prospect of 6.5 years of £394 a month is sickening, but then I would be leaving myself really short and the temptation to gamble might kick in for a quick financial fix (of course the reverse would actually happen, and I'd just be adding mountains of debt to my Mount Everest sized debt).

Someone at work was talking about their student debt being £12k and everyone looked shocked "o*g, that's so much debt" . Little do they know that mine is triple that with nothing to show for it apart from a box of letters from credit card companies and a credit rating that's in tatters. Sometimes I wonder if it would've been easier to go bankrupt, but then I don't want all the stigma that goes with it.

Enough rambling. I have to think positive. This time next year I will have approx £4,500 less debt. I wish it was £10k less, but it won't be, and I have to accept that. I had a eureka moment the other day and figured that if I did 2 extra agency shifts (as a nurse) that I would have an extra £400 a month which I could pay towards my debt, so in effect, I could halve the time it took to pay it off........the reality of it is that I already do 3 x 12.5 hour shifts a week (mostly nights) and barely have enough time to have life as it is (by the time my body clock syncs itself ) so I'm certainly not going to fit in more work. Maybe that would be fine if I didn't have a son, but it's not fair on him at all.

Ramble over. Just off to poxy Tesco to get some food (in between shifts). Then for a much needed glass or 3 of wine whilst trying to iron a weeks worth of clothes whilst simultaneously catching up on TV.

Happy Saturday all. Stay strong, don't have a flutter after a drink,.......cos waking up on a Sunday with a hangover is bad enough, but waking up on a Sunday with a gambling hangover is 100 times worse. We all work bloody hard to earn our money, let's not give it to the clowns in the gambling industry who are swanning around in diamond studded cars thanks to our addictions. Lots of love Suz xxxx

Day 17 for me (3rd time lucky!!)........ I have to keep reminding myself that I got to 120 days previously, and that this time I'm doing to get there again, but this time it needs to be permanent. The betfilter software is a lifesaver, but in all honesty I haven't had any urges anyway. I guess I really did hit bottom this time around, so the only way is up now. I cannot gamble EVER again........simple as that. Have a good gambling-free day all xx

Excellent 😀 Good stuff.

Excellent to hear you have picked yourself back up again. It must be frustrating to know how hard you are going to have to work to pay off the debt but at least everyday you are getting a little closer to getting rid of it for good. Slow steps and all.

Take care

Day 24 for me. It's peanuts, but it's a good dent into being FREE from that money-sucking, mood-wrecking, soul destroying world of online slots. I actually have nearly £350 to last me until pay day. This time last month I had NOTHING and was working my way through payday loans, hoping that they would accept me. The funny thing is that I don't want to spend any money anymore.....not on ANYTHING!! This time round I have a funny feeling that I may have cracked it. Hate to sound like a stuck record but Betfilter is the best thing that I ever bought. So so so much happier and content than I was a month ago when I was "looking forward" to having a flutter in the evening, but losing hundreds in the process, and then staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning to try and win it all back. SUPERMUG !! Anyhow got to get some zzzzzzzz. Keep going. we can do this. No more self-harming for me ever again. My mojo is finally coming back and I love it 🙂 xx

Hey fluffy cat

Just been reading through your diary. Like me, you work so hard for your salary and in the past, have lost it all to gambling. I know that feeling so well. When I was reading through it, I found myself talking to the screen saying "exclude from all sites or put a block on your devices"! Lovely to read that you have now done this.

Working long shifts, under so many demands/targets etc ( I am a Probation Officer) is not great. In the last twelve months, there has been so many changes and demands on my role that I was at one point, detesting my job, a job I have always loved and enjoyed doing in the past. What I do catagorically know however, is that, adding gambling to this mix is even more soul destroying and takes up what spare energy we have left after work, both physically and mentally too.

Keep going and im sure you will soon see your g.f days quickly increasing.

Take care.

Our Lady.

Day 36 for me. Yay. I've not posted on here so frequently asked I didn't want to become preoccupied with gambling. I managed to save ВЈ450 this month towards a holiday. It goes to show that without gambling I can be such a better person. I also got a new job in critical care, so less stress for me too. It's a win win month so far. The only downside is the horrific total of £834 that I have to pay this month towards debt repayment (half of that is payday loans so it's not my usual debt repayment amount). I will take it on the chin and carry on being proactive. The dark days are over for me now. I must NEVER gamble again xx

Day 42. So pleased. 🙂

fluffycat wrote: Hi Fluffycat, we are pretty much in the same boat! I'm in my early forties, single mum and have been addicted to online slots for 5/6 years and until I came here just couldn't see an end to the grip it has over me. I think boredom and possibly the wanting to in prove my finances (when in fact it does the total opposite)contributes to wanting to gsmble. So do whatever to distract yourself, colouring, knitting, swimming anything!! Late night was also my time, almost like a treat for getting through the day 🙁 Although awful circumstances I feel reassured that I'm not alone so thank you 🙂 happy mothers day and best wishes. S

I will keep my intro short and sweet. I've posted on various other forums on here so don't want to bore the pants off people. I'm a 42 year old mum with an online addiction to slots, £33k debt and countless relapses. My best run has been approx 130 days, but this time I have more prevention tactics in place; a Stepchange debt plan; a destroyed credit history and am in the bad books with the bank. I simply CANNOT allow myself to gamble EVER again. To make it clear, buying a lottery ticket or a single scratch card doesn't affect my "run" as I only ever buy a ticket or a scratch card about once every 6 weeks (£3 tops). However, if I were to register with another online gambling site, it would start as an innocent £20 dabble and end the night approx £500 in more debt, crying my eyes out, hating myself, getting about 20 minutes sleep before work, being stroppy, quiet, and self-loathing all day.

I'm currently on day 5 of no gambling. I don't have any urges but I have an odd feeling that I cant explain. I feel like a smoker that needs a f*g, and yet I don't WANT to bet, it just feels like the withdrawal from the buzz. The last time this happened (when I managed 120 days +) I used to play the demo version of the game just to feel like I was playing but without losing money. In fact it did me a favour because I lost thousands of imaginary money and reminded myself of how lucky I was that it wasn't real money. It also showed me how rigged the games are, and how a certain pattern emerges in the game. It's like you "peak" after a bonus round, your adrenalin is sky high, you get a false sense of security and then lose the lot because you think you'll get another go at the bonus round and don't think that banking under £200 is worth it !!!! £200 is loads of money in real life, but on that bloody screen it's like peanuts.

SO, I lie here in bed thinking that I may have to invest in a bloody colouring book for adults to keep me distracted before bed (I'm a single mum, give me a break!!) Just before bed was my FAVOURITE time to gamble, but also the most deadly time due to no interruptions. I have waffled on a lot here. By day 300 I will have run out of Xxxx to talk about. SO, onwards and upwards. Here's to day 6 being successful and this diary being a blatantly truthful and useful tool for me. Big pat on the back to everyone who's made it through the day without a bet xxxxxxxxxxx

53 days and not one single inclination to gamble online. This is my second best record so far. If I can get past 120 days I am at an all time best. Just have to remember that I am not invincible and that temptation can occur at anytime without warning or without reason. Yes, I still have a hideous amount of debt, but gambling isn't going to solve it overnight or at any time EVER. I just have to keep paying my debt management plan and suck it up. I wish you all the best of luck in your quest to stay gambling free xxx

Well done fluffy cat, you are doing so well.

Yes, the best way to go about our debt is to most definitely not to dwell on it but instead, as you said, suck it up, keep making the payments and in the meantime, move on positively with our lives. That we can most definitely do when we remain g.f.

Take care and keep striding forward.

Our Lady

MASSIVE FAIL. The day after being so positive, for some CRAZY reason, I became obsessed with wanting to clear my debt off quicker and thought that I "deserved" a big win. My iPad had crashed earlier in the week and I had to reinstall it to factory settings which meant only one thing ......no betfilter. The same old "just one £30 bet" turned into an approx £700 3-day frenzy. 3 days of waking up feeling like xxxx and chasing my losses. I'm worried that i'll NEVER kick this disgusting habit. The only good thing is that I used up money I had saved (and all my wages for the next 10 days) rather than getting into debt. I applied for a loan but thank god, they turned me down, or that would've gone too. For about the fourth time of trying to quit, I have reinstalled the betfilter app. How many times do I have to do this to myself before I learn my bloody lesson..??? Distraught is not the word.