Online slots - Rock bottom!!!

Hi and welcome back ☺

Wish you well on your journey ahead. Keep applying everything what stops you from the disaster. It is possible, the question is - how much work are you willing to put in?

Keep posting and looking ahead!

Sandra

Hi Diary,

Checking in on day 1.

Thanks Sandra, i am willing to work really hard. I want my life back. I hate who i have become, the days turn into weeks, turn into months when i would keep lying to myself that things would get better ....what an idiot i am. I am totally an utterly addicted to the spinning reels of hell and depair...yet, i couldnt get enough of it. The time i have lost....make me hurt so much just thinking about it..

Everyone is different and copes differently, i think that i need to deal with life with gambling around me, i dont think that the software on my computer will work - but what will? my partner. He hates me being locked on my comp screen, he distracts me by talking about mindless stuff...my ex and i just didnt speak, so i hid away...hid away from reality i think.

I have everything to live for and nothing much more to lose, so i thought i hit rock bottom before but nah, this is it!! My eureka moment...i need to rebuild my life and remember the life i had before online gambling come into my life and ruined it, and not just for me.

Financial blocks are in place as i have no money, heading to the shops not knowing if my bank card will work after hours spet on my latest binge... so low and pathetic. I will be paying off debts for a very long time to come...but at least i wont be gambling I guess.

Hi Diary

Checking in on day 2.

Just seen the last of my latest gambling money go out of my bank account and it makes me feel sick inside. Why? I dont understand how my addicted brain can make sense of the fact that its right to gamble £x,xxxk away when you owe so much out in debt - most gathered by the stupid fantasy that one day, that big win will come.....

I saw in the local news that a guy was found dead today near to where i live, in the past i have often wondered how / what make people think they have no way out....i am starting to see why they do. I do not want to spend the rest of my years feeding this addiction i hate it....but i also love it too.

I dont get paid until next tuesday and i have £0 to my name until then, not even the wretched payday lenders will touch me! I look at those ridiculous gambling adverts and just think its absolutely criminal how its portrayed as some fun! Look at how many good people are turned into liars, thieves and lose out on quality time with loved ones....all because we think its fun??

Onwards and upwards....

Hi hun I've been terribly addicted to online slots too at mo though gf and am gonna keep fighting. Same here credit zero even payday lenders won't touch me. Your not on your own best wishes hun and stay strong Lu x

Hi and welcome, mine was online slots but I've been gf for over 40 days now and there are not enough words to express how much better I feel and how life looks. It was the losses that kept me gambling, I couldn't come to terms with them and also the debt. Once I did that and understood how and why I gambled, along with the blocks and reading diaries on here I have to say it's easier then I thought. Don't get me wrong I've had the urges but you have to be strong, you have to change how you think and you have to learn to like yourself again. Keep busy and stay positive. THe debts will come down if you stop gambling and remain gf. Best wishes on your journey to your new life.x

Hi Diary,

Checking in on day 4.

Thanks for checking in on me Lu and Anon and well done to u both for staying the hell away from the demon slots. I can only dream of the day when I am debt free ;(

Mel x

Hi diary,

Checking in on day 5, in the bath...cuppa in hand...and on my phone ....NOT GAMBLING!!

Here's to getting through the first gf weekend

Onwards and upwards x

Hi Diary,

Checking in on Day 6.

Not had much thoughts about gambling. Cant anyways, i dont have a penny to my name! Bank is trying to get through as i have slipped over my OD limits!! no self control when it comes to the online games, its like money just isnt real...until it hits your bank account!! oh, the £x,000k's i have lost over the years makes me sick just thinking about!

Weekends were always the worse, i work full time so that keeps my mind occupied enough. I have a stressful job so i used to look forward to getting home and having some time to quietly escape to the comfort of the slots, they sucked me in slowly and now they have spat me back out again when i have nothing left to give.

I am sick of feeling sorry for myself, i hate that although working so hard i earn a decent salary i spend my months looking where i can borrow to feed this hell addiction because ive spent up!. I keep telling myself that money can be replaced but time lost cannot be so easily got back.

Before the slots took over my life i used to be so sensible with money - in fact, i used to help people out, now its the other way around! lord, I am so full of shame. Me and the ex bought houses when the housing market went crazy so for that we had debts - but they have quadrupled in size now since gambling consumed me. I had a decent credit score, no fear of being credit searched, in fact i used to overpay the mortgage.....

I still have a house that i rent out but it looks like i may have to re-mortgage that in the future - right now, i dont have a cat in hells chance of a mortgage company coming anywhere near me. I have closed all my credit card accounts and just have loans to re-pay, one of which finishes in July next year, which will free up cashflow for me through the month.

I drive around in the old car that me and the ex agreed i could have as part of the divorce settlement, its paid for so thank god i dont have car finance to pay for also!

So help me god see the light and get the hell out of this mess for good....so many of us on here say the same thing.

Peace out x

Day 7

Off out shopping (with no money obviously ! ) with the family, will remind me of the quality time I have been losing out on...losing on the slots and losing in life.

Onwards and upwards, I am not going back x

Hey Barney

Thank you for your post on my thread. I wrote the below on Tom's thread and would want to post the same here as I find all three of us are in the same situation and battling in similar struggles.

Thank for your post on my thread. We seem to be in a very similar situation and dealing with the same struggle. I too had similar experience of winning, getting deluded, losing a lot and then losing even more chasing. When I last gambled, I could just see the naked lies we were caught up in. All of this stuff is rigged against us and we are just being preyed upon and ripped off. The whole package is so deceptively presented to us that we get misled. Ever wondered why people who work there - the croupiers, managers, etc why they put in hard shifts instead of gambling? Because they know all this stuff is rigged and a rip off. Even then I think we should own our mistakes. Because we let ourselves get deluded and refuse to accept the pain of losing our hard earned money that we will have to slog hard to repay. This is what took me back again and again to gambling as I did not like the idea of slogging hard to repay my losses. Unfortunately thd system is so rigged that repayment through the hard way is the only way out. And perhaps staying GF and hardwork is not such a bad thing as 1) It makes us wiser and better in the end 2) It prevents losing even more and not just money but relationships, time and respect 3) It gives us peace of mind compared to the constant stress, tension accompanying a silly ball falling somewhere on the wheel we have no control over.

Therefore, despite the obvious unpleasantness, remaining GF is the best option. Time to time strong urges will keep coming and that is where blocks will help. I have also decided to view any gambling related thoughts (that try to tell me gambling will get back my money or is a nice escape) or any related emotions as utter rubbish to be put ejected out of my mind totally and immediately.

We have to be firm and strict with ourselves regarding this and not allow our gambling mind any credence or space at all. We have suffered enough from our its deception. Good wishes to you mate!

Day 0

Fell off the wagon again!!! So help me lord get this horrific urge to recoup my losses out of my head!!

I cannot win because I cannot stop :,(

barney2909 wrote:

Day 0

Fell off the wagon again!!! So help me lord get this horrific urge to recoup my losses out of my head!!

I cannot win because I cannot stop :,(

Hi. I'm new here and I have no idea what or how I can stop the slots

Day 3

Been here before, still shocked at my behaviour and actions...the debt fog is upon me and i am feeling pretty s***e about everything....