Online slots - Rock bottom!!!

Hi

It doesn't sound weird being panicky about cash. I'd strongly advise that any spare cash is placed a little out of reach. Even a savings account that doesn't give instant access to the money. I really don't trust myself when spare money builds up in my account and when money's been there it's been my biggest trigger in going back to gambling for a while. Ensure once your debts are paid any remaining cash is either kept with your mum/partner or really out of your immediate reach somehow. Really easy to think that you won't need to do it but trust me, in my experience it'd be your best move. I'm really glad you're happy in life aside from all this nonsense. It will make it easier to turn your back on gambling and embrace all the positive things in your life. Gambling is a mugs game and of all the things we hope it does for us, I can't think of a single positive outcome from it. Keep winning by not giving another penny to the slots ! X

Hi Claire,

For the first few months much of my spare cash will be sent straight to my partner for our big holiday in October, i am so so ready for that i tell you!!

I realised today that my addiction playing on my lappy is leaving me, had i have had no interest at all in it. Just on my phone, need to leave it out of sight i think to help stop me in my tracks, so easy to pick it up, log in and lose ££££££s!!. i have never walked into a bookies or casino hall...always been the evil online slots that my poison.

I read on here somewhere that we gamble because we hate our lifes, i love my life - i just wish i had never ever got taken in by these online websites.

Hi Mel

I'm currently looking at booking another holiday myself ! A girls holiday ! Already got two family holidays planned and this is all possible through not gambling. Personally, I don't believe we all gamble to escape miserable lives. Like you, I'm also generally happy with things and whenever I'm not happy eg job I have always made changes. I gambled because I'm addicted to the feelings I get when I gamble, for me it's that simple. But it's the horrible other feelings of despair we get that counteract the excitement that we must remember. Gambling doesn't come with just a financial price. We know it actually messes up our lives and creates panic and bad feeling. The longer we can abstain I'm pretty sure the easier it gets. Just need to be sure never to go there again when our guard is down ! Where are you going on holidays ? Somewhere warm !?

Hi Claire,

We are heading out to west side of america for almost 3 weeks - really looking forward to it...just doesnt seem real yet while i am in the mix of the gambling fog....i need a break away from all this so i am lucky i am getting away at all.

Last night i sat with mum for a while, whilst she pulled together all the remortgage information for her to get the mortgage to get me straight i sat and almost cried, how in the heck have i got to this point? when will i learn that we never 'win'. The mortgage is on the house that will be left to me, and i will be making the repayments but my god, so much more cheap borrowing than the credit cards and evil payday lenders!! i cant get my head around that this time next month they will all be gone.

The thought that the debt is getting sorted (well i will have mortgage debt) is surprisingly steering me clear of gambling and i have no desire to, my partner has been away for 2 nights, hes back tomorrow. Usually, i would have plonked myself on the sofa, drink in hand and play the slots for hours - usually until i had lost all my wages, borrowed and then lost that too! but i feel different, and i have cash in my account, i feel sick at the thought of it and just feel like its the ultimate betrayal to mum for doing all of this for me.

If there is anyone reading this that is in serious debt over gambling, please talk to someone, i didnt have the balls to do it....my mum opened a demand letter from a bank i owe to - thats how it all come out, shes very dissappointed in me and i can see that, but she has helped me - i dont feel alone anymore, she told my new partner too!! which i was totally ashamed to come clean to him after less than 2 years!! awful, but debts like mine circa £50k cannot be dealt with alone ....

Mel xx

Mel, I'm going to be brutal now & you may not like it but you have to stop kidding yourself & get some proper help fast. I was bailed out umpteen times, the relief of knowing I was going to be ok washing over me like freshly laundered bedclothes but the hatred for gambling you feel one second becomes a burning desire to do it again, the next. I had a good life, actually no, I had an amazing life & time & time again I threw away my financial security because I wouldn't accept I had a problem. I do, just like you do & getting straight is not going to make your problem disappear. If nothing else, you need to suck it up & be honest with your mum so that she can support you properly not just with a handout.

Don't be the mug I was!

Thanks ODDAT,

This isn't a hand out, I have to repay her. Maybe I will end out speaking to her about it all, one step at a time I think..Without the debt I don't feel like I want to gamble - I was gambling to try recoup my losses, which was completely irrational as we all know how it ends !

Hey Mel

Hoping things are still going well for you and you've still turned your back on gambling. It's time to do it. Really relate to this post off another gamcare member I read recently : WINNING MONEY FROM GAMBLING IS JUST A TEMPORARY LOAN AS IT WILL NO DOUBT JUST BE THE FUNDS FOR YOUR NEXT BET! Too true ! Gambling is pointless !

Still GFand choosing life !! Xx

Hi diary,

Well the cat is out of the bag - mum found a bank statement and saw the hideous online secret life I lead. There were tears, anger, lots of remorse from me and in the end support and love.

I feel like a weight has been lifted, mum wants me to talk to someone and I think it's a good plan. I have to get to the root of why I do this to myself and others around me? I lost my marriage, self respect..I could go on...but I just don't understand why? I love my life, I hate gambling - the whole gambling industry! Mum doesn't think I am addicted to gambling in its entirety...just caught up in the thrill of playing the games and chasing losses as I can't accept they have gone...don't know, I am just so confused about my behaviour and why I think it's rational to not be able to fund shopping for essential things but yet can spend £000's on stupid slots....I drive I knackered old car that I can't afford to fix, yet pour the cost of repairing it onto the greedy gambling fat cats!!! Disgusting.

I want my life back!!

Went out for tea tonight for my daughters 15th birthday - had a brill night, lots of laughs. I went to pay for meal and mum forced me to go halves - I hated it, I felt so low and ashamed in a split second. I hate what this has done to us all....

Keep choosing life!!

Hi Mel, good to hear your mum is on board now 🙂

Don't be too tempted to buy into her theory, we don't need any excuses to keep denying we have a problem & can you strike whilst the iron is hot & phone the helpline to get some counselling jacked up or sort out getting to GA? This feeling of relief is something to be cherished but nothing lasts forever & just like the pain of gambling can dissipate a few days after a painful session, it won't keep you safe forever!

The night you have just had with your family is living & it's time to get your life back - ODAAT

Hi

It might be a good idea for your mum to do some reading up on the addiction. She sounds like she may want to play down the seriousness of things a bit which is a natural reaction but she needs to understand chasing losses is an integral part of an addict's mindset.

You are right when you say you need to get to the root of what's driving the compulsion. Once that's exposed you can start to address it and build strong foundations for recovery. Can you get to GA? It will be full of people who get it in a way your mum never will and who will all have been where you are.

I am an addict and I have problem - I have never been able to say that out loud in company before. Small thing but significant, I am not blaming anyone or anything else for my behaviour and I take responsibility for my actions. But why am I so easily lured into this world of secrecy and unimaginable shame!

Mum wants me to tell my partner, I know she's right but I just can't face it at the moment - he's going through an emotionally tough time and I am not adding to it, yet. I think I will tell him eventually though.

What draws me back is emails, texts, these companies know the psychology of its victims don't they ? My exclusion expired on an old account of mine ...self excluded for 3 years (max time). My relapse is what mum saw....I am not gambling daily or do I think about it every minute of the day...despite a bail out I still have some debt which should start to get under control in the next few months.

I love my new partner to bits and we are so good together, we have talked about getting married. I am so scared to though - I destroyed my first marriage with the lies, stealing and the deceit - jeez, i treat my ex appallingly and I can only ask for his forgiveness - I've met his new partner and she's lovely and she's so good to my daughter and they are happy, that makes me happy too 🙂

I am making enquiries for a person to talk to - I'd rather do 1-2-1 than a group session for now anyways

If you're self excluded they shouldn't be contacting you. If your self exclusion expires they are not supposed to make the first move. If they are doing either or both advise them you will be reporting them to the Gambling Commission. That should get them back in the box pretty sharpish.

On another note three years may be the published max but if you push them they may well offer longer. In some cases permanent. Push for permanent regardless and see what that brings. Also get a blocker and get your mum to set the password.

I have permanently excluded from every site I can think of...some make it so easy others not so much - I am still contacted by some gambling sites that I know I have self excluded for the max 5 years - and probably sister sites....A moment of weakness had me hooked - total fool!!

My new partner is a lot more interested in me than my ex, in terms of my social behaviour. My behaviour of sitting behind a laptop or on my phone he just won't tolerate and he gets really agitated he once stuck his head over my laptop quickly to see what I was looking at!!! Thank god I wasn't actually gambling then, probably trying to sort out my spiralling out of control debts or something. The point is, I hate myself for making him feel so insecure about what I was up to. I am totally in my own world when gambling, like in a zombie state watching spinning reels...I do not want to spend the rest of my life like this. I have to change and make better choices for me and my family. Speaking out loud to mum was just the start....

Onwards and upwards....