Searching the website for counselling groups....not sure what type of counselling to go to to be honest... Deep down I know what drove me to escape into the dark and miserable world of online gambling - bereavement. My grandad, stepdad and best friend died within 18mths of each other to cancer and I married someone I wasn't compatible with and just couldn't help me. I am absolutely not on a self pity mission however gambling provided me with an escape from reality, the highs of a win. Oh, I am going to miss that.
It's been almost 3 years now, not many years in comparison to some people on here, but the hurt, the destruction and damage I have caused in unreal...I was in debt up to my eyeballs and my financial position is totally destroyed, and will take years to recover, I lost my marriage (100% me responsible for that, despite everything my ex is a wonderful guy, I just couldn't forgive myself for what I done to him and he deserves better and to be happy again) which he is so that makes me happy too ...but in the end I had fallen in love with someone else and I left, which is something else he will never forgive me for - and I don't blame him.
I guess the thing is, can I learn to forgive me??? I really don't know 🙁
Gorgeous day outside today, going for a walk after work, my family are coming to visit tomorrow and I have signed up for a fitness class on Friday ...keeping busy lifestyle changes ! 🙂
Hi Diary,
Got my first councillor session on Friday morning - never taken this step before, I need to understand why I partake in such life destructing activities! I just don't understand my behaviour at all...
Here's to getting life back on track !! 🙂 xx
Hi diary,
Wow! Where has that year gone ??
Well, I am no stranger to this place - the reason I am back !? Stupid slots that’s why. I got tempted again, so ive come back. Counselling was really good for me and it showed me a lot about my behaviour and what I was escaping from. But I wanted it back.
All I can say is thank god for Gamstop = best thing ever !! And believe me I have TRIED to find a site not signed up to it yet. Even my addicted little demon voice is now relenting and giving up ! It’s amazing, I wish it had been there sooner !
Anyways, just thought it would be good to check back in
Xx
For all you online addicts like me, all I can say is Gamstop is thee best thing ever !!! Believe me it has been tried and tested by me over the last few weeks - I wish it was there before I destroyed my self worth, marriage and not to mention the disgusting sum of money I have lost.
I am not going back to that place !
Hey
How are you getting on ? I’m not doing too good with quitting. This year’s been a hash of failed attempts to quit. Been busy failing miserably at quitting. Today is day one as sick to death of gambling and wasting money !
Hope you’re doing well x
Post on my diary next time you’re on Mel - be good to hear how you’re doing x
Hi Mel
Good to hear from you and yes it has been years ! Well I’m on day 13 and feeling like I’m definitely going to stay off the gambling till Christmas. It’s such an expensive time of year and gambling’s left me with little saved up to pay for it this year, Finally realised that gambling won’t pay and accepted all it does is dig me deeper into the hole of debt. I’m off the online slots and have been for a few months. For me more recently it’s been actual slots at the bingo. Horrible place it is too. Full of addicts and quite sad to see us all in there losing hundreds at a time. Really don’t want to be a part of it all any more . Hope I can remain in this mindset ! Is your day count up to date then ? If so Well Done and look forward to seeing you progress on your journey .
100 gf days - first time i have achieved a century ! Here’s to many more 😉
Well done barny...great to read...x
Thankyou both 🙂
GAMSTOP is the best thing ever, I so so wish it was around years ago, it would have saved me thousands 🙁 anyways, no point looking back !
Me and my daughter are off to New York on the 19th Nov, I would never be able to afford this trip if i was still gambling my earnings away - paying off PD loans and then borrowing again the week later....my god, when I think back to life then ...just disgusting 🙁
Well done on reaching over 100 days - you are doing great ! Keep it going x
Thanks Clare ! I still have days when I think I could quite happily shut myself away on my phone ...shutting off the world for my ‘secret life’ but I’m not going there...I’m not rich by not gambling but at least I can show what I have with my money.
I’m saving up for a car - that’s my goal to ‘buy’ one outright in 2019... nothing special, but no more debt...I was doing great starting to save again, then I bought Muse tickets !! Oh well !
It’s funny in a not so funny way that I cannot remember having money to save - it’s been literally years since I could afford to save anything !!
That’s great & keep your eyes on the prize - imagine it’ll be great buying your car outright and having something big to show for your savings ! Really pleased you’re on track and managing to save up, I too know I’ll only ever be able to save up when I’m gamble free . Christmas looks better for us already without me wasting spare cash . Trying not to think of the debt anymore and rather being thankful for an improved day to day financial situation with the ability to save a bit too ! Let’s keep going 🙂
Just come back from holiday with my daughter - so much time lost with her while I was a gambling zombie:( it really makes me so sad to think but thankful that I now not pouring my time and money into something that can never give me enough !
I see I am on day 125 gf, onwards and upwards 🙂
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
