Our Struggles Make Us Stronger

Congrations on the 50 days bud, i see a lot of me in your posts keep going the way you are and there is no reason why you cant beat this, pleased your enjoying Power, The Last Ship is another good one ive been enjoying.

KTF

Ah the Monday morning blues. Had a rare Saturday night out at the weekend and am still not 100% yet. I don’t really miss going out at all, I’d much rather sit in with the little guy and hopefully that’ll happen sooner rather than later. Still no word from my ex regarding overnight stays yet. I’ll have to raise the subject again with her tomorrow night maybe, can’t let it drag on.

Still no gambling to report and today makes it 8 weeks. Looking forward to the work day being over and getting to my meeting tonight!

Keep moving forward

Reading through your diary sam crow and its like your telling my story to a large extent. I wish you well and you keep on keeping on the right path. Be patient with your ex...you are wearing her down bit by bit(in a constructive way) and you will get your kid for overnight stays soon

GA meeting went well last night, full house gamble free which is good.

Feeling the pressure today of life with so many different things going on. I'm the secretary at my football club again this year (not through choice, nobody else stepped up) and there's a lot of running about with registration forms etc needing done. I explained to the chairman I'm unable to do anymore than I already am, I still haven't made it down to pre-season training yet because of other prorities!

I'm going over to the mainland at the weekend to see family and I need to get a bits and bobs sorted for that. My little brother is home for a couple of weeks and I'm trying to find time to spend with him also. Picking up my little guy later and hopefully get to the park if the rain stays away. Will see what sort of form his mum is in as we still need to discuss overnight stays, feeding etc.

Life can be stressful! I think I worry myself too much thinking about things instead of making a plan and taking action. Need to be more assertive. Remember the words of Rocky,

Keep moving forward!

9 weeks today, going well. Was over visiting family at the weekend relaxing and enjoying life, that's what it's all about! Still committed to changing into a better person and feel I'm getting there (not that I was bad to begin with lol). I realise I need to be more assertive in everyday life and not be too compromising all the time.

On the phone with Sky here trying to get the broadband sorted as it's been down over a week!!

Sam Crow wrote:

GA meeting went well last night, full house gamble free which is good.

Feeling the pressure today of life with so many different things going on. I'm the secretary at my football club again this year (not through choice, nobody else stepped up) and there's a lot of running about with registration forms etc needing done. I explained to the chairman I'm unable to do anymore than I already am, I still haven't made it down to pre-season training yet because of other prorities!

I'm going over to the mainland at the weekend to see family and I need to get a bits and bobs sorted for that. My little brother is home for a couple of weeks and I'm trying to find time to spend with him also. Picking up my little guy later and hopefully get to the park if the rain stays away. Will see what sort of form his mum is in as we still need to discuss overnight stays, feeding etc.

Life can be stressful! I think I worry myself too much thinking about things instead of making a plan and taking action. Need to be more assertive. Remember the words of Rocky,

Keep moving forward!

Well done Sam. Keep focusing on those positives. Did you get the broadband sorted?

Hi Tri, yes they called out a couple of hours after I posted which was a nice surprise!

I try to keep my posts positive if I can whilst also jotting down all my thoughts at the same time. As time goes on and I stay GF the more positive they will be hopefully!

Just for today I will try to live through this day only and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

I love this one espescially the first sentence. As an expert in procrastination I tend to leave things and let them build up then try to do them all at once i.e. tackling all life problems at the same time. No more!

Thanks for the support Sam. Appreciated in unity. Hoping to get to a meeting tonight. Hope i don't get complacent or procrastinate myself 🙂 Tri x

Sam - agree re that first sentence. Great posts lads. I was just saying this exact thing on chat last night - there are loads of things I think of doing and procrastinate. No more.

It’s Friday afternoon and the working week is almost over, well my main job anyway. Working in the bar tomorrow night and I don’t mind as it’ll earn me a few quid to help me through to payday.

I’ve had 2 dreams the past week that I’ve been gambling and when I wake up it takes me a while to come round to the fact it was just a dream. I’m not missing it, far from it actually! I admit I do have the odd thought or urge here and there but usually I’m able to dismiss them pretty quickly. I wonder does any other CG’s in recovery have similar dreams and what do they mean? Probably nothing. It’s maybe a good thing about how scared and worried I am when I wake up and the relief when I realise it was just a dream.

Picking the little guy up later for a couple of hours, looking forward to seeing him smile and hearing his laugh. He really is a class wee dude!

I’ll sign off with this – Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that, as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Yes yes yes to those darn dreams that in the early days used to bring me out in a cold sweat :-0 Super scary how real they feel but lovely to discover it hadn't happened! I haven't had any since I decided that dreaming about gambling was the only 'action' I'd be getting on that front!

My urges come occasionally but are dismissed without much thought or effort these days, I expect to have them forever & that's fine because I don't ever want to forget why I choose 'No' ODAAT! I am also a demon procrastinator but today, I deal with one problem @ a time & eventually, the mess unravels!

Never stop enjoying what is beautiful & you may even be surprised where you find that beauty 🙂

Weekend went pretty well, work was busy on Sat night so the night went very quickly. Spent yesterday with a couple of the lads playing snooker and having the craic.

I tried in vain again to speak to the ex about more access with the little guy. I broached the subject for the first time a few weeks back and since then she won’t answer phone calls, texts (unless it’s her initiating the conversation) and is hardly ever there when I pick him up/drop him off. When she was home one time I tried to mention it with her but was promptly told she was busy. All I would like is a simple grown up conversation to see where we’re both at and if we can come to some sort of arrangement i.e. for me to play a more active role in the little guy’s life, as at the minute I feel like a babysitter. I’m not even expecting things to change right away but at least I would like some idea of what the future holds. It’s so frustrating as I feel this is being used as a measure of control over me, maybe I'm paranoid. I hope this doesn’t come across as selfish to anyone as I’m looking out for my son’s best interests which I believe is for him to see his daddy more often. His mum looks after him very well and is a good mother in that respect. Surely it’s a good thing though that I want to be in his life more? I know other lads who are happy enough with a few hours here and there and the odd over night stay but I don’t want to be one of them! I want to help raise my son, not just look after him for a couple of hours.

Thanks for the comments ODAAT, it’s good to know I’m not the only one with the dreams lol

Maybe it might be wortwhile writing her a letter explainin what you would like and why and her giving some options.

Yes mate I might just do that. I was hoping to have a discussion before even setting anything formal in place but it's not happening. Just a bit annoyed by it as it's been dragging on too long. It actually reflects our former relationship quite well, lack of communication.

Cheers for the advice!