Quitting on the back of a win / My Recovery diary

Hi.. yes slots was my thing to. Like you say over time the money always goes. Machines are cruel. Its not a win really. The only win is not to play. All the best.. S.A

I always say you only win if you don't play also.The time's i've put the jackpot amount into a machine and won nothing, then i think "not putting money in is the same as winning the jackpot really"

The urge is strong today and I'm a bit bored.Feel like going into town and trying my luck on a certain machine...but i won't.

Need to remember the times it's ripped me off and how it's 10p a spin and £5 jackpot.Not worth bothering with.

Luckily my weekday gambling hangout closes down for good in 10 days.Hoping i don't go in the place again.

Think i'll go find something to occupy my mind and take my mind off of the machines.

I even dream about them occasionally.I've not gambled down to my last penny for a long time though so i must be on the mend.

I've had a stressful day today, got a letter from a bailiff about an old debt (from when i was gambling everything and paying no bills) which i thought i'd been paying.It meant i had to go into town to sort it all out, i got the issue resolved.Banked some money...then i went into an arcade 🙁

I know that if i go into an arcade i'm going to lose the money i take with me.I took £15 with me and i only play the £5 jackpot machines in there as they're the only 10p stake machines there.

Anyway it ended up where i'd of had to jackpot it twice to come away even.I thought of walking away when i had £9 banked in the machine, but then the old "if i get the jackpot now i'll be even" mentality came back to me untill i was down to nothing.

The only good side is that i didn't withdraw more to waste on it.The arcade is closing down this week so i wont be able to go there any more.Fruit machines are everywhere though so it's little help.

I'm usually good at not gambling on machines in pubs and clubs though.The mrs helps with that as i dont like her to see me on them really.

Maybe i'm being a little too harsh on myself, i'm flush right now and could of thrown away more...but i still feel bad.

I think part of the stress in my life is coming from being with my gf, she loves me to bits but i don't love her in the same way.We should be best friends really but she won't accept that and i can't end it with her as i don't want to hurt her.I'm not blaiming her for my gambling tho, i face up to it, it's me putting the coins in but i do feel my bad relationship fuels my background stress levels.

Also i'm giving up alcohol right now, i didnt start till i was 25 but if it's a waste of money to gamble then in my mind it's a waste of money to booze too.I only drink at weekends, always when out with friends.My friends don't like it when i don't drink though but i have better nights out when i'm in control of myself.

Anyway, rant over and back to square 1 for me.

Not gambled anything since my slip the other day and i'm staying in tonight with my gf to make up for it financially.Usually i'd be going clubbing, sometimes drinking and more often than not i'd put a few quid in the fruit machine (on rare occasions i'd end up getting cashback on my card just to chase losses ugh)

I spent my 30th birthday last year getting ripped off by a fruit machine in a night club.

Was out and about today and the arcade i'd gamble in has closed down today, which i have strange mixed emotions about.I only once walked out of that arcade with a win...and it was only £10...and a few days later it took it back from me.

Many a time i'd walk in there thinking i was going to jackpot there machines and then walk out only to end up walking out with my tail between my legs to go to the cash machine.I'd try and leave without the machine minders seeing me as it's embarrassing.

I'll be going out tommorow night but wont be drinking and i'm sure i'll be able to stay off the machines.I used to spend all of my income on a weekend on booze and fruit machines but now i spend next to nothing on booze.

Why spend a fortune just to end up with a hangover is my thinking, and the only way to win is to not play the machines.It's a drug.

Anyway, just needed to remind myself of the bad times a little so that i can carry on living in the good times.

🙂

Todays thoughts...

The problem with gambling is...it can seem like a way to make money when you're poor, it can seem like a hobby, and it can seem like a treat when you think you're loaded.All of these ways of thinking drain money and energy.

I gambled on Saturday night, just loose change and i came home even but i still gambled. It kind of ruined my night because the fruit machine was on my mind most of the night but i did well the night before and didn't gamble anything. Maybe it was cos i had a few pints Saturday and didn't on Friday.

I'm not sure what to make of it, if i gamble just a few quid a week am i a problem gambler? or do i need to be chasing and blowing every penny i have to be a problem gambler? (i have chased and done that in the past)

Maybe i'm a gambling hypochondriac or maybe i'm just not as bad as i used to be and in denial.

I will stay away from the machines and think about it.

Ive got a huge urge to gamble today...

I had a really stressfull 24 hours, last night my pc got a virus and i had to stay up all night fixing it.Today i had a job interview which didn really go well. I felt tired, stressed, didnt really have any experience for the job, everyone else that applied was like 10 yrs youngr than me (though i dont look my age) and basically im talking to the boss of a night club i frequent.

I couldnt stop thinking about gambling while i was waiting to be seen, i thought about it afterwards and it wasn't about winning money, it was about switching off and stress so i learnd something about my old habit today.

I didn't go gambling and i didn't listen to the little voice in my head saying "but what if you win?"

I remembered the times i'd walked out of my gambling haunt with my tale between my legs and avoided repeating th mistake.

Tonight i wasted £40 on gambling.Not happy about it at all, feel like chasing and have fantasies about putting a "lucky £" in and winning my money back right now.

I almost feel the machine was mocking me, but i know that's not possible.My luck was out though.

I also drunk, i was out with friends.Need to stop lowering my defences with alcohol.

I lost a little money then i went to the cash machine to chase it back and lost so yeah i feel really stupid.My previous gamble was tuesday so i'm not doing too well.When i win i can come off with it, but when i'm down i'm prone to a chase and feel frantic.

I told my gf straight away and she told me to not be so harsh on myself and that i'm not as bad as i used to be and that she loves me but i can't really see that right now.In the club i'm surrounded by young beautiful women dressed to impress and i'm staring at a box of flashing lights intent on robbing me, something wrong there.

Right now i feel that only a big win will make the world right again but i know i need to kiss goodbye to that money.

I thought i was getting back to being a "normal" low level gambler, not so frantic about it, no chasing, taking wins and keeping them but obviously i was wrong and i feel like a prize plonker.

Tommorow is another day...but i will wake up poorer.

I chased tonight...the only good side is that i left my cards at home and didn't drink.If i'd of had my cards i would of lost more though. I was in the mood to. I only spent £10 which for a night out on the town is good i suppose, but then it all went in the fruit machine pretty much as soon as i got in the club so i'm not so sure.I watched it a little and nobody else won either and it was sucking up money (yes i'm sad for watching it or even caring)

My gf is away and she stops me gambling so i'm suffering from that, it's a shame i need her to be around to stop me gambling etc i didn't realise it until she went away.I'll be travelling down south on wednesday to see her and next week i'll have a cheap weekend as i won't be able to gamble.

I don't know why i can control myself better when she's around. I do still gamble when she goes to smoke but i never chase.I have stopped all my daytime gambling which is kind of good but i need to get out of chase mode.I am still up this month but still have an issue with it as i get down when i lose.

Anyway those are my thoughts for today.Still gambling like a moron, but taking some steps to contain the problem (like leaving my cards)

Well a bad weekend really, chased a lot even though i knew the machine was in a bad mood.Got to a point where i didn't care much about winning.

It should of been a good weekend as i was out a lot with friends so i'm not sure why i gambled so much.

I seem to have a cycle where i get stung badly enough to stay off of the machines for a while then put £1 in and win big, then i start to think it's going to happen everytime, gamble more often, untill i lose, chase and give the machine it all back and then a little more.Last time i won my gf said to me "you know that wont happen every time dont you?" and i was like "yes" but then i gradually put it back in over time.

When i win a decent amount i can come off, i lose it eventually though. I don't even think it's winnings really just my own money back.

Anyway i have realised that i don't think i can be a "normal" gambler as it just causes me to eventually go into crazy mode (when i lose £5 and spend another £30 trying to get my £5 back - bonkers!)

I'm going to do everything i can to not drink or gamble for the next 2 weeks!!! going on holiday with my gf tommorow so it should be easier with my support network back.

Been "clean" since last Wednesday and don't have any real urges.

I gambled last Wednesday as i was on holiday in a seaside place and it's pretty much everywhere.

My gf gambled too and got mad about losing, i expected to lose but i was still a bit grumpy afterwards due to it. I guess I'm just used to being grumpy after losing at gambling, even if i am losing money on the 2p pushers lol. My gf went to the cash machine, drew money out and tried to hand me £30 to try and stop me being grumpy, i didn't accept it. My losses are my own.

If i get the chance to go to the seaside again i will go though.

Anyway i start a new job tommorow, it's just for the next 6 weeks and part time but it's going to keep me occupied.

Yesterday my gf said she didn't think i had a gambling problem. Maybe she'd forgotten the nights we spent in clubs talking in front of a fruit machine for hours.

I don't think she realises that allthough i don't gamble like i used to, it takes a lot of willpower and it's taken a lot of thought.

Last night i was out clubbing. Kept noticing a guy on the fruit machine and he was there for 3 solid hours, didn't bend down ONCE to pick up pound coins out of the tray. He had a woman with him, she was all dressed up stood at the side of him and he barely paid any attention to her as he was too busy feeding the machine. As he finally ran out of money and had to leave the machine, i saw the disapointment in his eyes as he turned to leave the club.

I didn't gamble.Would have to look at my diary to tell anyone when i last did which is quite a realisation for me.

Lost £15 last night but didn't drink so friday/ saturday cost me £20 all told...which is a cheap weekend to most people (drinks are £4.20 each in the club after all !)

I was a bit hungry for the machines before i went out so i left my cards at home and just went out with what i had on me. The gambling did ruin my night tho as after i'd lost i pretty much just sat there mad at myself and i left early.

Another slip...but my spending is lessening and i am still trying + i only had 1 drink all weekend (i never really had a drink problem but if spending on gambling is a waste then so is spending on booze at £4.50 a pint)

Back to the safety of work tommorow.

Hi fatuesque, nobody knows whether you have got a gambling problem except you, but if its causing you grief, which can come in all sorts of ways, then you have to ask yourself if its really worth bothering with. This forum is a great support so keep reading and posting to stay on the straight and narrow if that's what you want. I wish you well.

Fruit machines is where it all started for me aged 9 and at aged 41 it has now escalated into all other forms of gambling of which I have no control over when playing. Best wishes from me.

Well i think i have a gambling problem, i'm more on top of it nowadays but in the past i've gambled till i had nothing left in the bank and ages till i got paid.

I just have to watch myself really.

Sometimes when i gamble i feel out of control also.

Hope the gambling demons are staying away anyway 🙂