Quitting

Paul that's ok you were there for me before and I won't forget that. Speak to you Monday let me know how the weekend goes. All the best , Gary

You're not weak, addiction is telling you that because keeping it a secret keeps addiction alive! Figure out how to show it who is boss & your recovery is on...Don't let all the calls you made the other day be for nothing!

You're responsible to and for you, not me. Or anyone else.

CW

I am responsible for my own actions, I chose to gamble. I have hurt myself financially so much the feelings inside are like the loss of a loved one. I know I have done so very wrong, yet I am a good person, who has never committed a crime, never not paid a bill, is respecful of all people/beings in life, would go the extra mile at work for the boss/staff. Care's for his mother and father when needed, love's his son's to bit's yet ................................ I feel I have let down everyone although they are not suffering, as yet no-one has suffered financially except me. However ruining one's financial future is so stupid I could pound the wall's for hours .............................. but what would that solve. At the moment the only solace and comfort from life, is the knowledge I am not the only one to be at the hands of this madness, it is just a small crumb of comfort. To all those on this site who are not GA's and have suffered and are suffering at the hands of a GA, I feel I really feel for you all. May we all get out of this madness we find ourselves in.

Morning Diary, I woke in the early hours as I have been doing every day since my latest gambling disaster thinking 'another bloody day' zero motivation in me, have managed to crawl outta bed and shave, wash, all the time thinking this is going to be a c**P life going forward, then i as I have done for the last 10 days came straight here, and this site has given me some inspiration for the day, thank-you gamcare.

The feeling of utter helplessness grips my stomach for a variety of reasons, a:-lack of funds to survive to a ripe old age, b:-what I have done to me and my partner's future, does the strength of love for someone only come to the front when you know you have to let them go so they can prosper and lead a full and happy life, without a broken man both mentally and financially in tow. I have to tell her, she has the right to a proper life, to see the world and not be held back. I love her so much though, I am really hurting thinking about telling her.

hi diary, the feelings of despair will not leave me, for the first time in 10 days i am going to try and do some housework, no energy for it though, you all say let it go, let it go, the sums are too immense to forget. Be back later

Hi Paul good to see you are actively posting keep going mate. I know it's so hard for you but you are debt free. You have to forget the large sums you keep talking about otherwise you will go back again at some point. Sorry mate I've been reading your posts and they go back to 2012 and enough has to be enough. Look at all the positives you have I won't list but you know what they are!! Time is not on your side but you are still young enough be true to yourself I also think you should be attending GA meetings as many as u can. It helped me. Regarding telling your girlfriend well that's up to you. It's a difficult one you may get a clear conscience by doing it but be prepared to lose her. Keep posting, Gary : )

Hi Paul , look you can't forget the sums involved most of us on here can't and at gtimes looking back it hurts to the core how effing stupid weve been to end up this way , now that being said letting go of those losses is a very different kettle of fish and the very fact that your not letting them go is why addiction is holding tight and not letting you move on with your life .

At 55 I know i could have had so much more behind me by now had I not gambled for 40 yrs of my life but a year ago I was here telling my opening story after Googling " Painless way's to die " , thats how bad it had become , I couldn't think straight , my mind was a total mess and I knew I had to face all those I loved for the hardest talk I'd ever had to give .

Now a year on I'm in a totally different place and I'm enjoying the simple things in life like every single one of them was a all expenses paid trip to the Maldives and in a twelve month turnaround that's just bonkers mate ?.

I still have debts through gambling but they are going down each month with no added borrowing , I'm know that in later life I'm not going to be sat on the fortune I'd been dreaming of through gambling for many years but I have gained my self respect back and I'm totally honest and through acceptance of myself and what the future may or may not hold for me I'm living life again Gamble free .

Stop focusing on what you don't have and look at the positive things in your life that are there , as I've said before Money comes and goes through life , sometimes we have it in abundance and at other times were potless but somehow we always manage to get by and whatever shape your in financially there are always options .

It's no wonder your so lethargic , your heads so proccupied with all the stuff whizzing around in there , slow it all down Paul and deal with one thing at once and by doing so you can clear all the rubbish away and move forward , without sounding harsh Paul we are prisoners of our own doing and the only one who can fix ourselves is ourselves , so deep breath mate , head down and get to work .

Take care of yourself Paul and I'll talk with you soon .

Best wishes Alan

Mate , I didn't want to come across as flippant or that it was an easy thing for me to understand , I know your in a really cra.P place right now and a bleak future in retirement is something nobody wants to think about , I'm actually lost for words in offering any sensible advice , without prying do you have any other assets that could be used or a private pension pot to use in the future ? Stupid questions I know but I'm feeling a little useless here ! Look whatever happens Paul you do have a future , it may not be the one you hoped for but you have to at least start coming to terms and accepting things the way they are sometimes and if you minds just consumed with thoughts of what's happened then it won't leave any room for positive thoughts in trying to find a solution ? Don't give up mate if nothing else you have us all on here to run things passed when the need arises and if it makes you feel any better I've probably no chance of getting to the Maldives anytime soon , just back from a caravan on the Isle of Wight though , now that is living the dream :)) , stay safe my friend did I'll talk with you soon .

The feeling of helplessness does not pass, the feeling of stupidity remains, a life's earnings in tatters, letting those closest down to you and they will never understand why, I am going to a friends at week-end a place of peace and beauty, unlike my life, I will be back on Sunday when I will post and hopefully start a road to recovery. Happy week-end all my fellow sufferer's.

Hi Paul how you doing? I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel but sooner or later your going to have to draw a line under things. Maybe the arm round the shoulder isn't working maybe you need a kick up the b*m? Truth is I don't know what will help but what I do know is your alive and well. You will get to see your retirement others may not. You seem like a decent guy but just in a dark place. With your moods and general demeanour your missus is going to know something is not right,maybe you should open up to her? She may just surprise you. In this world many things can happen and tomorrow is never guaranteed so come on get up and beat this Paul you can do it! 🙂

Hi Paul

im from the other side and just saw your thread... What is your reasoning for not trying GA after so long? Surely by now anything new would be worth a shot? What do you have to lose?

It is so frustrating as loved ones to hear constant talk and see no action. This addiction is completely manageable with honesty and action.

I know you don't think you will cross the line of borrowing money to gamble but from my experience watching this with my son ...never say never. Look how far down its taken you already.

Please look at stepping out of your comfort zone and creating the best possible life you can for yourself.

Cathy

Hi all, late Sunday night, the day draws to a close, no temptation for me, just a brick in my stomach at the finality that the future life i worked so hard for has gone on the whim of a fast buzz. A thought or two here as sleep will be hard to come by. in the western world, we crave our next dopmine fix, fast cars, bright lights, laptop, i-pnone 5, i phone 6, new clothes, bt sport and .................., has the training of our generations led to this, the constent desire of the next buzz, if my life had been more simple, a farmhand in a remote tibetan village i think i would have been happier, so i will not prattle on tonight, suffice to say think about our lifestyle's, if we had all had a more simple life, no internet, where would be and how happy would we be? good night world

It's easier to blame the 'Western world', to avoid direct questions about GA, to maintain a myth that no damage is done as it's your money...sorry Paul but I've been on this forum for a while and keep seeing you come back having decimated another wedge (when it previously seemed you'd done your load).

What's changing this time? Or is it gona be more of the same wallowing?

Louis