Quitting

How did it come to this, those are the thoughts tearing out of brain, as I sit at my computer at work, thinking about seven years of gambling devastion, why, oh why, I feel in such a depressed place. I have messed up so badly, (no gambling for 14 days-but to me that is no achievement), the car is going to need replacing soon, where are the funds going to come from, it's a real mess. When that time comes I will have to come clean to my partner, that will be it, a beautiful relationship of nine years over, caused by soley gambling. I will never be happy again, if that happens, what a stupid fool I have been, you can see why gamblers hate themselves.

Morning Paul , so why wait my friend ? Why keep putting off something that you know shortly your going to have to deal with ? At least if you tell your partner now it's you doing the telling and you coming clean because you want to not because you have to ? I can't say how it's going to go but it's you being in control and not addiction forcing your hand , maybe you could be surprised and you'll get the support and understanding that you really do need or maybe your worst fears will be realised ? But at least you will know and can then move on and start planning on how to deal with the aftermath good or bad ? At the moment Paul it's all just guesswork and your mind is going through different outcomes and the only way of knowing the answer is to be honest for once . As always it's your choice but whichever way you choose I wish you well . Alan

It's not weakness Paul , it's that make or break time feeling that we all go through when our judgement day arrives cross that with the uncertainty of the outcome and it's no wonder you consider yourself weak , personally like myself I consider those feelings to be more like scared Sh. It less and that's something I greatly identify with . Keep working on it buddy and I wish you well , Alan

Until you recognise & accept that this has very little to do with money you won't be able to heal! The reason you were ok 2 weeks ago was because you still had funds to hide from your problems, from yourself. Now you are 'broke' the healing must begin & I know it's going to be hard letting the money go but it ain't coming back so let it go you must - ODAAT

15 days down, feel no better, feels like the wheels have come off my life, not sure of where I am going now, my mojo has gone, at work but no interest in anything, if the last sum was not so devasting to my future maybe it would not be so bad, not looking for any guidance, no-one except me and only me can begin to re-build this from this mess , thanks for letting me put down my thoughts gamcare

Hi there please don't think I'm being cheeky as I don't mean to be but you really need to snap out this! That's not meant to be a flippant remark but the damage is done and the money ain't coming back. I understand it was a lot of money and it will have a detrimental affect on your future but wallowing in self pity isn't going to help. You can either feel sorry for yourself and let this consume you or you can fight back! It's almost three months since your first post and not much has changed. Maybe the comforting arm around the shoulder isn't working. I know your struggling but I also believe that deep down you can do this! Like most of the people on here your a good guy who made poor decisions. Don't let it define you. I truly wish you all the best and I hope you can come out the other side. One day at a time

Paul drag yourself out mate
I know you're finding it hard because the realisation of the situation you're in.
Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you now. You need focus mate.
If you feel she deserves better just go and tell her what have you to lose. Moping about what might happen will have you running in circles it's no good for the mind

Paul , everyone's right this morning it can't carry on this way , you need to sit down with your partner and tell her the whole truth as hard as that is and sc scared as you are of the outcome it has to be done to move forward , your living a lie with yourself and your Mrs and that's no way to carry on if you want to start the healing process . I'll always offer you support Paul but you need to do this ! Take care my friend

Thanks for your replies everyone, I know if I come clean that will be that. In your cases guys your partner/wife's stuck with you. This is my second time around for love, my first wife left me (I went home from work one day and she had gone, clothes everything no contact for 3 months, I still to this day don't understand why she did it, but she did), I promised if I ever found love a second time, I would look after it, I would learn from my mistakes first time around, we all make them. (at this point my only gambling was the £1 footie coupon a week), through the internet I found a lovely women who I fell for, nine years ago, unfortunately she lives 70 miles away, and our jobs have made it impossible to get together full time, we are relatively aging workers (crying as I type this), she lives in a really nice place and I live in a dump, the plan was for me to go their eventually. In 2013 I confessed to her several times about my gambling, after promising never again or it is over she stuck by me. I have never been able to accept the gambling losses, until now it is too late, my funds now are too low, for new carpets or a new fridge freezer (25 years old), so if I confess again three years on, I lose lose again, no future life together at 59, I remain in a very poor town, with all its social issues, it's a complete mess, it's a throughouly depressing situation, i am at work, only because i will not get paid, if i don't turn up. There is no repair on offer for this situation, I tell I lose her and a nice life, I don't tell her ............................ eventually i think she will find out. Take one look at me at mo, you would think I was a grey seal.

Paul she doesn't love you because she thinks you have a shed load of money. And I'm sure she already knows that you live in a rough area.
She loves you for the good time's you've shared. I'm sure you would have done good thing's to
You can't hide forever. And it's better to get it off your chest because you sound like your on the brink of a meltdown
You like me need a good rollicking. Don't be afraid to step in from the dark

Hi Paul , I just saw your post to shorty and can remember you asking that same question to me about 4 months ago . The answers going to be the same my friend you become pro active , get up off your @r*e start accepting your losses , come to terms where you are and start dealing with things one day at a time , nobody can fix this for you except you and without sounding harsh what have you got to lose by telling your partner when your whole relationship is based on a lie ? If you lose her then you lose her , you get over it and begin again with a honest truthful relationship , you may be surprised that she doesn't run but either way without ioi being honest for once you won't move forward and she's still living in a buble of deciet and that's not fair Paul , time to stop asking for answers , man up and accept the outcome ,

Paul do you really think your future is naffed because you lost your pension pot? Millions of people go into retirement with nothing and they still live happily. We've all lost money mate I assume you like me knew the risk but we did it anyway. If money is the only thing that can make you happy. You need to take stock of your life. Stop wallowing in self pity it's to late for wishes
It's time to strap on a pair and work out a plan of action
Your mind can be your best freind or your worst enemy. Use it wisely
Sorry for the ramble

Hi Paul

I am one how has lost my partner and son through gambling. When I owned I knew what I was doing I knew 90% it would mean the end of my relationship after 20 years of being together but I could not go on living the lie it was not fair not presenting all the facts and allowing her to make the decision if she wanted to try and work through it or not.

She chose the latter no surprise, gutted yes but I still knew it was the right thing to do I could of carried on hiding it maybe got lucky and sorted the money out but I would still of been living the lie.

Surely a relationship should be built on trust and honesty otherwise it's not worth having. It's an equal partnership

maybe it will work for a a while but what's going to happen when it's time for retirement and you do put your resources together, she will and think the hell as he been doing for all these years he told me he was gamble free and obviously he hasn't been.

I can't tell you what to do mate but I can say if I was in The same position again I would do it exactly the same way.

Paul, I've read a few of your posts today and you're in danger of believing your own propaganda! And that is dangerous for you.

You have absolutely no idea why your first wife left you? Are you quite sure?

Your present relationship isn't based on a lie? Except that there's something very important that she's in not so blissful ignorance of that you can't bring yourself to tell her.

It's up to you how or if you move forward but the status quo is doing no one any favours, least of all you. Most CGs report relief once it's in the open. The support's there for the taking. Isn't it time for you to help you?

CW