Quitting

I have been reading some of your posts and can relate to your feelings of helplessness. I had managed not to gamble for the last three months but for no reason at all last week started searching the net for my favourite slot game having closed and self excluded from two other websites three months ago when i decided that time enough was enough. (had a problem since 2009-10). So since last Saturday have taken £4000 from my limited company (not legal) and lost every penny chasing losses that started at a £200 loss. Me being a stubborn b**tard i could'nt accept it and kept chasing.

Therefore i now have to find that £4000 to repay the company and somehow blag my way around not paying Vat and tax due at end of the month. I just cannot accept losing the money and continuously chase. Have done for 5-6 years resulting in high amounts of debt, bad credit history so unable to borrow etc etc. Same old story.

I have gambled in secret for a few years, the wife knew about it 5 years ago when i hit my rock bottom (which should of been the end of it) and was very supportive and we got through it. I know i may get some negative comments about not telling her but i will not put her through the stress again.

So self excluded from the website that was cause of losses and try again i suppose, I do not find abstaining for 3-6 months a problem it's the extended periods of time and binge gambling the problem i need to address.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do with telling your loved one, i am not here to judge just thought i'd let you know i can relate to your situation.

thanks for your support amt, i can relate to your thread, binge gambling, telling of partner etc, it's ok people having this calm approach to tell your partner, she may stick with you, she may not, if not move on, man up; if you are old and on your own it ain't much fun being on your own, tried that 2003-2007; the only way i can cope at the moment is by talking/posting to people. on here, they get it, though some offer advice, as if i'm going to log onto a website and blow another £K... i'm not, i'm at rock bottom financially, but i am mentally shot at, so looking for support on here, which in the main i get

You weren't going to gamble again in June & as far as I can see, the pain this time is equally as raw 🙁 You are looking for answers on a forum of people who are still largely finding our way, not from professionals that are better placed to assist. Then, you are batting off all of the suggestions that don't fit in with how you want to 'go from here' anyway! No-one is suggesting you start celebrating but I know from my experience that until I drew a line under my horrendous losses something was always able to drag me back. Rarely have I seen a response with so many people offering the same advice on here but the 'I can't' is wearing thin with me because I want to see you find a way to smile again & that won't happen until you take action!

The thing about most of the people on here is we are all battling this addiction and all trying our best. We try our best to conquer our own demons and if we can help we try and offer some words of encouragement or a little friendly advice. The thing in this instance is there seems to be a touch of compassion fatigue setting in. People click onto your diary and see a man wallowing in self pity and loathing and read that it's been this way for three months now. Nothing has changed and were thinking why bother?!?? There's loads of people out there struggling,I seen a woman who worked for BHS on the news 42years service paid off and pension null and void! I'll level with you myself and everyone on here would truly love to see you turn things around. Read your entries and sense some positivity etc but the ball is in your court,only you can do this. So come on pick yourself up dust yourself down and be thankful for what you have and not what you don't. I wish you well in your continued recovery. All the best 🙂

Hi all, I can see where all of you are coming from on, when posting on my diary. I am a man wallowing in the misery of his own making, I have decided to refrain from posting on Gamcare for a while, because I really don't have anything positive to say about my recovery as it is in its infancy, and I keep repeating the same points why oh me why. So i will continue to read on here, and seek one to one support through netline - Paul

Paul forgive me I didn't mean to be harsh I just wanted to try and shake you out of the slumber you find yourself in. Although your posts aren't what most people would prefer to read they are nothing if not honest. I think everyone on here just wants the best for you mate. If you genuinely feel you don't want to post then that's up to you but I believe it's a very useful tool in coming to terms with this addiction and the situation we find ourselves in. It can be very cathartic and a good way to vent. Whatever you decide to do just know that we all want the best for you. I wish you well in your recovery

Use the tools as you see fit Paul, but the ball's in your court. Wish you well.

CW

Afternoon Paul , thank you so much for the kind comments on my diary especially as your going through so much yourself at the mo , I saw your post this morning regarding stepping back from here and seeking one to one support and as always thats your choice Paul , I do have to ask though " Do you think it a wise move " ? coukld you not use both running side by side ? , you speak of being in the early stages of recovery and not having anything positive to say but what does that matter ? as much as I'm a positive person I'm not always in the most wonderfull frame of mind when I come here , yet I sit at my keyboard focusing on what I do have and soon realising that there's always people in worse positions and that I need to be mindfull of that fact , the same can be said for you Paul , as bad as it is there are people out there with much bigger problems than yourself , people with illness or people that have lost close friends or relatives that no amount of money is going to put right .

Your position is not good granted but you trotting off away from here is really not going to help , you need to be questioned , pushed and verbally molested into changing your mindset and the good people of this site will bring honesty and valid points in a way a non CG couldn't begin to understand .

As I said its you choice and whatever you decide I wish you well but in my opinion your jogging off to look for the same answers to the same questions .

Hi Paul...thanks for taking the time to read my diary. You asked how I manage to remain positive....to be honest Paul it's look me a long time to realize that the only messed up thing in my life is my gambling and I have gradually realized that if I stop gambling I can fix the one thing that's wrong. I have a great husband, 2 wonderful children, a house and most importantly (I find) I try not to deny misled the occasional night out treat because I find starving yourself of a few treats only makes you want to gamble more. I'll try and read your diary tomorrow, maybe I can give u some pointers 😉 xxxxx

*myself not misled

i

Lost my life wrote:

Hi all, I can see where all of you are coming from on, when posting on my diary. I am a man wallowing in the misery of his own making, I have decided to refrain from posting on Gamcare for a while, because I really don't have anything positive to say about my recovery as it is in its infancy, and I keep repeating the same points why oh me why. So i will continue to read on here, and seek one to one support through netline - Paul

Paul I think you have to be a man of action now. Make positive steps forward maybe put your money into an account where you can't get at it! I also think you should get to as many GA meetings as possible. It helped me.....

Your inadvertently offering loads to this forum.

Writing down thoughts can be very cathartic.

Your justified to wallow. This is such an insidious addiction. Agreed, one to one is needed.

Please keep on posting.

Hi, thanks to everyone who has posted on my diary, encouraging me to continue to post in this thread. I was on chat tonight and new beginning and deanno fed me some positivity. So i will to continue, here, but i fear it will be the same old same old for sometime. I know i don't understand recovery yet, I am mourning my losses, my final loss on 22.8.16, this was so massive it is life changing forever, so excuse the misery and self hatred. What the people in recovery gotta understand is MY FINANCIAL FUTURE IS WRECKED, so it's gonna take a lot of time to accept that and embrace recovery. One day at a time - thanks

Glad to see you still posting Paul I can see that slowly your coming to terms with what's happened. Don't expect you get over it in a matter of days or even ever but at least you'll learn to cope and adjust. One day at a time eh well done

Paul i went to AA first time in 1988 an finally stopped in 1994. My gambling was a bad as my drinking back then. I cant get back the money i lost, if i could i would own my own house. Day 48 and counting. good luck