Quitting

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Hi Paul I've just read your post to Oldham. Mate you have had a relapse haven't we all. There's no point running away when the going gets tough. It doesn't matter if it's depressive what you write. Better to write it down than keep it in. It's not all plain sailing and just because it's not a happy post doesn't mean you shouldn't slap it down on your diary.
If it's good bad or dam right ugly get it out.
Get your big boy pants on and get posting. Recovery won't come to you. You have to go to it

I just wanted to say hi to everyone on here today, my main thought's are a:-how can i survive going forward and b:-how do i tell the most loving person in the world to me ever,that i am a selfish stupid greedy individual who is now not worthy of her anymore. Tears oh tears fill my days - Paul

Hi Paul you are not doing yourself any favours. I think you have come to the time that you have to discuss this with her. Until you do you are second guessing and worrying yourself silly. You don't know the reaction you are going to get but either way at present you are in your own mental prison. You have to go forward now, come clean. Only then can you start your recovery otherwise the deception will eat you up. I know had a broken marraige and 2nd relationship finish in last 4 years. But now in a better place to be able to face each day.

My answers to your questions..
A..you can't go forward...until you are truefull to yourself ...which means telling the other half...
B..write to her..ring her..text her...anyway...just tell her..
A won't happen till you've done B
Like you I spent weeks fretting..making myself sick..about hubby knowing because I was scared of the
outcome..imagined allsorts of scenarios...and yes...it was a crappy few days to start with....but it was nowhere near what id imagined..
Wishing you the peace I know feel x

Try a different approach, Paul, and you'll get a different result.

I won't venture into the do-you-actually-want-a-different-result territory. If you tell her it probably would inhibit the gambling. Sounds like a positive move but only you know what it is that you really want.

Hope it goes well.

CW

No-one can beat you up like you are already doing Paul but no-one can make the changes for you either.

You seem intent on second guessing your relationship & constantly beating yourself up (which from what I have seen is a true hallmark of addiction) but you haven't actually addressed any of these issues since you came here a broken man.

Please, get some real life support, if not for you @ the moment, for all the people here that are rooting for you. Addressing a) may help you figure out b) - ODAAT

Thanks for all the support given to me by fellow sufferers and other halves on here, and the staff at Gamcare, but ...................... the pain is no easier today, getting out of bed to function and getting to work is so hard. So hard to be normal and happy like the rest of the workplace when your life is such a stupid mess.

The tears just run down my face at the thought of the relationship I will lose, she will not tolerate what I have done, what sane person would, without her my life will be over, she made me live again after I was lost when my wife left. I am a disgrace to me, to her, to my parents, to my son's. I want to close the bedroom door and never come out. Sleep forever, if only. I am suffering but not as much as when I tell her, the pain will be tenfold more. I am trapped in this situation, if I don't tell her now at some point in the future it will come out, the pain now, tomorrow,next week, week-after, next month, next year, two year's. What a mess.

What would solve your pain Paul? Whats the solution?

No, more money is not the solution and turning the clock back is not the solution.

Think of a real life solution instead, not a fantasy one. There are plenty of examples on the forum.

Paul Ive had a look over your old diaries and something struck me.
Today's post was written pretty much word for word 5 years ago as your first ever post. So what's changed in 5 year's? Absolutely nothing except you seem to be making a bad situation worse. You were scared of telling her then and your scared now. This is just my opinion but I think you're using not telling her because your addiction to gambaling doesn't want to give you up. It's the only thing holding you back?
The truth will set you free
You can probably hold off telling her for another 5 maybe 10
Maybe the post in 5 years time will be how you sold your house and sunk it in an online casino?
Paul you need to try something different anything is better than nothing.. Sorry if it seems tough love it's not the way I intended it

Paul,
If i were to write you a cheque for 40k it would go the same way as all your previous money. You would gamble it away. Not because you're greedy or stupid but because you're a gambling addict. You had a big win. Life changing money. It wasnt enough for you. You gambled it all away again. Not because you're greedy or stupid but because you're a gambling addict. So what will it take for you to stop? You're prepared to risk your relationship & your kids inheritance just to gamble. When will you find something that you're not prepared to lose to gambling?
Where does the line get drawn & you do what is required to stop? When you've sold your house to finance it? When your on the streets? When no one will want to talk to you ever agaiin? When Paul when?

Also best to keep this conversation on your diary as it makes no sense to others trying to follow your journey when you flip flop between each other ( never understood why thats the etiquette on here)

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