Re-building My Life

Hi Tomso

Happy New Year to you and glad to hear that you are starting off your 2014 as you mean to finish the year.

I wish you the best of luck in your commitment to fulfil your goals.

Take care and remain strong.

Feb.

Hi Tomso,

... and a Happy New Year to you too! A happy, gamble free 2014 is also my plan, no more small bets, no more monthly limits.... FIN!

Sounds as though you enjoyed the festive period, we too had salmon with prawns (great combination). I can eat prawns like I eat a packet of crisps so they are always a winner for me! I'm sure your guests lapped it up!

I like what you wrote in a previous post about the distinct contrast between what appear to be two similar mentalities; "getting through one day at a time" rather than "enjoying one day at a time" As you have stated many times, life is a game of psychology and (as you know) the more you tell yourself something the more susceptible you are to that becoming a reality, so if you just want the day to be over at 8am, then it already will be! One word can make a big difference.

Keep up the good work buddy, together we can get through this year and look back again next year to see some real progress! Gamble free is a tough ask, but not if we truly make that choice! Lets do it!

All the best

Alexis

Tomso

Fella it gifts me no greater joy than to read that you are 'enjoying' life.

For it gifts me the knowledge that it can be done fella, to triumph over what would seem disaster!!

I did raise a smile over the best soup in the world my friend a title which would be greatly contested !!

A competition that would be healthy I may add although regards soup I have to debate heavily with myself which one is the best of my own making, I change my mind like the weather!!!

Keep making the right choice.

Me I will keep enjoying sharing.

duncs stepping forward never back.

P.s I love the ready made prawn cocktail in a tub, my guilty pleasure, my sarah always appauled by it!!

Day 18.

Thanks for the post guys.

I wonder why it can't be like this all the time. I haven't gambled for 18 days and my mental health has improved dramatically. I am not running down the street screaming about how happy I am but deep inside I just feel fine and content. Why then do we feel the urge to go and ruin all of this.

This time I really won't look beyond today. I am very lucky. Every day I seem to have something that I can look forward to. Tonight, my wife and I are going out for dinner to our favourite restaurant. That will be nice and I will appreciate all day long that I have this option and someone to share good moments with. I had never given it a moments thought until Captain posted on my diary recently but others find themselves alone at this time of year and that is very unfortunate. Every day now I take a few minutes just to think about my day and try to appreciate what I have.

Tomso.

Hello Tomso - you may remember we used to chat through postings a while back.

So pleased you are battling on - just keep aiming for 'I will not gamble TODAY' - achieve that and it's job done.

Best wishes

Dave

Day 19.

Cannot believe it is the weekend and I go back to work on Monday. I am in a nice little routine at the moment where I get out of bed at half eight and spend my days relaxed with no thoughts of gambling. Don't really want this to change.

Defo going to struggle to fit into my work trousers on Monday morning. I have done some eating during these holidays. Christmas is the best.

Tomso.

Then don't let it change big man! Just your trousers perhaps, after they split at the seams!

Hope your having a splendid weekend!

Alexis

Tomso,

For some reason, yours is always a diary I feel compelled to return to! Pleased to hear xmas was successful and you were able to enjoy quality time with the family.

As I have said a thousand times - your posts are engaging, and often inspirational. You write with great clarity, managing to capture moments of contentment/despair with complete accuracy. For this, along with the support and advice you give so many, you are a popular character that people on here care about.

Having said this, your journey is arguably the most frustrating for me. Now, for instance... you are in a period of amazing clarity - the dust from your latest binge has settled, you accept how lucky you are in life, you recognise the importance of friends and family around you. You are positive - you think clearly - you distance yourself entirely from gambling, in so doing launching your self into other productive activities and hobbies. All of this is to be commended.

This forum needs cheerleaders. It needs people to step up and say 'well done Tomso,' 'great work, keep up the abstinence'. God knows we have all benefited massively from such support. However, I think it also needs challengers - people who will question each other in the hope of helping them beat this addiction.

So please allow me to offer my humble advice. Feel free to disregard it entirely. I might advise that you take a step back and think deeply - really deeply - about how this 'cycle' will be different. What will you do differently? What other techniques can you use? Possibly counselling, possibly GA - whatever - there are several options. But history has shown that posting on here has not been sufficient for you. Goodness knows I spent far too many years relying sporadically on a couple of resources (alongside my own willpower) which were never going to be sufficient.

I desperately hope I do not come across as pontificating or judgmental. It's just difficult to read sometimes... you speak with such clarity and determination one minute... but it is not just about that one hour - one day - one week. I suppose I've talked myself into a bit of a muddle there (since I am contradicting the old adage of 'just for today'), but I hope you appreciate my point. Let's say a neutral analyst looked at your patterns of gambling activity over the last year; would they advise you to try something new?

Personally, I felt like my journey to complete abstinence only started when I embraced GA, counselling, the forum and CBT all at the same time. I should stress that the forum is the only thing I continue now, but all these things played an important part.

Sorry to ramble on

Good luck mate

D123

Tomso I remember you writing on my diary in September when I had had a massive slip. I'm sorry to hear of what happened pre Xmas but you just have to accept it, learn from it and use it to grow. I am similar to you in that career wise I am ambitious, competitive. This was always my huge downfall in gambling. Well I'm luxuriating in changing my mindset, at gambling I'm a total loser. I've found starting to accept that and letting go of the chase very very liberating. I'm glad u have made a diary and I wish you well on your journey

Day 21.

Someone once told me that it takes 21 days to break a habit and the rest of your life to enjoy recovery. Well I haven't gambled for 21 days and feel good about that but as D123 has mentioned on a previous post to me it is about long term abstinence for me now.

My kids were running around the dining room table the other day and knocked the laptop off the table, which was charging at the time. So, laptop broken - totally gubbed. Not really one for posting on my phone. Way too slow for me. I type vey fast on a keboard not so on my phone.

Tomso.

Yo,

Kids who'd have ummmmmmm ???????? Lol

I read your post the other day , the one about looking at recovery in a different light . My interpretation on what you wrote , was about being in recovery not being a woe is me . Like when on a diet but not being allowed a chocky biscuit. Then letting that impact on your whole being , like a punishment .

Anyways that post brought such a smile to my face .

It was like the penny dropped , opppppppssssss.

We get to a stage in recovery when we choose not to gamble , instead of telling ourselves just for today I will fight it . We also get I believe to a stage when being a compulsive gambler takes a back seat in our life instead of being in the forefront of every thing we do. Once this happens the shackles that bind us , are not sooooooo very tight . Therefore to move forward is less constricting .

Bit of a long one here 🙂

You my dear friend , are most defo getting there . Are we totaly outta the woods , no , and we never will be . But the woods are no longer as dense as they once were .

You take care ,

Shiny xxxxx

Hi Tomso,

Very well done for your continued abstinence. Keep reaping the rewards recovery gifts to you!

As of laptop...sorry to hear, got a image of ur kids playing space wars and going round 200 mph lol

Phone is good to use too ..takes longer to type lol..but comes in handy 🙂

Take care and keep doing what you doing - enjoying your and ur loved ones time together.. brilliant, be proud!!

Sandra x

Day 22.

Nothing to post today. No problems. Just posting to stick to a routine.

Hope everyone is well.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso... good stuff on the gamble free time. Like you say good to stick to a routine of posting. Its like being accountable to something, in my mind at least. I hope the running continues to go well. Its hard to get out the door when its blustery outside I find but once running I am glad I made the effort. Regards... S.A

Day 23.

No desire to gamble but work life sure can be challenging. Ever since I went back to work on Monday I have had to deal with disaster after disaster. Now I need to commute 500 mile round trip tomorrow to see a customer who clearly just wants me to turn up so that he can beat me with a big stick. I am a big boy and don't mind getting yelled at or beaten with big sticks but I could do without the leaving at 4am and getting back late at night.

The journey tomorrow sees me travelling through a lovely little historical town where I used to love stopping off for something to eat and a game or roulette. I say I used to love it but truth is I encountered a terrible loss there one time, which is documented on another diary somewhere, and had to endure 5 hours of driving with nothing else to think about.

Tomorrow, I will stop for something to eat but won't gamble. This is definitely one of those challenging times when I will be bare with no blocks. I need to take my bank card for fuel, I will be tired and I will most probably be beaten up by the time I leave. The reward will come in the morning when I remain on my run of no-gambling days and stay on track to reach my goals for 2014.

I won't be able to post again until Monday because of the broken laptop. So when I don't post don't necessary think I have relapsed. I will be fine.

Tomso.