reborn on the 4th July

Hey castle thank you again

If the c**P that is my life laid bare at the moment stops one other person placing their next bet and causing a tsunami around them then it's not all in vain

There are friends around me I could talk to and vent at but it doesn't quite have the same impact as seeing your thoughts forever in black and white. Words thoughts and feelings that I need out of my messed up head immediately. My diary gives me that.

If there's one thing I have and that's faith that one day everything will be ok.

Keep strong and focused on things that matter. The best things in life are free. The smile from a child costs nothing. Their tears from being let down costs

Shelly x

Good morning castle,

Passing ships indeed lol, trust me I do get confused with the pattern, sometimes just get a phone call from the manager saying I'm late, where am I lol lol (not really 🙂 )

Good to see your strength growing and agree 100% with the "power" of this wonderful site. Respect to all admitting of having a problem and biggest respect to all innocent souls on the other side of the fence.

Recovery is hope and peace ahead...we all deserve it one way or the other.

speak soon and take care (don't work too hard 🙂 )

Keep on the right track, you are doing amazing

Sandra x

Thanks Shelly , Sandra

Had a really good weekend , after working Saturday till bout 2 I picked jess up and had some real quality time giving her my full attention no thoughts for gambling she really does take my mind of everything

Pay day thurs and should get a decent wage as the bonus I received last month half if it was wiped out by the tax man so I'm hoping I should get a bit back this time , the key is to save a bit and not leave myself short and struggle it's important for me to get a good month behind me after the last two have been not so good

For now though still back to basics one day at a time and staying close to this site

Pay day arrived so time to stay focussed got a few things to pay out for the holiday , clothes for me and jess , airport parking , insurance nothing too much so on paper I should have a comfortable month with hopefully a bit to spare and save , still find the whole money situation hard with in the view of having more than I need as been used to living on a shoestring all my life and saving money as never happened

Still one day at a time and making that right choice each day and in truth it really is that simple and that's my focus

Hi castle

Good to see your road ahead is a sunny one and building a better future for you and your daughter

Shelly

Thanks shelly

pay day came and have paid off the bits I needed still find it hard to stop thinking about money and where I an with it something which was I habit from whilst gambling I just need to relax a bit more and as long as I don't waste any then all should be ok

went back to see the counsellor yesterday and it was good to see her again I don't think there is a lot she can do now from a gambling point of view that's down to me only but she does help from a support point of view its good to just talk for an hour just bout day to day life I'm just goin to go every month as don't feel I would benefit any sooner than that

a nice reminder today of what life can be like without gambling in it , just sat outside the pub having a meal with Jess in the glorious sunshine no stress just relaxing a far cry from my thoughts been consumed with nothing else than gambling

Another great day yesterday

Took jess to meadowhall and spent just under hundred pound on her buying mostly clothes for her and our upcoming holiday a stark contrast from a month back when that amount got blown at the bookies , so it was pleasing to put the money to a much better use

Later took her out on her bike round a country park again the weather beautiful , having only just learned to ride her bike she is now doing so well on it , believe me she shed many tears of frustration at first when learning , she showed me a real grit and determined side though which can only stand her well for the future

Finished the day off by going out having a few beers which is not like me when on an early the next morning , I'm guessing that will take its toll throughout the day

Overall a great day with no gambling involved long may they continue

Castle,

Delighted to hear you are doing well. Also, really happy to read that you and Jess have a holiday to look forward to and know that you guys will have a marvellous time.

It really is amazing how much joy we can take from spending our money on someone dear to us. It doesn't even matter if it is an expensive gift or even just somethng that costs a few pounds. The point is we can do stuff like that when not in action but become utterly selfish when gambling. I love being able to treat my family to a few treats and feel really good about myself when this happens. It is so much more worthwhile.

You deserve a few beers. Good for you.

Tomso.

Hi Castle,

Great to hear you've had a couple of excellent days. I guess like many of us here you seem to have your fair share of ups and downs - so it's great to read you really made the most of your gamble free life over the weekend. unfortunately I've had a couple of false starts and I'm now on Day 6, but more determined than ever, with posts like yours showing me what can be achieved. All the best, Granite.

Thanks Tomso Granite

Been about 4 weeks since my slip and seem to have recovered from that quite well , urges been very few which is always good and a relief

It was great to hear from Charlotte even though it turns out she suffered at the hands of gambling , I have followed her diary right from the start and she has had so many ups and downs but she always fights back , then Shaun posted on her thread he started his diary the very same day as I did and was the first person to post on my thread , again he had been doing so well to only recently slip up

It does make me think though and I always ask the question can we fully recover from this ? , I have read many views of gambling whether its something we can and should just stop or whether its a disease an illness I have to say I believe it is an illness as its something that's inside of forever there is no cure , it can be controlled though and that's what a lot of us can do but when life hits a low which in truth it will happen to us all many times that gambling demon will rise and take advantage of our weakness at that point in time , there's no cure in my opinion our medicine is accepting it taking precautions getting support and most of all never give up and keep trying

There's so many questions another discussion over the years is the level of compulsion which has caused huge debates all healthy I might add , in the end the truth is we will never know we just have to deal with it , the past is the past we can't change that the future is our own destiny

In truth it simply comes down to the choices we make each day choose to gamble or not some days as i said will be harder than others but its still a choice we have

Hi castle,

Well done on your continued abstinence and you are right, it is all down to choices. Demon will always be next to us waiting for a weak moment where it can pounce and shred us in pieces. Addiction is powerful but we are stronger than we think . This fight is worth fighting, the outcome can only be positive.

I wish you well and will catch up soon, a bit of a hectic week this end 🙂

Take care

S x

Hi castle, great to read about your shopping trip with jess. Meadowhall is crazy isn't it!

When my daughter was little she used to always thro pennies in the fountain making her wishes. How I'd love to thro a penny in there now in the hope at least 1 wish would come true.

Can't beat Meadowhall at Xmas either. I love all the magical pretty lights - I'm still a big kid at heart lol

I heard on the radio they introduced a slow lane for the browsers and a fast lane for everyone else. Not been for a couple months to check it out so is it really true?

Thank you for the post on my diary, my divorce is probably going to take forever 🙁

First mediation appointment the other week and he didn't bother to turn up. Solicitor said it will cost thousands if we can't agree and there's no way I can afford to do it.

Apparently I can do all the paper work myself but I really don't know where to start

I'm sure I'll get there

Shelly

Evening Castle,

Glad to hear you're bouncing back well from your relapse, the urges don't always seem to come and go in the way you would think with this addiction in my experience.

The question about recovery is an interesting one, and while I am inclined to agree with your conclusion. Even for those who haven't gambled for several years, the urges still seem to return periodically, and management before the urges come can help to overcome these when they happen.

All the best,

Ryan

Morning castle

We are flying out to Egypt on 1st august. My boys love it there. Last time was 2008 they were quite little and remember everything about it and have wanted to return ever since

I'm looking forward to 2 weeks of intense heat and sun. Life's always better with a tan lol

Never been to Corfu but one day I will.

Have a great day ahead

Shelly

Thanks everyone

A long tough day yesterday at work , turned into a 12 hour shift , we are at the stage where people at risk of redundancy would become apparent after inputting information for 32 staff taking hours on end for then only with one click of a button and 5seconds later 5 names appear who's future is going to change instantly , I now have to wait till Tuesday to get the information validated and confirmed the names could change with a few challenges on my side but nether the less 5 people will go and I have will have the unfortunate job of been the one to tell them , I have made a promise to myself not to say a word to no one even though many will ask as they have all been kept up to date with the process , it's the only fairest way but for myself this will be tough on me bring plenty of stress with it so I need to be careful as the urge to block all this out will be strong

One day at a time will be crucial and making that all important decision each day and choose not to gamble

Only I can make it