reborn on the 4th July

You found it then - think my daughter would slap you lol you just aged her by 23 years!

Hi castle,

Thank you for your kind words on my diary. A bit of madness moment there but seems to calm down now. Yep, it is not easy and you know what's going on around me these days, but hey I am not ready to give up so just keeping the fight up.

good to see you in high spirits and wish you all the best. Enjoy ur evening and weekend of stress free time 🙂

Take care spk soon

S x

Castle

Sense of humour fully intact, gets worse with age tho 🙂

Laughter is always the best medicine. If ya can't laugh what can you do?

Shel

Thanks Sandra Shel

Apart from the result had a really good night plenty of beer and a taxi home and still change from 20 quid so I'm my eyes money well spent and not wasted , it was great just to watch the match and relax not sweating on someone scoring , soaked up all the atmosphere and fully enjoyed it

Worst for wear this morning has not had much sleep , picked jess up and spent the morning with her she got me a t shirt and a bottle of wine which was thoughtful of her and again to be fair to the ex she was too

Jess gone and just back from parents and the few expected urges are there same usual reasons on my own unplanned not much to do , I often think this will always be the way whilst I'm single I always believe my life won't be complete until I have someone other than jess to share it with , under the circumstances I feel I do really well I have to manage all my own finances not much support on the outside , mentally though I am strong and have proved that I have no blocks as I feel as good as they are and useful in the early stages my view is if you want to gamble then you will no matter what , it is all about that choice each day and making the right one

Today the urges were there and I made the right choice , why ? Because I want that better life I want it to be complete to make it complete I have to have something to offer and one day I will my finances are the best they have ever been in my life no money worries at all

What I don't want to do is go into a relationship with gambling as a part of it , for now though I'm very happy on my own I have my beautiful daughter Jessica who has been my rock and inspiration to change my life around

In return she will get everything she needs , the best will be unconditional love forever something money cannot buy or won

Castle

The best thing about kids is their ability to love unconditionally. They don't care how much money we have how big the bank balance is. All they need to feel is love.

You could have all the riches in the world but what's it all worth without love

Love costs nothing. Jess I'm sure has love in abundance and that makes her the richest little girl.

Never forget the important things in life - best of all they're free

Shel

Just want to add I've not ignored the email request I just haven't relieved notification yet

Shelly

Thanks for your post of support Castle much appreciated as ever and good to read you are still doing well and without blocks in place.

Not good result last night but performance wasn't bad. First world cup match I've watched. When no inclination to bet I don't have an interest in watching anyone but England, maybe watch in knockout stages.

Best wishes

Hi castle

My daughter thinks Christina aguillera has stalked my gamcare page and wrote that song lol

She sends her thanks to you for all the support you have offered on my diary and wishes you every happiness.

Shel

Morning

You've raised a funny memory from when my daughter was about 18 months and discovered her temper. I was so shocked that this perfect little baby had almost changed overnight. I spoke to a wonderful health visitor who was a grandma herself. She gave me some words of advice that I've actually passed on to many. I'd like to post on here but wouldn't make any sense as every other line would be starred out lol if gamcare pass on your email to me I'll forward it on. Believe me it makes perfect sense as well as makes you laugh

Thank you for the compliments. I think lol

Dating sites - hmmm not for me but if it works for some good luck to them. My daughter has threatened to put me on one but I threatened her with homelessness 🙂

I like to meet people the good old fashioned honest way. Friendships are the best thing in the world so long as they're genuine. Honesty is probably the most important thing to me. This I instill in my kids. If they do something wrong no matter how bad they think it is they have to be honest with me. They're more likely to have their gadgets removed or sent to bed early for being dishonest than they are for what they may have done wrong

The ultimate punishment my kids get now they're older was having to sit and watch bbc news for 1 hour then sit and write about it only for me to screw it up and thro it in the bin. Cruel mummy. But it works!

Hope Jess's. Rehearsal went well for her.

Off for a swim and a few house calls - easy day!

Shel

Shel,

Dating sites aren't that bad from what I've heard....your daughter sounds like a very wise young girl with her head screwed on;)

It sounds like she wants what's best for you and wants nothing more than for you to be happy after everything you've been through. You deserve a break.

M poppins.

Morning afternoon evening night - that's all the bases covered lol

My day didn't quite go to plan, went and did my house calls by the time I did them my throat felt really sharp. Came home shivering, ear popping away and the gland in neck swollen. I really don't have the time to feel as rough as a badgers backside!!!!!

Anyway sat on the sofa still shivering and that's all I remember til my phone rang. Thank god it did as it was 3 pm and my son needed collecting from school and I was dead to the world.

Had a read thro the f&f page as I always do came across MP so I have an idea but can't confirm til tonight. Have a read.

Shame children need feeding isn't it they're gonna make me get up as I'm now laying in the sofa with the sun beating thro and could do with sleeping thro til tomorrow. Might be the thought of another loooong weekend at work coming up. Could just be these germs that are attacking my throat.

Youngest son is full of chatter with muddy school trousers shirt hanging out - think I'll rename him stig of the dump. I just have to look at him and smile. Hurts too much to talk anyway.

I can see your point about your course. Did ya learn anything lol

I have to do them regularly - they're more designed to make you yawn and sleep well than learn anything tho. Still law says we have to do them as medical legislation changes almost as often as the weather. Health & safety always my least favourite. Zzzzzzz

Some of what they teach us human instinct would never let me do so I don't know why they bothered telling me.

If I was with one of my patients and a fire broke out I'm supposed to leave them and get myself out!!!! No way. I may not be built to throw them over my shoulder and carry them out but neither am I designed to leave a person in a burning building!

Fate- I think my views on that one match yours. What will be will be.

I think you can look to hard for love and not always in the right places if you stop looking and when you least expect it - there it shall be. Love finds you. Loving yourself is the first step. If you don't respect yourself who else will. And in truth from what I've seen in others not caring about ones self gets projected on the outside for all to see.

....o*g eldest son just walked thro door like stig of the dump 2. What is with these boys? Time to put the washer on.... Catch u later

Shel

Thanks again for the post on my diary & my daughters. I had a lovely text from her telling me not to go in her room apparently it looks like a bombs gone off. Curious I looked. World war 1&2 have nothing on her!!!!

Boys are home from the park with the football on supporting Germany - their adopted home country for many years of their lives. My daughter would give anything to go back. She loved it there and lived a completely different life.

Maybe one day she will get to return with her future hubby as we never know where forces life takes us.

As I clearly have your permission I shall blame you entirely for my sore throat. Feel like I've swallowed razor blades. Not quite man flu but enough for me thanks.

Dinner is cooking my boys favourite sausage mash yorkie puss and gravy. I'll pass on dinner just no appetite. Mine will consist of water and paracetemol!

I'm glad for jess's sake you woke up to the damage CG bestows and hope that she'll never experience all my children have. I hope she will have no memory of who her dad used to be.

Like jess has grown in her years you have grown with her. Grown in to the person you had buried underneath an addiction/ life choice/ illness , however you see it.

Grown into a person that can hold their head high, enjoy a social life, probably has more friends than you did 2.5 years ago and a wealth of respect on here. More importantly the respect from your daughter and there's no greater wealth than that.

Shelly

Thanks Shel , M poppins

Mmm nice tea esp the yorkie puss lol have to give RSPCA a call there lol

Been a good day no stress just a course to attend I didn't learn much in truth but it was a day out of store so not complaining

Another day notched up gamble free and going along very nicely , enjoying the World Cup roll on Thursday for a must win game

Curious as to what rubbish I'd typed. o*g I am laughing so hard tears started to roll. My boys sat staring at me as if I'd lost the plot.

I can safely say the cat is safe!

They definitely had Yorkshire PUDDINGS for tea.

Don't you just love predictive text!

Hi Shelly

Thanks again for your supportive post yes things have to be talked about in the end whether good or bad

Otherwise what is the point of a relationship with secrecy and lies and no communication

Little mAn flying to Egypt at the moment with OH on his computer asking why and how every five mins As a two and a half old does and I am sitting downstairs thinking yes please tell me why I became a CG

Hope your sore throat is better I can tell tell your spirit has lifted and normal life does go on whatever the weather and you are dealing with your changes sooo well keep going and keep strong one day at a time

Suzanne xx