reborn on the 4th July

Castle

Sharing a little happiness and thanks today with those who have been kind enough to be there every step of the way

Today really is the first day of the rest of my life going forwards.

No foot in the past. Faced my fears head on. Faced the life I led. I finally understand everything I did and why. I know why I put up with everything.

I thank you for walking beside me thro some dark times. You duncs and I wished have always shared supportive words that have been a crutch til I woke up. I will carry all of your kindness from the 3 of you forever

Shelly - still taking one step at a time but with a spring in my step lol

Hey castle,

Good to see you marching on confident steps forward. It does get easier with time passing by. Stay on your guard and keep doing what your doing, it is working!! Keep it up and take a good care of yourself

S x

thanks everyone

well today is the 4th July one year ago today divorce came through hence the rename of my title , it was meant to bring closure on a difficult period of my life which brought many stresses and a couple of relapses within that

since last year my recovery has gone from strength to strength yes a small relapse happened to the tune of around 150 quid in my view not a bad return for a compulsive gambler but its now not bout the money its the learning and outstanding of what I am dealing with and making progress from my learnings

I know there is no cure it lies within me my ultimate phrase will always be I can't beat it but I can make sure it doesn't beat me and it won't , my past is my past I can't change that even though it can come and bite me from time to time my future is mine to make what I want of it

it really simple now I have a choice to make each day and only i can make it make the right one and i can have all the rewards life as to offer make the wrong one and i have so much to lose

I will make the right one

thanks everyone

well today is the 4th July one year ago today divorce came through hence the rename of my title , it was meant to bring closure on a difficult period of my life which brought many stresses and a couple of relapses within that

since last year my recovery has gone from strength to strength yes a small relapse happened to the tune of around 150 quid in my view not a bad return for a compulsive gambler but its now not bout the money its the learning and outstanding of what I am dealing with and making progress from my learnings

I know there is no cure it lies within me my ultimate phrase will always be I can't beat it but I can make sure it doesn't beat me and it won't , my past is my past I can't change that even though it can come and bite me from time to time my future is mine to make what I want of it

it really simple now I have a choice to make each day and only i can make it make the right one and i can have all the rewards life as to offer make the wrong one and i have so much to lose

I will make the right one

Happy anniversary if that's the right thing to say

Be happy anyway!!

Shel

thanks Shel

been a really good week got some really strong support and its having a massive effect on my recovery no urges at all been busy all the time work Jess and seeing friends for the first time in my life I have been the happiest , most importantly it given me strength to deal with problems that before I couldn't deal with

I made that change and only a few people understand how hard that change was to make , others will never understand and always see me for the person I was whilst gambling

I'm still very focussed on my recovery and won't get carried away with how well life is , as always I know how easy that can change I know the misery that waits if I make the wrong choice each day

my past is my past that I will not be going back to the future is my own to do what I want and do it for me and not others

8 days to go and corfu here me and Jess come !!!!

Hi castle

You are doing brill to be able to take your daughter on hol to Corfu says it all.

Just don't forget sun cream very hot this time of year. Out there lol

Suzanne xx

Morning

I will ring ahead and warn Corfu that you & jess are about to invade their island lol

Have a fantastic holiday- forget work and all it's pressures cos this is father daughter time.

Most of all relax

Shel

Thanks Shel Suzanne

In October 2011 I decided enough was enough and finally admitted I had a problem and from that day onwards I have fought every day to make a better life for me and jess , at this point I was just under 20000 Grand in debt living with my brother in law all my independence stripped from me this was certainly the lowest point of my life

If you can imagine opening a jigsaw puzzle tipping it onto the floor well that was my life a complete jumbled up mess from that first day of my recovery I started to piece my life back together , there were so many problems to deal with but step by step I started to deal with them this took time and led to 5 relapses in total , in that time I learned about myself I gambled for 26 years practically every day so to try and stop just like that in reality was never going to happen , the change I was making was massive day by day week by week year by year progress was been made

In that time I have built a new life a flat for me and jess to live reduced my debts down to under 7000 grand , been through a stressful divorce through that I have been supported by some wonderful people on this forum and in return given support to others although I have to say mainly through recovery diaries , piece by piece I was putting that jigsaw together but always failing to find that missing piece and often trying to force a piece in that I knew would never fit

In January I decided to take a step back from this forum which proved to be a wrong decision which led to my 5th relapse , as always I bounced back and rejoined the forum but this time I explored other parts of the forum and started reading friends and families which really opened my eyes to the devastation caused to many others who were so innocent , one particular diary by Shellyb really touched me in a way I never expected yes I felt her pain her daughters pain her sons pain I read and read till eventually I felt compelled to post in return she posted on my diary and from that day we formed an unlikrely friendship , for me I was astounded by a woman who could show so much compassion to others who have the same addiction has what as destroyed her life for the last 15 years it made me look at my own recovery in a different light , from that day on we posted regular to each other to a point where our conversation was non gambling related we both knew we lived close by , in the end I asked to exchange email addresses which Shel excepted , my purpose was to offer support with her upcoming divorce to try and help her boys and daughter understand the life of a compulsive gambler for me the return I knew would be invaluable to my recovery , we quickly learned our lives were very similar the only difference gambling played a part in our lives in a very different way , we finally met two weeks ago by chance and with the kids there too , the instant connection was overwhelming it was like the kids had known each other's all their lives ourselves it was easy to talk openly and felt comfortable

From the outside I wouldn't expect anyone to understand the question been why would Shel want another compulsive gambler in her life , on my side I feel I have proved myself I have logged all my life for the last two and half years every emotion feelings I have had are all documented I have bared my soul giving it my all to change my life and that is the respect I made the change and Shel has made the change and we both know hiepw hard it was , we both know we have so much to offer each other and have made a friendship for life

Where this goes who knows but we both felt it was best to be honest with our recoveries , for me the jigsaw of my life will be complete when that final piece is fitted this May be the piece it may not be but what I do know I want to find out

What I do know is that all my life I have been ashamed of my addiction but that now has changed I am proud of my recovery I am a compulsive gambler but I made the change and can prove that my life has changed I believe in myself I feel normal , I know the dangers that lie ahead I can't beat gambling but it won't beat me

Someone believed in me and gave me that second chance in life for that Shel I thank you from the bottom of my heart

o*g...Castle

Am sooooo happy for you.........not ashamed to say tears were rolling down my face.

Womble xx

P.S. Always said you were a KING!

Hey castle

And good to see you in a such a strong and confident place. Keep at it, you are doing it 🙂

One more week and all free time is yours. Make the most out of it

Take care and spk soon

S x

Castle

fella there is a week's difference in our starting our recovery diaries,we have walked this road side by side,we have learned a great deal from each other along the way,hit a few bumps even taken a wrong turn or two,but without doubt for me the journey has been one worth every effort.

Life has improved,as men we have I believed bettered ourselves in equal measure.

I know you wrote that one day you hoped to share your recovery journey with your Jess,for that I would like to add a few words.

Jess your father is a very good man,he has worked very hard to address his own shortcomings in life,all through his devotion to being not only a better person but the best Dad you could have.

From where I am standing he has done an amazing job,one I know is a job for life,but one I am sure he will not leave any stones unturned to make the best out of,to abstain and maintain.

Be equally proud of each other.

Castle With unconditional Honor and strength my friend.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Castle

Thank you for what you have written on your diary.

One thing you said to me the other day that I was glad to read in your post and that's you are happy and feeling ' normal'

You feel like this because you put in the hard graft. You got to where you are today. You are the dad to jess that she needs because you want to be. You are the man you are today because you chose to be. Yes people along the way have spoken their own words but you did it. You made the change. You changed your life. No one else could have done it for you. For the changes you and only you made you have the right to enjoy your today.

Now hurry up the beers in the fridge and we are starving lol - see ya in a bit

Shel

thanks everyone

took the time to post again after recent events on the forum were opinions have been divided and many posts of obscenities have been rightfully deleted , this is a forum of support for everyone and for no one to be abused

looking back in my part I feel maybe I could have handled my posts better taking other peoples feelings into consideration but then others should really do the same and le more upfront with what's happened , for 2 and half years I have bared my life and soul on my diary the whole truth good and bad its easy to just pick out the bits but what good is that you only get out what you put in

my recovery is all that matters like for anyone its the only one I can control I have to stand up for what I believe and this is my diary to write what i feel to benefit me and what I wrote on my last post is the truth from it my recovery has strengthened if that upsets others then they really need to look at their own recovery and deal with their own issues

however I will take all comments on board from what's been said and learn from them , we should all support each other we are all equal all suffered from the destruction of gambling

we all have choices though in life and we can only make the right ones myself after recent events I know i have made the right ones

Hi Castle

Haven't read your diary for a while but good to read you are still doing well and well done on the new relationship! Is this Gamcare or Blind date?

Best wishes