reborn on the 4th July

Hi Castle,

Words cannot describe how I felt when I read the words you wrote on my diary (read what I wrote on my 15/7/14 post)

You have given me the strength....Thank you my friend!

So happy for you and wee Jess.

Womble xxxxxxxx

Thanks captain sue

Point taken captain

So proud today as jess was chose to be head girl of her school for next year , the effort and determination she has put in is just deserved

2 working days before our holidays and they can't go quick enough I'm just ready to collapse already , mentally and physically draining

holiday has arrived and I am more than ready for it I'm physically and mentally drained through work it has been such a testing. few months at work with redundancy and biting hours

saying that I do feel so strong with regards to gambling its the furthest thing from my mind

Hi Castle,

Hope you have some great plans for your holiday, you've had some tough times in work over recent months, and the rest and recuperation should be invaluable. I know I always find holidays the toughest time, but with Jess you have something completely different to focus upon, and to keep your time occupied with something much more positive.

May it be one of many good times that not gambling has brought you. Your post from a few days ago was a very positive one, the support gained from this place is invaluable, and it is good that you can share that support offline as well as on the forum.

All the best mate,

Ryan

Hi castle

Have a lovely holiday with Jess stress free from gambling

Suzanne x

Thanks Ryan , Suzanne

Had a fantastic holiday with jess just what was required , Greece is just so laid back and it really helped to relax and recharge the batteries , overall couldn't have wished for a better time

What it did allow me to do was to sit back and take stock of my life , work been on top of the agenda I took the time to really think long and hard about what I want , as a store manager for 22 years working for the same business I have thoroughly enjoyed it until the last couple of years , the business has really struggled cut backs have been made and new strategies put in place , this I'm really struggling to buy into I see need the need for change but every decision that is made goes against in what I believe , I speak with other managers and many feel the same but as always no one is brave enough to say anything

Then my current store I have been there 4 and half years and in that time my marriage has ended gone through a stressful divorce had an on off secret affair with a member of staff which took 3 years to work out that it was all based on lies and mistrust and of course started my recovery to lead a gamble free life

I now know I need closure on this part of my life too much has happened in that time to just carry on in the current difficult times , I need to know whether it's me or my job that is the problem , I have my review next week and a transfer request is at the tip of the list , I inow going somewhere else is going it cause me more stress and hard work has despite everything my current store runs well has few little problems and I know where ever I go it's going to be harder , I will get answers though whether they are the ones if am looking for who knows but I know I can't just stay and di nothing

If nothing changes then nothing changes

Hi castle

Thanks for your post and I am glad you had a lovely holiday with Jess

Take care Suzanne xx

Hi Castle,

I'm glad u and Jess had a nice holiday, I know how much u enjoy spending time with her creating memories 🙂

I am also glad u have found happiness, u r a gr8 guy and deserve 2 be happy 🙂

Stay strong xx

Hi Castle,

Hope all is well with yourself. Thank you for all your support and understanding all the way. Keep being good to you, enjoy life without self destruction in it.

Take care

Sandra x

Thanks Suzanne Charlotte Sandra

Had a really good two weeks , really struggled at first going back to work but after a few days it was like I had never been away , in these two weeks I have been a different person yes the holiday def helped the main reason though is the woman who caused me so much pain and heartache for way too long was away on holiday , everybody noticed how upbeat positive and less stressed I was and in return they worked to their 100% capability and for the 1st time we achieved nearly everything within in our hours given after been cut by 110 hours

It' made me really stand up and look at myself , in that time I had my review from an accountability point of view I just scraped in with a partially achieving but improvements will need to be made this was expected given the turmoil our business is going through , I also had the conversation about a possible transfer I was honest and told him everything of the last 4 years I also told him of my gambling which is a massive step for my recovery my mindset has changed now from been ashamed to been proud of addressing my problem he was understanding and didn't judge

There was no plans for manager moves but asked me directly if I needed to get out to move on , only one person would have made me say yes but why should I let that one individual who again brought me so much misery and pain make me leave a store where I have worked so hard to get it where I want , so I said no I wasn't desperate to get out , on her return we shall see how it goes we had strong words a month ago before our holidays if nothing changes then I have the option for one of us to move , a lot of that is down to me to try and forget all the lies that nearly destroyed my life but I'm not the person I was then I'm strong I have people in my life now who care and believe in me

I now know what I want in life and nothing or no one will stop me from getting it , as for gambling it plays very little part in my life the odd occasional urge like with the World Cup and the start of the season but it's easy now I have a choice to gamble or not

Everyday I choose not to

Hi castle

Nothing changes if nothing changes but hey you have made big changes

You know what you want now and what you don't want or need in your life

Gambling certainly comes across at out of the equation

I am so pleased for you that you have new beginnings

A new start with a lovely lady who I do miss checking on me and pushing me but whatever Shelly did helped work Every time this certain song comes on it reminds me of you two so you are in my thoughts and I wish you both all the happiness that new beginnings bring

Gambling has no part in your life now and you are very positive about work keep going staying strong and keep building your new life and keep posting and say hello to Shelly for me

Sincere thanks to both of you for supporting me on this road to recovery

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne

Well life going along very nicely then bang made one bad decision and everything changes , from this I consciously chose to gamble simply because I didn't want to face up to what was happening in my life just blocked all the pain out for that day , fortunately no damage done financially not one penny won or lost , mentally the fight is back on , I'm ok though the acceptance of this is my life and it will always be a battle one I won't win but I will not lose

Fortunately the only person I can hurt is myself , jess of course still plays a massive part in my life and is the reason I fight and always will

I take strength from the big picture the progress is massive and it will continue to only get better

Yo,

Bloody addiction hay . Think you've got the measure of it and from what seems like out space you take a hit again ,

Suppose we just continue to do our bestest to keep it at bay or limit the damage ,,,,...

On a brighter note enjoying the X factor auditions so assume you and jess are hocked again this year

The small things that give us pleasure 🙂

Hugs to you both as always

Shiny xxxxx

Castle,

Just read some of your posts and it seems you have a lot of history with the people here.

I don't have time to read it all so of you have time could you sum up your story for me?

Did you find love on here?

Take care

Mba

Hi castle

Thank you so much for your continuing support

I am sorry you have had a minor slip but the lesson you have learnt I am sure you have turned this into a positive

This is a journey of recovery no one is perfect, you have done great on abstaining for so long, and I am pleased that you are simply carrying on

I believe this addiction is a lifetime commitment to abstain and if we slip we must get straight back up head held high and keep walking forwards

Well done for doing that

We will be tested throughout our ups and downs with our lives and that is when the addiction try's to pull us back in.

I think you are a very strong person to be honest about your slip and I wish you well on your continuing journey of recovery

Stay strong and positive

Suzanne xx