reborn on the 4th July

Castle.

Fella so glad to read that you are looking after yourself,I agree that you went gung ho at recovery I think this is a thing us compulsive gamblers do go gung ho!!!

I hope your councelling continues to benefit you and further enrichen your life and those close to you, in short my friend I hope you are truly rewarded for the huge effort you give recovery and in turn that of others, keep making that choice and above all be kind to yourself.

Duncs steppingforward never back.

Been nearly 2 weeks since last post and been testing to say the least , on my last post I said I had turned a corner by makin a massive decision in my life , well that went great felt so positive for bout 3 days then the reality hit home and realised my life had now a big hole in it this has not been helped by been off work for a week with way too much time to fill

The boredom started to set in I had to face up to life has it now was and wow it hurt , those dreaded urges returned tryin to make me hide away from my problems so from Sunday to Thursday it was 4 days of sheer hell I could feel the depression setting in the urges gettin stronger and stronger

So I had choices to make I needed to make the pain go

away so I made up with my friend but once again the feelings were too strong on both sides , so no doubt the vicious circle will return

So how do I feel ? Well to be honest relieved the 4 days was agony the urges were so strong I was caving in gambling was a way out of not dealing with my problems

So back to square one for now and am goin to av to reevaluate my life again , yes it's not great but then I knew it wasn't goin to be till next year

The main relief is staying gamble free which is somewhere over the 6 month mark now , I fully understand now why I gambled which is a massive positive and know what gambling does to me there two factors played a massive part over the last week

Other positives the holiday is booked off Portugal for a week with my daughter , the divorce is 2 months in and only now av 2 more mortgage payments to make so financially will be so much better off by September

Sometimes I talk too much! Today I will just say it's great to see you!

Flagg

Yo,

Crazy crazy the world of addiction. Trying to battle through one thing , gives it a glimmer that it can temp you again. And if you had of succumbed you probs would of got back into your relationship any way to try and make yourself feel better. A bit like dammed if you dammed if you dont . So to speak.

Well done for not giving in, i wish with all my heart your journey was not quite so bumpy . But I suppose we grow in strength through it.

Really really makes me happy to hear from you, and that you and fairy princess are planning your hols together.

You take care, and try to stay in touch , cause as you can see by the number of comments on this site about you , there are plenty of us routing for you .

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Really glad you're back Castle and that you've managed to keep strong despite going through a difficult time, that shows strength, committment and focus. You've been sorely missed my friend. Shiny, once Dusty, will be delighted and overjoyed that you're safe and sound, like the rest of us. Take care, Steve.

Hi Castle,

It was really nice 2 get a post from u 2day 🙂

Just wanted 2 say well done 4 staying strong during the tough times 🙂

We r all here 4 u, if u need us netime 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Castle,

Great to hear from you and welcome back to the forum. As others have mentioned you have been sorely missed. I always look to your diary and you have been a true friend to me in terms of your support on my diary.

I hope you have an amazing time with your daughter in Portugal. I was there two years ago and had a great time. I was lucky and managed to have a few games of golf there, which was brilliant. Also, it is great that your mortgage comittments are almost over and hopefully you will see the benefits of a little more financial freedom in the months ahead.

More than anything I would like to add how much hope you provide to others when reading your story. You obviously have a great deal to deal with at work and at home and to be able to carry on through such difficult times without returning to gambling is a true reflection of your character. Others give in at the first sign of trouble but not you. Your daughter may be too young too appreciate the type of father you are but she will notice in the years to come that she is very lucky to have you guiding her through life.

Great to see you back on the forum.

Tomso.

Good Morning Castle

What a great feeling it was to see The Castle back

😉

I'm so pleased to see you are still bet free, was getting a little concerned that you were staying away for so long

Portugal , that's great and i'm sure your daughter and you will have just the fab time , just don't go swimming and show her up ! or has the fitness and diet work lol lol

Miss our banter too

Whatever decisions you make about parts of your life i'm sure are what you need at certain times so don't beat yourself about them just go with the flow!

Hopefully the monies will get better when the commitment finishes , then it's onwards and upwards for you!

Take Care

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy

Great to see you back castle and also doing what you do best supporting and helping other cgs.

Iv had a quick read of the forum this last 20 minutes are so and there seems to be a feel good factor this morning and i reckon that has a lot to do with you being back because 4 me when i see the name castle on the forum i think of somebody genuine caring and wants to help people and that 4 me is what being on a programme is all about.

So nice to see you back castle, you have been through some challenging times by the sound of things and still remained bet free I hope you take great pride in that, your not turning to gambling to escape, your getting your head down and dealing with . Things pass and things change that is one guarantee. I hope you have a fantastic holiday ive been to portugal few times its beautiful , gets a bit cold sometimes at night even in summer so take a cardigan just in case for little girly. Enjoy you day. Take care . Blondie

Hi King of the Castle!

Thats how I think of you anyway.

Have spent this morning reading your diary.......Wow epic!

I cannot begin to describe in words the effect this has had on me.

The way that you explored the reasons behind your gambling, the way you adore your princess, How you show so much respect to your ex wife....The list goes on and on!

I joined about the time you stopped posting so missed your diary.

You have shown me the way forward......I have got a huge amount of emmotional baggage that I have hidden for so long and realise that I need to let go!

Thank you Castle....am so glad you have decided to post again......You help so many others.

Sue

Have to say I'm really touched by everyones kind words , just tryin to work out why I stayed away for so long all I can say is I knew I had to come back probably the closeness of relapsing was imminent and it was like a wake up call or someone flicked a switch in my head and the reality hit home

For now just gonna go with the flow and see what happens instead of worrying too much bout things I know I can't control for now , I was def losing my focus on the fact it hadn't gambled for over 6 months and that other things were more important and needed dealing with first

I av to give my gorgeous little girl some real praise today she's had a 5 hour rehearsal for her show the wizard of oz tomorrow school for 3 hours then another 5 hour rehearsal followed by a 3 hour show at night that finishes at ten back home then bed back up for school full day at school then another 3 hour show Tuesday night til ten then back up for school then school show wed afternoon and a school show Thursday mornin !

She shows no sign of stress or nerves just goes with the flow , so proud of her , her night shows is at the crucible theatre in front of bout 700 she has 2 parts to play 1st one is a munchkin 2nd one an emerald guard , one thinks she is goin to be shattered by the end of the week

Over the last 2 year's I don't know where I would've been without her she's the one thing that's kept me goin kept the fight inside me a purpose in life to keep driving for that goal of turning my life around , even though she's only 8 I owe her so much and one day when she can fully understand I will tell her how much she helped me

With a tear in my eye it's the end of another gamble free day and a new one to look forward to whatever it may bring

I feel so thankful I saw the light and those dark days did not return they came mighty close too close in fact ,luckily I took my own advice the urges came I found the strength to find this site find my friends with so much support so today I'm proud of myself and proud of everyone who kept supporting and believing in me

Thank u

Yo,

And so you bloody well should be !,!

(proud I mean )

And let's not forget you get what you give in life .

A lovely daughter, who is happy and well adjusted because her dad talks to her and builds up her self worth and confidence ( not all parents do that )

A group of people who care and support you on here but in the last six months you have given as much support and help if not more than has been given to you"

So the way forward, is that it's ok to be you , slowly we are building ourselves to be the person we want and deserve to be. Wonder what we will be like in 5 years time, gamcare supporters unite and rule the world lol

Take care honey, soooooooo glad your back in the fold cause you know what I have really missed you !

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey,

It really is great to see you back buddy! The posting doesn't need to be extreme or regular but just to see you check in on your own diary is good enough! I myself try but like you I have the moments where the words won't form or the mind is at breaking point, on these occasions I just get something down on my own thread. It's like my way of saying life is testing me but that gambling demon which prob caused most of the s**t is being kept at bay.

Stay Close,

Flagg

Hi King!

Thank you so much for your post.....And thank you for just being you!

As I said yesterday you have put my life in perspective. Have dealt with so many emotions since I read your diary.

There was a reason that you came back and even if it has helped just one person (ME!) It was worth it hey!

Sue....Your loyal subject!!!!!

Bet your princess is shining!