reborn on the 4th July

So much more settled now , no brain working overtime no urges back into a good frame of mind

Went to my daughters show she did fantastically well but so tired this mornin , off to see her school show this afternoon then straight off to work for a late shift then back on early tomorrow , still really enjoy my job yet it's so hard and stressful but it keeps my mind so busy and that is so important as I found out when off for a week

No major worries at all everything is still slowly falling into place sometimes I don't think I appreciate the me time I sometimes get when many others don't

Morning Good Sir,

Great post today! I sometimes feel when I don't write much on my diary it's a negative but actually it's just me checking in and saying all is fine, no probs today! It's great to see your diary says something similar, getting back on track and doing the day to day things without getting overly worked up!

Long may this continue!

Flagg

Well done for getting help again.

And thank you for your support on my page.

I too started gambling at 16 so know how hard it is like so many others on here.

Please post on any of my diarys if you want a chat or vent any of your bad days i will listen not judge and like everyone here support you like you did with me on my page.

Good luck x

Thanks for your post castle.

Nice to see your settling in again, its easy sometimes to try to make some connections to gambling when actually we just feel yuck!! Its not always the case, sometimes it just is.!

Appreciate the you time, its allowed and its necessary to recharge, regroup and recover.

You support lots of people on here and have a great knack of making people think about things in a different way.

Your a tower of strength, and I think one of the first people to post on my diary when i first arrived on this site, and for that I thank you.

Enjoy the rest of your day

Blondie

Hi ya ,

Log on a see your name dotted about hear and there really does cheer me up.

All I need now is for Cammeroon to come back .

Anyways , well done to FP , I have no doubt she stole the show and made you very proud.

Pleased works ok and you seem ok in yourself as well.

Keep going my friend , you got through those weeks and showed yourself just what you are capable of .

Respect to you my dear dear friend.

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Hi Castle, thank u 4 ur support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

It's so good that u r back posting, we all missed u !

Ahhhh, I bet ur little girl made u soooo proud 🙂

U r doing brilliant Castle!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi Castle

Thanks for your words and I do wish you the best in this journey, it is a lifetimes commitment to being true to ourselves one day at a time.

Wishing you a good day tomorrow,

John

arly start after not much sleep but somehow feel fresh and ready to face the day ahead , also feel positive and confident and more importantly can feell it inside my head , when I compare this to a week ago the comparison is so far apart

I av te accept that those dark days will return again at times but life is a learning process and hopefully I will learn from my last month or so and try to address issues more quickly and not letting them build up till my head is that full they feel like there's no hope

The one thing I would say I av learned on my 6 to 7 month journey is having a clear head is so important , like with gambling the mind is so messed up we simply can't see what it is doin to us but when abstaining from gambling the picture is so clear and the same theory applies to life our heads fill with worry or problems we try to shove to the back of our mind and don't deal with , then one day it just all becomes too much and unfortunately for us a relapse becomes a distinct possibility

So moving forward I will be honest to be myself deal with what I know I can deal with and what I can't try not to worry until I can

Fri 13th , thought it was gonna be one of those days today but with some positive thinkin I managed to turn a bad start into good day

Had a counseling appointment and that was good to talk and empty a few thoughts bout life problems , things are still slowly moving in the right direction just need to remember how far I av come and not to push too hard te change the future

Still need to put myself 1st and that's where the problem will always lie , always put others feelings b4 my own which can be a positive in some respects but a lot of the times it's not always a good thing , I look at people who av that ruthless streak in them don't care if there not liked and every decision they make is in their best interest , I do wish sometimes I cud be a little more like that but we are who we are

For now though my mind is clear and that's what's important , time will take care of everything moving forward and I will deal with them when they happen

These recovery journeys of ours really do give us time to reflect on ourselves and this seems to be what you are doing right now.

Gambling used to take away that time.

But not any more!

Have a great weekend.

NT

A good long day at work , been at my store 2 and half years now and this mornin walked in after been off yesterday and it looked absolutely amazing , the standards of how it had been left were as good as mine and that takes some doin , the hard work effort I av put in the time training my team is now paying off , when I look back to my 1st day there and how the store was then , so today was a really proud day

7 months ago I don't think I would ever av wrote that and that's because gambling took my self belief and confidence made me feel worthless , I av also noticed how much assertive I av become not let staff get away with as much , I do find it very hard at times don't really like been the bad guy and having to upset people but again been more confident this has helped me

I fully believe now that to control gambling u av to be mentally in a good place to understand why we gamble , I would say that not facing up to problems that are in our life or things that av happened in our lives that were never dealt with at the time

Once the understanding is there we can combat gambling , I really understand the reasons for putting blocks in place as if the strength and determination is not there then no matter what blocks are in place gambler will find the way

As mentioned b4 I I don't av any blocks in place and never av this was just what I thought and think is right it's my personal decision and would not advise anybody to do it this way but for me it's about been mentally strong and pushing myself to test myself

I could slip up and I nearly did but so far so good and it works for me

Good Morning Mr Castle!

Thank you for my post , numbers of words ahead lol lol , us cg's are bloody competitive !

Castle you can be ahead it is fine with me if that's what you need lol lol

Great to see work is good for you , same here , the mind works better bet free and i have achieved alot in the last few months, my staff think i'm pretty ok too , well when i'm not moaning at their c**k-ups !

Totally agree too that we cannot hide from our problems and that's exactly what we did when gambling, hard at times cause us humans do not like to feel hurt and some decisions we have had to make in order to arrest this does cause pain however it does ease in time.

Soooo happy your back and feeling positive

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy

Hi my friend ,

Loved the bit about your shop being ship shape and Bristol fashion even when you have not been there.

Sort of got me thinking , that took what just over 2 years but slowly slowly you got there. And probs did not notice until that day when it suddenly hit you in the face that you had achieved that ( with the shop and the staff )

I think our addiction is the same, every day we change something slightly, could be our reaction, could be our perception , could just be that the stress our addiction caused us , is slowly disappearing. But as we are in the middle of it we can not see it the change. Until one day it hit you slap in the face.

It can be frustrating wanting everything to change immediately and at times feeling it is not moving on.

But I believe every minute of every day we are changing for the better it is just so suttle it is not noticeable.

The answer I suppose is just keep striding forward ( like Duncs) .

You take care , have a good week, you have achieved so much already , keep hold of that thought !

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Had a fab day out at cleethorpes yesterday just me and daughter , spent bout 30 quid in all and she had an absolute blast of a time we both were exhausted at the end of the day , to think 30 quid I used to blow in one minute on a horse or a dog I knew absolutely nothin bout and to compare that with a full day out to see the enjoyment on my daughters face , well there's no comparison is there

On school duty tomorrow , assembly presentation in the mornin got to hand out some rewards to the kids ,all part of my school parent governor role to try and get ourselves recognised with other parents so they know who I am , then in afternoon doin the summer fair got a stall selling drinks and crisps buns and biscuits all from work, try to build community relationships with work

All is really well just using the one day at a time and enjoying the days as they come the future will be what it will be for now

Nice one Castle, could totally relate to your post. Best £30 you could ever spend, can't beat memories. Your daughter will always remember that day after we're both long gone. You've turned things round, you can see things clearer and with perspective. You must feel good about yourself, free from the misery of gambling. I know I am, I can look myself in the eye now and feel worthwhile instead of worthless. Your daughter must be proud of you as well, giving out awards and helping in school. You're important to her, although kids never tell you that or if they do it's because they want a biscuit or to stay up late. At least my little girl does. Enjoy it all, you deserve it, keep strong, keep focused

And enjoy your recovery.

Steve, enjoying his.