reborn on the 4th July

Hi Castle,

Was wondering where you had got to!

Sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment. Princess away, work probs and to top it off divorce probs.........................But you still havn't gambled...congratulations on that!

I know you and ex dont get along that well but would she not be a little more understanding on the mortgage front..........doesnt hurt to ask!

If I remember correctly you're off to Portugal soon.......Maybe focus on the positives for the moment.

Sounds like you have done the right thing at the moment with the dating site.........Don't need anymore pressure for the time being!

A lot of people really look up to you on here castle.............Me being 1 of them!

Things can only get better.....

Had to end on a song!

Sue xx

You look after yourself mate and you know were all here 4 you if you need us.

And as sue says it wont be long now 2 portugal 4 use thatl be the medicine!

Take care

Hi Castle,

It seems like u r going thru a tough time at the moment. I think u r an inspiration when things get tough u still stay gamble free and that takes alot of strength and determination 🙂

I'm sure u can't wait 4 ur holiday with ur little girl 2 Portugal, keep counting down the days it's something 4 u 2 look 4ward 2 spending some quality time with ur little girl... lots of fun 🙂

Stay strong 🙂

Yo,

Just a quick dip , during my 5 min break.

I have no doubt fairy princess is having a ball , and that she will have the same with you , on your hols in a few weeks

Know that you will miss her , know that being a part breaks your heart .

But it's good that she can have a hol with both you , and that relationship you have with your ex, allows for her not to be torn between you .

That is a testament to what a great dad you are.

It's tough what we have to do sometimes for the greater good, but believe me when I say in long run its was the right thing to do.

Any way my friend , keep on keeping on .

Here's a dusty hug , just to keep you going till mini fairy returns .

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Staying positive and just focussing on what I can deal with ,spoke with my daughter and she's having a great time really pleased for her

The Olympics has just come at the right time for me , I can get really absorbed into watching them yesterday was the most amazing day ever esp last night with the athletics it was a real proud night to be British

So 2 days into my little test and alls goin well no thoughts of gambling and thats the aim just to get through ,

I will face up to my problems in life as I know if not it will lead me to gamble

Castle,

I have just read one of your previous posts from either friday or saturday and I think that is possibly one of the most amazing posts I have read on this site ever.

From the outside looking in, your journey is so challenging. Far more challenging than mine. To go seven months gamble free after doing the same thing for 26 years is beyond words.

I am sorry to hear about the end of the dating game for now but hopefully you will be able to return to this chapter later on in life.

That is total rubbish about the extra two mortgage payments. This cannot be fair.

You story intrigues me more than any other on this site. If you published your diary it would be a best seller and if they turned the book into a film it would be a tearjerker.

Never give up my friend.

Tomso.

Hi Castle,

Thank you so much for your post and constant support.........means so much.

Glad you are enjoying the olympics......as you said......... Well proud to be British!

Just what this country needed!

Glad you spoke to princess.........She is obviously a credit to you!

You are proving what a fighter you are ........Well done!

Sue xx

Hi Castle, thanks for your post. I try to use humour as a way to get through life yet that doesn't distract myself from my determination. Underneath the laughs I'm still truly focused, determined to stay away from gambling for as long as possible.

I too gambled continuously since mid teens till now, six days a week until they changed the racing timetable to include Sundays, then it became seven. It was always there, loved it, hated it, lived it, breathed it, resented it, tried to give it up on countless occasions, failing each time.

We both obviously love our daughters, I don't know about you but I was emotionally devastated when we split, not over my ex but because I felt that I was no longer there all the time for my daughter, seeing all those precious moments I visualised in preparation of becoming a father. Although it hurt badly I had to always try and put on a brave face, for Maisie's sake, it was tough still is at times I suppose but it's certainly not as bad.

Relationships now mean little to me if I'm honest. I have my own life, my daughter to look after and I'm content with that. I don't feel as if I need anyone else emotionally at the moment so I'm pretty lucky in that respect. I've had girlfriends since the split, or just friends to Maisie but I can honestly say I've felt nothing towards them and I've always ended them before they got too serious anyway. Will I ever fall in love again? Who knows, I don't really care to be honest, all I'm doing is concentrating upon myself and Maidie at the moment and I'm happy with that. I don't think this is sad, I feel quite content and liberated to be fair.

The mortgage payments are a bummer, hate nothing worse than 'surprises' like that, right kick in the balls. A financial setback yes, end of the world, no. Another little test for you on your road to recovery/understanding. How you choose to handle the outcome is up to you, however I hope you can somehow sort it out.

I hope you don't miss your daughter too much whilst she's away, time will fly by though, and absence will make the heart all that more the stronger. You're a good Dad and although kids don't appreciate the love we have for them this mustn't distract us from our unconditional duties. Despite all the ups and downs, changes you've been through, you've been there for your daughter, others can't do this, but you have. She must love you dearly and be very proud of you. Don't worry too much about not having the 'staying power' for swimming, running, gym etc because you've got the staying power of being a good and decent father as well as being committed to not gambling. These things are infinitely more important. Everything else will one day fall in place or we reach an understanding which leaves us contented.

Take care Castle, keep strong, Steve

Hi Castle,

Thank you so much for your post and for welcoming me back.

I realised that I need this site and my diary as much as I've ever needed it right now and this seems like a good time to start a new phase in my recovery.

I'm sure like you, I get as much from supporting others as I do from getting support myself so hopefully that should help me stay on the right track.

Thanks again for your post and it's great to be back!

Lmm

Bloody solicitors. Sorry to hear about there c**k up, not bloody good. Its always annoying when things change, especially financially, your 2 months behind in your plans and the gambler in you may want them 2 months back straight away but i know youve changed and you know that wont work. Just have to get through it and hope things get sorted asap.

Try to keep busy this week and although its easier said than done but try and see this week as a break from littlin and enjoy the week doing things that you couldnt do if she was around. Know you'll miss her but the week will go quick and youve got your holiday to look forward to with her.

And on the gambling front 7 months is fantastic, a great achievment, shows people it can be done.

3 days in to my week of my daughter been away and coping well , she's phoned last 3 nights but last night she didn't seem quite right just put it down to been tired with all the hot weather , then had a text tonite from ex sayin she's cried last 3 times when she came off phone as she misses me , in some ways this makes me sad as the last thing I want to do is for her to be upset so told her just to text me to let me know she was ok and to make sure she was happy with a smiling face for rest of the holidays , in another way it's nice to know I mean so much to her but at 8 its a big thing she is having to do been away from her dad then 2 weeks later to av to be away from her mom and am sure she will feel the same , I know there will not be many kids that will be goin away abroad twice this summer and in that respect she is very lucky but emotionally it's tough for her

When gambling it was so easy to ignore the feelings of others close to us so today I'm thankful that desire is not there and av a very clear head to think bout my beautiful daughter and how she is feeling

Mentally I am strong the strongest I av been and I will get through this week just like I will get through this year and turn my life to the way I want it

Still by takin it one day at a time and dealing with life and what it brings

HI Castle

Thank you for your post at the weekend it really made a lot of sense to me as you always do 🙂

My youngest was 7 when i split from her dad but we both agreed that she would always come first irrespective of if me and her dad were together or not. It was tough for her at first as we never had set nights of her being at mine or her dads, we let her decide and at first i thought this was to much for her, like we were asking her to choose between us, but we always re-assured her that it was ok whereever she wanted to stay. She settled into this after a while and will be 13 this year her dad is re-married and she has a sister who is 4 and I am in a relationship. Me and her dad always have been honest and open with her, I have a great relationship with his wife she even puts kisses on texts to me . My boyfriend couldnt quite beleive how well we all got on.

What im trying to say is you are a fantastic dad who obviously puts his daughter at the top of the priority list and she will always know this and thank you for it as she gets older.

You will get through this week because you are strong and you know that all you are doing and have achieved so far will continue to have such a positive impact on both your futures.

Keep going castle your doing just brilliant.

Blondie x

Yo,

Well done mate , just for being you .

Such honesty , as always . I have no doubt that you will get through the year cause in my mind you have seen the light !

You are right , you are the strongest you have been , and I know that strength grows daily .

And as for fairy princess , she'll be fine because anyone who has such a forse field of love surrounding them could not be anything else .

Big hugs , week will be over soon , your hols on the way and new memories to be made 🙂

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

Morning good fellow,

Thanks for your post as always! I often note you greeting the people just starting their recovery/diary just as you did me and I absolutely respect you 100% for that! I look at the new diaries sometimes and I just cannot find the words I guess it should be easy to give the advice, offer the encouragement but at times I struggle whereas you always offer them sound advice and kind words!

Just reading your last couple of posts highlights how far you have come in your own journey I have read your diary from the beginning and you write now as a man with such awareness of others especially those closest to you! I think we all have lots of making up to do when we stop gambling and I think you in particular have really taken life by the scruff of the neck and turned it around! Sure there are things that you know still need to be done, addressed, put to rest but I remember writing to you some time ago now about the importance of not doing too much to soon and fighting too many battles at once! That leads to exhaustion! I think you prioritized and got it spot on hence why much of your thought process right now is about your daughter!

It is brilliant to see and testament to your recovery that you can now do all of the above things! Life doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be better and I think that's what you have realised!

Keep going this week, before you know it you will be on that big bird flying away yourself! Thoroughly deserved!

Flagg

Hi Castle,

Am sure your wee girlie missing you gives you a huge sense of pride but also you must be hurting that she is missing you. Unfortunately in life this is what happens to kids when parents split up. It does sound to me that you and your ex are doing a bloody grand job with her.

As said your ex will miss her when she goes away with you.What strikes me is the adult way you both seem to be handling it. Lets hope she can see sense about the extra mortgage payments you have been asked to pay!

Sue x

Sue x