reborn on the 4th July

Hi Castle thanks for your post. I will have to make sure im in and out of that account very quickly. Shame about the knee. The gyms a good idea. Seems a lot on here try and get fit again. I guess gamling takes over and we forget about fitness, pluss theres time to feel i suppose and fitness is certainly a good choice to fill the gap.

I know what you mean about the people that come and go but theres not alot you can do other than offer support and advice and hope its taken in and that the individual gives themselves the chance to succed.

Thanks for your post Castle. It was very interesting to read your earlier post about the 'wobble' and relapsing. Personally, I accept that I'll never be fully cured yet I've got to keep maintaining a mindset and lifestyle where I don't want to bet. It was a close call for you when your bet was turned down but if that had been me then I would have probably found other means to satisfy that foul urge. Yet you never, somehow, you managed to resist and listen to common sense rather than 'the urge.' That took something special and I'll try and remember that for when my demons come calling. I see myself as sitting on a volcano, thankfully it's not erupting at the moment, it's not extinct either just dormant. When the conditions are right or wrong then it will be under intense pressure to explode. Hopefully I can read the signs beforehand and act accordingly to save myself. Just as you did by contacting gamcare.

It's not all doom and gloom though, people live quite happily on volcanoes for years and years without concern. I myself choose not to worry about the future but if I relapse my only hope is that I can find the courage and strength to pick up the pieces and start again. Always one day at a time. Take care Castle, enjoy work because it sounds to me that you're good at your job.

Steve

Hi Castle, thanks so much for your post on mine. You are spot on in all you say my friend, it did take a lot for me to come back, and Im not fully 'there', not by any stretch of the imagination, but I am fighting for all Im worth, and to date Im winning the fight 🙂

I think that admitting that Im an addict has helped me to accept that this poison will always be in me, I just have to not let it get the upper hand - ever !

You yourself are doing an amazing job of your recovery, keep up the good work my friend, your a much valued member of this site, and I for one appreciate all your support.

Have a great Sunday

Cameron

Yo,

Good afternoon, hope you are enjoying your last day off before being thrown back into the lions den lol

Sort of get what you were saying about posting on new threads . Sometimes I look down the front page and notice that we've missed replying to someone . And will try and post , to be honest I do not find as easy as you . You have this great way of replying to the newbies which is individual to them personally .

Me I try , but it takes me time to get to know people and work out works makes then tick . Having said that I believe it's important that I make the effort , like you said when I first came to this site I was given bucket loads of support by the good folk around at the time .

God sossssss this is turning into an epic ...

It's sad when people disappear after a few posts , maybe there time had not come . But for the many that leave , the odd ones that stay in for long haul , bring a freshness and renewed energy to us all

Like I said you my friend are one of the champions of these early posts , sometimes I read one and think , how does he do that . I hope one day you do relies your dream of becoming a councillor , cause I think it may well be your calling .

Big fat hugs to you , my dear dear friend .

Shiny xxxxxx

Hi Castle,

I see you continue to be a great contributor to this forum. Credit to you! As you can see I have changed my name, deleted that old diary and started again. Looking forward to continuing our short friendship where I left it.

As for Shiny, I totally agree. One hell of a lady!

Best wishes as ever,

A>N.

Late night for me but feel very content esp with this site all nice and positive with some real good friends returning that av helped me in my recovery and I will always be grateful without them I wouldn't be on here posting now

Divorce is gettin stressful but holding it all together so determined to see it through and make 2013 my year , counseling course is still top of my priorities but the 170 quid I just can't afford due to a combination of my solicitor not doin is job and my ex not sending the paperwork back 3 weeks ago , it will get sorted and I will get through this , many months back that would not av been the case and would av gone out and gambled to hide the pain and try and win the money to pay the ex but fortunately I am strong enough to realise

Work is so hard at the moment and the pressure am been put under is the worst it's ever been but it's the same for us all just gonna get on with it I give it my all and I know I can't do no more

Today no thoughts of gambling work has taken care of that and no doubt tomorrow will bring the same but tomorrow has not come yet so one day at a time and see what it brings

Glad your feeling content and In a good place right now especially with what sounds like lot going on in your life. Hoping the divorce can get sorted and move along without to much hold up and your ex doesn't become to much of a pain in the a**e lol. Glad your staying strong and not letting it all get on top of you and the same with work, try not to let it all get ya down. Take care, a day at a time.

Hi Castle,

Thank you for the post. You are so kind. Glad you found my help encouraging.

Divorce is something which is never easy, always delays and heartache. You are so right, most of us use gambling as our emotional crutch, to make that pain go away for a few hours. It takes a much better man to face it head on. Also with work, don't let it get to you. It's only work at the end of the day.

You have come a long way since you first arrived at Gamcare. So strong, so supportive, so kind, so honest. All of these are qualities to be admired. You should be proud that you possess them in abundance. Stand tall my friend, try to smile and laugh a little.

On a lighter note, I shot 114 round my local par 73 course on Monday. So you are in good company. I still enjoyed it immensely. Like yourself I love a challenge whether it's a pleasure or a grind! Without the gambling I realise that life is full of them and you don't have to make them as they always come to you anyway. Take care, best wishes.

A>N.

HI Castle,

Thanks so much for your post and continued support its always appreciated.

I think you would make an excellent counciller castle, your articulate, compassionate, supportive, none judgemental and you have always given me food for thought in your posts.

You are a massive support to lots of people on here and a great example to newcomers of what can be achieved with hard work,commitment and determination to make a better life for you and your little princess.

I reckon 2013 has got your name written all over it, look what you have achieved in the last 8 months nothing short of amazing.

Take care

Blondie

My thoughts for today go with charlotte and sue neither posted for a nearly a week , it's a tough up and down journey as know all so well , both are so supportive and av built up huge reputations on this site the work they do is endless in helping others , sue the life and soul of this site posting on so many diaries worrying bout others and charlotte does so much on new intros as well as recovery diaries along with chat , to go on each day and fill that expectation is overwhelming in my eyes and mentally just can't be done , I maybe wrong and this may not be the case but from my own experience it just burnt me out been on here every day posting and supporting and in the end it took its toll fortunately it didn't make me gamble and hopefully that's not the case with charlotte and sue , I learned so much from this and it made me stronger and now try and put myself 1st which I av always found hard as I always try to be a people pleaser which is not good when it comes to ourself

Ultimately everyone on here is a compulsive gambler and that's somethin that should be always remembered with that view no individual is different to the other

Been a bad day today got paid yesterday and the decree nisi hasn't come through so am extra 270 quid of money has to be paid to the ex and to be really blunt it pains me to hand it over , I really can't afford to give it her but av just handed over 120 now with 150 next pay day , it's a massive financially blow for me gettin my life back on track but I am staying strong and focussing on 2013 been my year with a fresh start

One or two thoughts passed through my head of tryin to win the money back I av handed over it was a raw feeling compared to handing it over to the bookies but without the chance of winning it back , but sensibility is prevailing and am determined to see it through

Tomorrow got 2 of daughters friends staying at flat so full on night and Sunday day comin up but I know she appreciates it and it makes her happy and for me that's all that matters

Hi Castle,

I relate a lot to this post. I hope these two great people are just having a little break. It burnt me out too earlier this year. It becomes an enormous responsibility. Sometimes, I see a new diary and it makes me really sad unless I post. Sometimes you have to have a bit of ME time.

I also went through a really bad divorce about 15 years ago. I hated giving my ex the money. Used to stupidly try and win it back, but that was a long time ago. We know better than that now! So good on ya for resisting, it takes courage and strong will.

Enjoy your weekend, try to put it all to the back of your mind.

Best wishes as ever,

A>N.

Hi Castle,

You were one of the first members of gc who reached out to me when I first came on to this site. I will always be grateful to you for that. I agree with you about needing to look after myself first -- and there have been many times when I felt a pang of guilt for not being able to write or reply... and yes, those urges still come and go and probably always will but, we will continue to fight the fight won't we brother! Good for you for making the choice just for today, no bet. Thinking of you, and all of us for that matter... joan

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 ur support and kind words on my diary. It really means alot 🙂

Thank u 4 caring Castle, ur post on my diary made alot of sense 2 me 🙂

I'm sure ur daughter and her friends r keeping u busy 2nite lol.... It is clear that she means the world 2 u and it's lovely 2 read 🙂

Well done 4 staying strong, I hope u r ok!

Take care x

Been a long day today , at work early this mornin had a massive bust up with the ex has mentioned got to pay her another mortgage payment which is goin to leave me so tight for next 2 months , bearing in mind I pay her extra child maintenance every month and av just bought her new school clothes and shoes , and now today I get a text asking if I will go halves on ballet fees which is 85 quid a term , well to say a few choice words were exchange is an understatement , in the divorce I av lost everything which I don't mind as my daughter benefits from this but in my eyes my life has been in turmoil the last 2 and half years and hers has not , yes there are 2 sides to every story and I guess hers is completely different we just don't agree most of the time we just tend to agree to disagree and move on but I av to say I find it so difficult to accept at times and get sick of playing the nice guy feeling sorry for her when the I finish paying the mortgage and she takes it over she is goin to struggle financially , I took nothing from the house she has a nice 40 inch widescreen tv and mine is a 24 inch one held together by sellotape I can feel my blood boil whilst writing this I just feel I should walk round with mug stuck to my forehead , the money I could've done so much with so it's a real bitter pill to av to take

Daughters got 2 friends staying over and that's been a bit stressful , full can of cola all over sofa pizza all on carpet and water spilt all over worktop surface there having a good time though and that's what's matter managed to get them in bed watching a DVD so see how that goes , many people are surprised and can't believe I'm having 3 8 year old girl's staying over think I'm mad but everything I do I do for my daughter I just want her to be happy I think somehow to make sure she has the childhood I didn't

For me as I keep sayin life will get better the difference is I now know what I want and nothing is goin to stop me even if I am feeling a bit hard done to for now I will remain focused and wait for my time to come

Good Morning Castle

Wonder how the place is looking this morning lol lol , i did have a vision of these girls hareing around , making a mess and you standing in the corner quivering in fear lol lol

Only joking, i think what an amazing dad you are and your princess is very lucky to have you 😉

Thank you for all your support over the last weeks, i read but just not been able to reply so a big big thanks it does help!

Glad things are ok and like you say i do understand how you feel and it's really hard at times but Castle you have come and continue to soar onwards and hopefully the rest will settle in time.

Keep Strong

Lucy