reborn on the 4th July

Yo,

Enjoyed reading that post . Feels like to climbed up a ledge as Dusty would say .

Putting yourself first I know has been a difficult thing for you . So I take my virtual hat off to you .

Have a great weekend, start of strictly does FP watch strictly If she does you really are a great dad , sitting through them both .

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hi Castle,

I can so relate to your last post. Not many people in my life know about my gambling problem and the ones that do don't really understand, so this site and people like you have been a godsend for my recovery... thank you!

Glad to see that you are focussing on yourself and I just know that 2013 is going to be your year.. where you will achieve everything you want, because you continue to fight with all that you have, despite everything that is thrown at you!

Very proud of you Castle.. keep going mate!

Lmm x

Good to hear your thinking of yourself. That's what you need to do. Your getting your life back on track and are obviously in a much better position now than you were 8 months ago. 2013 will be your year and mine hopefully, I'm hoping it'll be a fresh start to, no reason why it can't be.

Hey castle - thanks for picking up where we left off. Your words of support helped today - thanks. Hope your head is up, too mate.

Hi Castle,

Thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary. It means alot 🙂

It is good 2 read that u r thinking of urself Castle... U matter 🙂

U r sooo supportive of others here Castle and u give me hope 2 stay gamble free... So thanks 🙂

Hope ur little girl is ok 🙂

Have a gr8 nite x

The divorce is now gettin stressful , just so strained between me and ex just communicating for daughter , also had a phone call from solicitor today need to go in and sign some paperwork which will allow the decree nisi to come through but guess what gonna take 2 to 3 weeks to finalise which means I should pay another mortgage payment , I just can't pay it having paid out for an extra one already , from a legal point of view I should pay it but since ex held some paperwork back for 3 weeks I'm goin to av to speak to ex bout this which is not goin to be fun

Trying so hard to all it all together but it's really gettin to me paying out money I really shouldn't be having to , having loads and loads of urges and I know why I just want to make this all go away , it's not the answer which I know and need to get through this

No motivation at the moment don't feel inspirational to try and help anyone , I just need to look after myself and get through this , I will be doin plenty of reading other diaries esp new ones need that reminder of what my life could be and I don't want to go back there

This is my biggest challenge in the last 8 months I know mentally how much stronger I am and will need all of that at this moment in time

Yo,

Oh my honey , what a great big pile of you know what .

I do not need a reply to this , I just want to say , I wish I had an answer to help you, and I don't .

But really wanted you know , that I am thinking about you , willing you to stay strong .

Your a good guy and do not deserve this , but sometimes being a good guy sucks , look at wp .

Try to stay close , you are right, put yourself first , cause you need to think bout you and FP first , not one of us would want you to do anything different .

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Castle,

I really feel your pain in this situation and try to imagine how difficult this must be. Can you not just say you don't have the money?

You are a great guy and I am sure you will stay strong and come through this. Life throws so much sh it at us at times. The way we deal with that is what's most important. You have shared this with us and we are supporting you. Is there anyone who can give you closer support at home? This burden you carry is a heavy one and sometimes we need a little trusted friend, I use my counselling sesh.

I know there will be better news for you just around the corner, stay patient and strong. You deserve better.

Take care mate,

A.N

Castle.

Fella just caught up with your diary and would just like to add my friend, Gamble free you are doing what you have to do with such humility and courage that I wish you gods speed that it concludes with that and you can deservedly stand as proud as you should today.

Forwards never back my friend together gamble free.

Duncs.

HI Castle,

Just wanted to pop by and offer some support, sorry to hear that you going through such a stressfull time right now. It must feel like its never ending.. But end it will my friend and you will come out the other side.

You cant pay what you dont have ? I know your trying to do the right thing but the delays are not down to you dragging your feet. There has to be a compromise somewhere, I hope you find one.

Thinking about you and sending through some cyber strength.

Take care

Blondie

A little more settled now , signed the papers at the solicitors and the decree nisi will come through in 3 weeks then decree absolute 6 weeks 1 day later so should all be finalised for xmas , just need to speak to ex bout the mortgage payment now basically if she had signed the paperwork I wouldn't av to pay it so I'm just goin to stand my ground to be honest the atmosphere between us can't get much worse

So the short term goal is to see the next month through and hopefully everything will be sorted from a financial point of view , the next step then will be work and pushing for a transfer for January this is key for me if I want to fully move on

However it will be what it will be and the most important thing it's to continue with my recovery , life will throw whatever it can and ultimately that's down to me to make the right choices each day

Hey castle. I see you're going through the mill at the moment. Without wishing 2012 away, perhaps we'll both look forward to next year knowing that the recent s*i* is behind us?

Focussing on your recovery is as important as the rest of the stuff and I hope you manage to take a bit of time out to chill. It's your life, too mate.

Man hug

J

Glad it's all moving forward and not far from being settled. Then you concentrate on your transfer and truly your new life can begin. But your doing brilliant in your recovery and have made all the right choices so far and I'm sure you'll continue to do the same.

Unfortunately a relapse has occurred this for me has not come as a surprise as the stress has been building and building and the problems in my life mainly the divorce I am not dealing with two well

From a financial point of view there is no damage done at all but from n mental point of view the damage is much more severe , giving in to the temptation I av preached about for the last 8 months is hard to take really using the words I should no better

Some positives are whilst relapsing there was on loss of control no erratic behaviour the only feeling was guilt letting myself down on my 8 and half month achievement , I knew the reason why I did it which was the divorce but mainly the 270 pound I had to pay the ex in a way that was my money and I wanted it back sounds all way too familiar of the old me

The negative for me is I wanted to gamble I wanted that pain to go away I wanted to remove what was in my head and replace it with the football match , matches I had gambled on

So from today it's back on track , the important thing for me to do was to be honest mainly to myself the thought to hide this had entered my mind but the only person I would be fooling is myself , there are obvious concerns with what has happened but that's down to me to make the right choices from now on

In a couple of weeks time it will be a year since I made the decision to try and stop gambling and admitted that I was a compulsive gambler , so I am trying to look at the big picture two relapses in a year the 1st one was huge and had massive financial implications the 2nd one no financial implications but more mentally this time

The purpose for me now is to strive forward get through my divorce and stay gamble free

The thing I am still proud of today is even though relapsing I still managed to follow some of the great advice that is on this site which helped me to stay controlled , I know what gambling will do to me it will destroy my life if I give it the chance to

That chance has now come and gone and I will be a stronger person for it

Morning Castle,

Well Done for getting back on here straight away

I know how you are feeling , i really do as we keep saying our lives are similar in alot of ways, i knew you were feeling not like your normal self but didnt know what to say and i'm sorry i was not more supportive.

Your positive way of seeing this is great to see, i too am proud that although i slipped i got back on the straight and narrow soon after and am feeling good even in still trying circumstances.

It's crazy how we still think we can get the money back but hey i guess thats something as a cg we have to get used too and continue to know that it just will never happen and that escaping is never going to solve our problems.

Here for you and i sending a virtual hug to you as i've lost those pounds i put on lol lol so hope it makes you feel a little better 🙂

Lucy