Recovery and hope last bet 22/10/06

Hi folks,

Finally got the go ahead for new GA meeting in Newmarket, I've been to Cambridge tonight to get some advice and help starting it up. Its time for me to give back a little for my recovery. Thanks to a recovery program I have a full and happy life, I am not free of all troubles and burdens of life but I accept what comes my way as best I can without looking for a gambling fix. Yours in Unity.

Paddy

Its been a difficult few months on the marital side, having had a look back over my diary I have been able to see where I thought we were making progress but alas we have arrived to a place where I would rather be on my own than continue emotionally separated from my wife. I have told her I am prepared to leave if we can't sort the problems out. I have booked an appointment with Relate this coming Saturday. I no longer wish to row about the past, I thought we had dealt with it, I know healing takes time and patience and love, but I also realise that we need outside help.This is not the post I expected to write nearly 2 years down the line but no thoughts of gambling and continue to believe life will continue to get better. Started new GA meeting in Newmarket last Monday and there was 4 of us. Good to have fellowship.

Paddy xx

hi paddy been reading through your diary and u have done so well over the last 2 years i just hope the relate meeting goes well for u both after everything u have been through ill be thinking of u take care paddy and good luck ill hear how u get on next week.

gedneilxxx

Today my wife and I went to Relate, I believe it did her a lot of good. I know she lived alone emotionally for a long time and she had the chance to tell someone else about it. It gave her a chance to talk about her anger,pain of living with a compulsive gambler. I acknowledged this before when I made my amends last year and we have been stuck since then. I can no longer live in the past waiting for things to get better, they won't until we are both in recovery. This may seem selfish and it is as I need to move on with or without my wife. We are going to split our assets-my idea, so she can have her independance, without asking me for money. I have no desire to gamble, having been set free when doing and continuing to do the steps of recovery, helping others and attending GA meetings. I want what is best for both of us and I have handed over to my HP. Abstinence has never been a problem for me, having had 10 year free of gambling. I discovered while on the 12 step programme that I had loads of other issues. Some of which I have shared in this diary. I am not a prolific writer and do not offer opinions but share my experience strength and hope hoping that someday someone will receive some benefit from these notes. I am 3 days short of 2 years without a bet, but today I am happy, joyous and free. Thats the difference for me. May your God go with you.

I can hardly believe it has been 2 years since my last bet. My life has changed so much.I am grateful to so many people who helped me along the way. I have looked back over my diary and have seen highs and lows and have taken them all in my stride,thanks to a way of living that I have learned in the fellowships I attend.I have looked at myself and shared it with another person and now I endeavour to do the same. I am thankful to have a happy and productive life and by continuing to practice the steps I will be able to keep this illness arrested.As always the first step is the vital one, I was powerless over gamblng,people,situations,etc and the unmanageability was how badly I was coping with those situations, depression,irritability and restlessness, in other words blaming others for my situation. Today I cannot save anyone but at least I can share my experience with them. If you have read this I hope it will be of help.

Paddy , congrats on reaching 2 years. living proof that GA works. Reading through your recent posts i can recognise your strength and clearness of thought and positiveness in your life.

Good luck with your new GA meeting. Hopefully i will come along one night and say hi.

Very best wishes

Keith

Hello Paddy,

Thanks for reading and responding to my diary. I have just finished reading yours and relate to so many things you have experienced and spoke about. I don't know you but feel very proud of what you have achieved and they way you are sharing this to help other people. However I feel very sad that your relationship has suffered with your wife and I hope something can be done to save this. I am in a similar situation with my wife she has explained the lonliness she experienced when I was gambling and don't want gambling to destroy my marriage because I love her very much.

Reading your story has proved that this can be beaten you are an inspiration I hope I can follow your path

Anyway all the best for future

JockBoy

Hi folks, another xmas gone and a New Year approaching, today, things are great. My wife and I went into counselling for a few months and we are now back on track. The journey has not been smooth and things have happened I did not think would good and bad. I feel so grateful to be free of this illness a day at a time, I hardly have time to do all those things I dreamed about doing. The feeling of uselessness is also gone. Today I have a life beyond my expectations. Wish everyone a safe and happy New Year.

Hi Paddy

Means alot to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm gettting there one day at a time and enjoying what I see.

Best wishes

Steve E

Hi Paddy

What a wonderful way to end the year 2008. I smiled at your post. You and your wife have come a long way, be proud of yourselves, I am(proud of you and me :))

I wish you and yours well in 2009 and keep working at yourself(no complacency for us my friend)

God Bless

Charly 🙂

Hi Paddy,

Just browsing through (again) :).

All the best.

"Go raibh maith agat" (ty).

Dee

today is a gratitude day. I am lying on the bed thinking of my previous life and grateful to be free of all that pain. I am learning through the 12 steps how to live my life a day at a time. I remember how mysterious it all was before getting into the programme. I was standing at a turning point, no hope, just despair.I was so emotionally numb I couldn't see anyone's else's pain either and to be truthful I didn't care. How different it all is today. A transformation has happened, I no longer have the desire to gamble, if the thought enters my head I don't entertain it. Recovery has been possible not because I wanted it but because I was beaten and in that submission I found GA and the 12 step programme, a manual for life.I believe in the recovery programme because it worked for me, thats why the meeting at Newmarket was set up to carry the message of hope to those who have had enough pain and suffering, where people know how I feel and find can acceptance of their condition without judgement. All my life I was being told "if you do this "or that or "cant you just stop for the sake of" when the truth was I didn't have a choice, today I have. Have a great day.

Hi Paddy

What a wonderful post. It made me smile and will help me through the day. Thank you. I'm grateful you are here sharing your story.

Have a good day.

God Bless

Charly 🙂

And what a transformation Paddy. You're an inspiration. Might be on later, I don't think I'm ready for that break just quite yet 🙂

All the best

Dee

I've not posted in a while, recovery is going well, relationship is back on track and life is good. GA meeting at Newmarket is steady and I've made some good friends, here and online. Life free of gambling and with little or no effort now. I am one of the fortunate ones and I know that today. I also have days where I wish I was somewhere else or want to escape just for a while. When I was gambling I lived a life where I pleased myself and no-one else counted, I felt it was wrong but I was so obsessed with feeding my addiction I was prepared to pay the price. Today and for quite a few days I haven't thought of gambling, it seems unreal and I struggled so much in the early days to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't become perfect all of a sudden, I came to GA with a financial problem and discovered I had an emotional illness. That was the miracle for me. Peace to you all and if no-one has said I love you today, then let me be the first.