Thought id start a new diary with a new fresh approach to life.....
Now ive been on holiday for three days now....Im in the isle of white and its lovely.... the weather is great and ive topped up my tan already..... Today ive been to the hotel gym 5k in an hour on treadmil and ten mins rowing......ive not gambled, ive not smoked, ive not drunk..... ive eaten well.....I havent spent money in bars or restaurants ive cooked for myself....i measured my heart beat on the treadmill whilst fast walking and it was 103..... i looked at the scale for the 40 year olds and mine was almost the best it could be.....i'm slightly over weight but only slightly....
With all these plusses you'd think id be happy with how im doing but im continually trying to improve and not happy unless im spending less, doing more exercise, eating better, etc list goes on....
So i'm going to attempt to give myself a bit of credit in the future and not get hung up on being better just be happy with where im at!!!!!
Currently im gamble free 3.5 years, smoke free 7 years, alcohol free 5 years, with that amount of time between using im pretty sure i dont need to count anymore..... but i and my doctor are very happy with my health.
Im starting a new diary as im sat here on the isle of white.....in the same bedroom i was in the last time i drunk alcohol......back in august 2018..... i remember how i didnt sleep that holiday.....i had an episode and my skitsophrenia was in full flow ruining my holiday and scaring me.
That holiday was terrible for me but i remember that that weekend in august was the moment of CLARITY that id never had before.....i had six weeks off work in that moment.....the stress of work had taken over ....the stress of gambling had caused recent stresses...... it had taken its last punishment on me.....
I spent those 6 weeks amongst family and nature..... i didnt partake in any vices and it felt great..... I visited national trust places and went to the beach with family.... i started to count my gamble free days and realised that not partaking in any vices was the way to health...... not just physical health (but boy did that improve) but financial health (instantly i was great with my money),(us gamblers rarely spend money on ourselves)..... I then joined the gym and went with my mum most days..... walking rowing, health suite, jakuzzi, sauna, steam rooms, swimming.....All these things opened up to me...... i wasnt thinking about the financial ups and downs of gambling each week i was thinking about the ups that this new life was giving me.....
I kept a spreadsheet and monitored my financial spending and saving.....With this in mind once i paid all bills i transferred the rest to my dad...... I bought my flat.... this was a great move as all this money went towards saving up the equity i had in it...... i looked at this spreadsheet and thought of ways to save more..... the flat went up in value....i saved and paid off the mortgage in what 6 years that brings me up to 2022.... in january of 2022 id paid off the mortgage and just owed my folks some money not any to the banks..... now it sounds like im bragging but in reality im just trying to show how this new focus on no vices has transformed my life over the last 5 years.......
In may 2022 still working on my skitsophrenia i was finally able to push myself into my flat i owned (my own special place to call mine)......i wouldnt say i wasnt worried how id cope.... i still had voices over a lot of nights....and sometimes i had grand thoughts that arent real.... but i knew if i didnt cope i could move back with my folks.... id lived then again with my folks for 12 years and it was a major change to independance....
So i moved in and i found i actually coped very very well......i enjoyed being the host to friends again....i enjoyed making savings on food.....i enjoyed furnishing the flat and making it my own.....
So one year of indepedence later im sat here in the same room which started me on this journey.... this journey of i say it again CLARITY.....because it is no vices brings you permenent clear thoughts....u still get moments where the devill on ur shoulders tempts u but on the whole its clear positive decisions....
So this is my new diary and im taking a moment on this holiday to appreciate these positive life changing decisions ive made from a point where my life was not terrible but health and financially wise i was in a tough place about to lose my job, my sanity, my lungs, to the point im at now....
HAPPY, REFRESHED, SATISFIED and GRATEFUL.....
To all my gamcare warriors, to all the gamcare mods who help each day....to everyone i know on here and everyone im yet to meet THANK YOU
If ur at a loose end and ur at the end of youre tether and youve found this post..... in 5 years time you yourself with the help of gamcare could find yourself writing a thank you on here a better more fullfilled you....
All the best adam xx
Well written and absolutely how i see you Adam, a doer. You see whats needed and do whats needed, many just think about it.
Full circle from you dark days to now much happier days is a fantastic journey to read.
Being obsessed with saving isn't a bad trait to have is it? You do in your life what ever you believe is best, if you think you need to save you do it, if you think its time to ease back and treat and reward yourself do that to.
Through hard work and determination you've earned the right to be confident in doing whatever you want, and you should be proud of who you are.
Helping people and pointing them in the right direction is a great gift to give, praise yourself for the encouragement and help that you always offer others.
Having clarity of mind allows the good decisions to flow, and good decisions make for a good life.
Have a great rest of your holiday.
Hi Lids..... thanks for popping by and boosting my confidence....didnt think of it like that.....saving hard and restricting buying certain pleasures is what has brought me to this point....like you say its a great trait to have and reading my post back makes me want to continue in the same vain.....
If i keep going the way i have past six months in flat i can save 500 a month....6k a year.... 43, 37, 31, 25, 19,13, 7, 1, so in 7 years debt free.... thats the way to go....
Also thatll make me 49 and give me one full year to save for my sebatical im going to take on my 50.... Asummer off work watching the worldcup..... ill have to look up the dates actually to see if it coicides
Hello Adam123
Can i just say an absolutely great read. I am so happy for you. From my view at the lily pad by the pond I view your great successes.
Such an inspiration to me and others on this forum you should be so proud of yourself.
You have negatives in your life and turned them to positives!
Brilliant just Brilliant
Best wishes
Toad
here i am two weeks later...... back at work......trying to stay healthy.....topping up my tan each day.......cant help but feel bad tho.....i allways feel im spending too much money...... ive planned to spend fifty on food this month...... and nothing else........which would mean id save 700 pounds......i cant help but wonder why im like this......its like gambling for soo long has warped my mind into thinking of life and living in terms of plusses and minusses each month.....i cant stop it......i really can't......its not healthy......
I dont want to spend a lot and its good to save but its quite frankly all i think about......i even looked at my finances when away on holiday.......im financially deluded.....warped......
My ocd is taking over my finances...... i need to stop.....but its put me in a great financial position i guess?
refreshed? recharged? happy? grateful ? working hard? saving? enjoying life? not gambling? not drinking? not smoking? not partaking in vices? ALL !YES! horray
Really loving summer...... i love vitamin d......i love getting a tan....... i love long light days....... long may this weather continue.
Really been making an effort at work and its really showing benefits.....i enjoy working hard and the site surroundings, building, and work have all improved immensely......i hope patients and staff feel the benefits.
Not had a review in a long long time but i don't reallyneed one just need to hear a well done every now and then......a pat on the back goes a long way.
Going to the beach Saturday.......then will watch champs final with a friend......3 weeks with no holiday then a long weekend start of july.... then 2 weeks off in August..........
All the best adam xx
Well i started off last night typing in dvd titles into see whether i could sell some duplicate dvds, then i thought about selling my n64, then i thought i could exchange and pay more for a new console...... then i thought its better to buy new.....so i looked up new xbox prices and found a good deal at argos.....I can either pay 230 for series s or 449.99 for a series x.......now the series x is better for graphics and processing and has a blue ray dvd and can play old cd xbox games too........i phoned mum this morning after no sleep from being excited about it and then phoned her after work and she was pretty upbeat about it so i thought great and reserved it horray........really good to be in the position of being able to treat myself to it.....
All the best Adam xx
Aww adam, how lovely, you work hard and are doing amazing in recovery, you deserve to treat yourself, enjoy ?
adam, it's great to see how powerful your focus can be - when you focus on something positive, you achieve loads!
I am drawn to measuring things, too. I think I'm trying to gain more control.
I wonder if you have any tools or techniques for bringing your excitement down, if you can't sleep? I sometimes feel overstimulated. Something called "brown noise" helps my brain to calm down. It is a very soothing sound. There's loads to listen to for free, on YouTube.
I love feeling excited but sleep is really important, too.
xxxx
hi freda and stace.....xxxx...... yes tbf with the excitement of the past 5 days ive only slept well once and that was due to being completely shattered from the previous two nights before...... last night also only got to sleep at 4am then up for work 830am so not good for me....but had a nap earlier so ill be fine.....
I do really get excited by things......and ive got ocd so things play on my mind untill theyre sorted....
Do you leave the you tube playing all night when u sleep? sounds ike a good idea....
Got my xbox.....
Thought about new tv but think going to wait a bit maybe black friday?
Working on kitchen now
looking at new vynall floor, new blinds, new cooker, new extractor fan hood, paint etc
So tonight ordered some vynall samples
looked at cookers and picked one....
Should be able to do whole kitchen (keeping cupboards, fridge, washing machine etc ) hopefully for under 1k
Been on a bit of a spending frenzy caught up with excitement of xbox.....
still on a plus for this month tho thanks to only spending 30 pounds on food soo far lol.....(lots in freezer and less coffee)....
Been trying to buy less coffee as the caffiene was playing with my sleeping....
But this month i also spent 89 pounds on 20 months of xbox game pass ultimate (4.50 a month when its usually 10.99) so its all paid untill june 2026 now!!!
I also want to seel my old consoles.....ive got a n64 goldenye boxed.....but without the game or controller..... so ive bought a controller and game on ebay for 28 pounds so i can grpoup together with rest and hopefully sell for about 160.... Then ive got a playstation 2 with box and 30 games.....so gonna sell for hopefully 170 too.....so this is a plus of 330 pounds to go with the 165 i got for my saturn....so really all in all i will have not spent much on my recent gambling should i be able to get a good sale amount on ebay....
I also spent 10 pounds donating to a charity..... for a friend....
was hoping at start of june to save 700 but to save 100 and have new console is pretty good going....
Works going well......trying to not obsess about it.....like today something happened that id usually send an email about and jump to wrong reaction......i took a step back and thought no dont absess adam lets just turn laptop off and leave home on time.....and think about like lids says you dont get paid to worry in ur own time......
Also i got a 25 pound we care award again for my work in the bear costume.....so thats great.....
Been trying to eat from freezer this month to save money and i take food to work each day (soup, toast, fruit, no crisps, no chocolate)......soo far ive spent 20 in waitrose, 14 in sainsburys, 6.75 on a pizza and thats it ......have just bought essentials....
Was gonna get tv but ill wait till november try and get a bargin....
Healthwise been walking lots on weekends as well as at work.....just the sleep i need to work on.....ill check out brown noise
All the best adam xx
Went on chat tonight and there were two newbies starting out...... first time on chat..... so thought id offer some advice as usual......gave my tips and then was talking about how gamcare has changed my life i.e stopping using vices, health, buying flat, paying off mortgage etc.....all the things that can happen if they stop...
But im thinking it comes accross as really cocky of me? i am very proud of what ive achieved.... but if u come to the site at a low confidence wise and in debt etc......would these tough tips of how to deal with the situation and to see what you can achieve in six years ish depending on debt.... is this a good thing to hear so i continue? or is it too much to hear? Ive started as gamcare advised to breakdown my tips in chat to 4 steps and talk about each when i post? If gamcare could advise be helpful?
I just had the impression it comes accross as me being cocky and maybe too much for them to deal with?
If it is ill stop using chat for giving advise as i maybe too far a long the recovery road for my tips, advice and talking to help?
If u could advise mods and gamcare friends?
It's amazing what plays on my mind, i obsess about everything
All the best adamxxx
@adam123 Hello, I joined here on gamcare a week ago, and made a post and clicked on the groupchat.
A couple of well meaning replies to me suggested gamblock and giving financial control to a trusted person.
I know for sure its all good ideas, and said with best intentions.
However, just simply creating a profile on gamcare was a big step for me! Absolutely no way was I ready for some of these suggestions. It did feel over whelming a bit, almost to the point of off putting, but as I say I know it was meant with good intentions
Just my perspective, hopefully it doesn't come across as ungrateful in anyway.
hi pete will take on board and try and leave any tips untill asked by individual..........keep at it mate.
Another start to a working week.....wednesday tomo......roll on friday......roll on .
Feeling pretty content......i sometimes forget what a good position im in.....a position with health and security a great combo.......
ive decided on a vynall for the kitchen.....oven next and cooker hood......then blinds.....
Got my xbox not been playing that much but the graphics are great....
Boxed up my old n64 and ps2 to sell tomo hoping to get 80 quid for each....
Also selling my old tv......dont need a tv in bedroom its my room for zzzzzzz
Keeping busy at work.....just basic hours lately been no weekend overtime come up unfortunately...
Hello Adam
Please do not give yourself a hard time or overthink your good intentions of trying to help others. Helping others is a huge part of Recovery, however, it is about sharing your own experience, strength hoping in the hope that others will identify and not feel so alone with this problem. Remembering Adam 'what works for one, may not work for another'.
Keep sharing Adam firstly for your own Recovery and secondly for others to know that there is hope and a way forward which you are living proof of!
Easy Does It
Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
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