Regaining control after slip

OK, back to day one again. Was doing very well over the last week or so and 10 days without a bet. The reason I slipped yesterday (and wasn't a big financial loss), was that the blocks that got me through the previous days weren't in place and I had excess cash on me.

All in all, i've lost a small amount of money since in this slip and financially, it doesnt really make too much different to my position/debt.

I think I have my mind clear(ish) now and am ready to embark on another period of abstinence.

I stopped posting on here becase I feel it is a constant reminder of gambling, but it helped me get through 204 days not so long back so i'm hoping for another prolonged period. I cannot, hand on heart, say that I will never gamble againb. All I can say is I will try my damndest to go through today with no bet.

There are lots of people who helped me on here last time, and again I'm asking for your help and support to get me through the next week or two which are always the toughest.

In my case, once the bet seal is broken, its a B*****r to get back on!!

Take Care

Blues

Blues...your diary title says regaining control after a slip and your doing just that...it wasn't disastrous by any means but enough to make you sit up and take notice..that's what I call regaining control mate..this is a b*********d of an addiction despite gettin through the chelt aintree and ayr festivals I still had to tackle the urges head on the other day from broke lads saying just a tenner (,almost tempted by the way)...i think you are also right in saying that reading of others unfortunate struggles can have a negative effect sometimes...look after number 1 though mate..chin up,we can do this 😉

Blues,

Welcome back onboard. Was hoping you were OK and it seems you are.

Back to basics for a little while blues. Just don't bet today, that's all you can do and its no different to how you were when you passed 200 days. It goes to show that its all about staying away from the 1st bet. A couple of slips recently can be stopped by taking action now. You don't need to visit another low before having fire in your belly, do you?

I'm with you blues. Always liked your positivity and approach to things. If there was a big wet fish about i'd give you a slap of it. (monty python sketch) Get back up and keep posting. I'll keep reading and replying.

Brian

Thanks for the replies, means a lot to me, as always.

I like the Monty Python reference, really wasn't a big fan when I was younger, but as the years have progressed, that bunch were a hell of a talent!

Back to basics is how it must be for me. I'm more annoyed than anything that I have ended up (mentally) very near to the same place as I was on August 19th Last year.

I KNOW I will never beat the bookies, I BELIEVE I will never beat the bookies. I KNOW a land of riches does not exist behind that frosted glass. I KNOW I will lose my family if I continue...So WHY?

Thats the hard bit for me, to understand why? Why go back to something that keeps smacking you in the face and ruining a perfectly good life...Mind boggling to say the least.

On a plus note, the sun is splitting the clouds today and my renewed vigour will see me get in my car and pedal to the metal until I arrive in the sanctuary of my own home. Once there, I will not leave the house and thats day 1 complete - see its EASY (wish it was!!)

I'm gonna be posting/rambling a hell of a lot over the next few weeks so forgive me if I repeat myself or generally, don't make sense!!

Take Care

Blues

Hi Blues... am sure you will get back on track with a bit of determination and fighting spirit. I find it helps to stick around cos it helps me to be reminded of the consequences of gambling rather than the act of gambling. My memories of the consequences soon fade. I also just like writing my thoughts. Better out than in. Thanks for your support Blues.. onwards and upwards a day at a time only.. its the way it has to be.. S.A 🙂

Well onto day 2 and tough, tough evening yesterday, mind telling me to make up for previous nights losses etc, made harder by evening racing / opening hours for bookies.

Got through it though - straight home, resisiting the almost magnetic pull on my car to stop at a bookies - GREAT!

The weird thing is, it is always around this time each year that I hit gambling heavy - two years ago lowest point ever nearly facing the sack to feed my habit. Last year, small bets around this time leading to 19th August where I nearly lost my family. Surely this year I have learned my lesson? What a b**ch of an addiction this is. ONE DAY AT A TIME AND WE WILL ALL BE FINE

Determination levels rising, watch out gambling, I'M BACK!

Take Care

Blues

Hi Blues... the urge to chase losses lessens with time. I know its hard. I been there so many times. Stay determined.. S.A

determination levels rising watch out gambling im back. . And not a peep since blues. Its been a while since you ve been on mate..i know i Don t post often these days but still like to look out for old friends. . Hope your well my friend we Cant let this b*********d of an addiction win. We can do this and you know we can 😉

Ok, here it is folks. Today is day one, and the gambling has got me beat ....AGAIN. Really and truly, how many times must I sit here, thinking how to cover my tracks. The last few month have been ticking by up, down, up, down, fully aware in the knowledge that I wont be happy until its all gone and i'm left with nothing.

I'm an extra 1000 in debt now (more importantly, that my wife isnt aware of!)because my STUPID head cant accept the fact that the bookies never loose and the only time I won was when I went 7 months without a bet.

I cant tell her, definately the end if I do. Things are rocky at the best of times but this would be the icing on the cake. Got to the stage where i was deep in s**t but yesterday, was still determined to stand in the dingy dark room fll of strangers chcking note after note over the counter.

A different thing also happened. There was a bloke in there who was obviously having a blinding day - I really felt like taking him outside and giving him one hell of a beating - w*f? I'm a generally placid guy and here I am, this mans voice going through my head every time he tells someone how much he's up. I may as well have just handed him the money. To be honest it scared the s**t out of me, but the resntment I felt was pretty frightening. Then I got home with that usual stomach wrenching feeling and realise how deep in the mire I am at the minute.

Hello to all my old friends on the forum, I hope you are making great inroads in your recovery. I also hope the new member are reaping the rewards by staying gamble free.

DAY 1............AGAIN

Hi Blues,

You'll be OK when you are ready to be OK. I have gone back so many times over the years I have lost count. There's nothing we can really say about it is there? We obviously gamble because we want to. I know you want to know why and I ask myself the same question over and over again. Its not about winning I am fairly convinced of that.

My suggestion is to read back your last post several times and pick out the bits that are important to you. It doesn't matter that you are here again, so am I and so are more than half the people on this site, if not all of us. Are you ready to stop now or do you still want a bit more? You need to get it out of your system fully and reach some kind of rock bottom because in this place you'll start questioning what you really want for your future.

That stomach wrenching feeling you talk of is what I hate the most when I have gone back to gambling. Its awful and I hate going through it for at least the first 2 days, then it seems to get a little easier. That's the body physically letting us know it just can't take the pain.

Don't punish yourself anymore.

Best wishes,

Simon.

Hi Blues... like Simon says weve all been there. Its the merry go round of compulsive gambling. At times I thought i'd finally stepped off the cycle of problem gambling only to then return to the wilderness once more.

Sounds like youve drawn your line in the sand. You know what you need to do to stop.. its just a question of doing it. If its a small crumb of comfort youve kinda helped me today. The gambling monster within is starting to wake and your recent experinces have helped me to put him back to sleep.

By the way i am a placid guy to but when in a gambling environment I get very angry inside. Like you say its scary. keep safe.. keep reading and wriitng. Regards... S.A

Blues,

First and foremost, it’s good to hear from you.

Secondly, you need to halt this swiftly or you will plumb new depths, it is going textbook right now. i.e. a casual bet after 204 days, defences lowered and the barrier to the 1st bet are breached, after that it is easier to bet. That was 3 months ago and things are progressively worse. The remorse is setting in and the moods have returned. What’s the next step Blues ? Only you can answer that… whether to find a new low, lower than August 19th or whether to get back to the hard graft.

There is no easy or lazy path. The recovery path is much much easier than the other one though because you will have to travel it eventually. Best to do it now rather than with domestic troubles alongside, or the bailiffs calling at the door.

Back to basics. Take one day at a time and don’t try to solve all your lifes worries in one day. I know things are tough at home and have been very dodgy in the past... you do not have to own up yet. Ideally yes but its up to you, for support purposes and because deceit has been an issue in the past. Read Russ' diary recently for an update on the whole deceit thing and how fragile trust can be for recovering gamblers.

P.s. You know the drill Blues. It’s tough going. I still find it tough and at times find it difficult to see the wolf in sheeps clothing. I find that also about awareness with me… i.e. being aware of the urge or being aware of my recent past and recent pain. When I know what options I’m deciding between, it becomes a no-brainer !

Willing you on my friend. Your diary is very honest and insightful. I hope you realise that you are a compulsive gambler not a casual gambler and decide to take absolute action before things get dire. Coming here is a start, but that didn't work a month ago.

Brian

Thanks for the quick and meaningful replies, just what I need right now. Simon you are right - the amount of times we slip back into the lying, selfish behaviour is absolutely mind numbing and that is my biggest fear - what happens after another (if i'm lucky!) 7 months without a bet - in april next year i'm back on here bleating about how i'm going to overcome the urges - I now realise why my wife says "they are just words" its so true. If the show was on the other foot and she had let me down as many times as I have - not a chance would I believe a word!

S.A., thanks for the continued support and I am sincerely glad that my post managed to kill your demonic thoughts for today - a little ray of sunshine in a big black hole for me. You have been an inspiration to me over the years on here becase you slip, but you always get back up, dust yourself off - If I can make 84 days like your recent effort - life will be so much rosier let me tell you.

Brian, again thanks for the constant support and honest post. You are right - not happy until new lows have been hit - what the hell is wrong with CG's - when everything is ticking along nicely are we satisfied? NO of course not - must make life difficult again - logically, it makes no sense at all.

I had a read of some diaries this morning and read Russ' diary - something so trivial normally yet the trust we have smashed make any fabricated truth 000 of times worse. I've been in that situation, you know - going to get the paper (when I am clean of gambling) and genuinely bump into and old friend and chat for 15 to 20 minutes - you can see my wife WANTS to believe me but there is a battle inside her telling her I popped into the bookies - understandable because thats what I have been doing for the last 3 months or so!

Thanks again

Take Care

Blues

blues...look back to august last year and fast forward to today...yes you feel a little down but how much progress have you made...a few slips over that period (yes) but not the constant battle of everyday punting looking for that life changing win..chin up mate,we can do this 😉

Blues,

How are you doing ?

Brian