Regaining control after slip

Really well done blues i really hope you do this last week you couldnt see away of getting the 1k to save your house and mariage, so in some ways your really lucky to have got of jail. I really hope you can take it 1 day at a time and do this S.A is right you have to dig deep. You said on my diary 2 weeks ago roughly u wernt goin 2 let the gambling beat you im up to 36days now and its went in quick enough so try not 2 worry bout 2mara or the next 4 months at the moment try and make things as simple as possible. And you know as well as me you cant gamble your way out of trouble.

Thanks for the support Ronnie, I know I need to do this and believe me I am digging deeper than ever to fight the urges. The last time I was clean for a period of time was much easier so my logic is if I go back gambling, trying to give up will become progressively harder. I have four massive short term debts I need to cover up so that the trust isnt completely blown again and today I have managed to cover the first one by the skin of my teeth without arousing suspicion. The next one has a deadline of next friday and I bloody hate all this deceit - Is it worth it - not a chance, Gambling can go and take a running jump I think

Take Care

Blues

Well folks, firstly very pleased to say that I havent had a bet since my last post, but its not through lack of urges - they are so strong but I am currently able to sort of fend them off, or just pull my hair out!

Am hoping that my conversations this morning with a few creditors will buy me a little time to get back on track,

Hope you all have a gamble free day -

Take Care

Blues

Today is day 8 - how did I forget to post my counter!

Keep at it blues really hope things work out 4 you i can sense how hard your getting it but think its great your getting stuck in. We have to start somewhere and why not now god knows weve wasted enough time already.

Ronnie, thanksfor the message mate, day 9 today and i'm fighting as hard as i can, I know if the blocks are in place, there can be no mistakes and this is what I need to do - go out with just enough cash is the big thing for me, starve the source of the addiction and the rest will follow. I self excluded from all gambling websites about three years ago (indefinately) so it works when the source of the issue is addressed. I know I will not place another online bet-I just wish bookies had some sort of scanner on the door!

Keep fighting mate.

I promise the rewards are worth it, nine months into recovery I still only take a £10 to work , no cards

Like you said starve the sorce.

Stay strong,

Dusty

Hi blues,

I'm sorry to hear you're not doing too well at the moment...well do we gamblers know how to scrape around for money when necessary.

This is probably one of the toughest times for us too, as a bank holiday weekend is fraught with temptation.

As you've mentioned, taking gambling out of the equation means it isn't a problem...if you don't have the money for it then it can't sting you. Keep fighting pal, its definitely worth it.

All the best

Ryan

Well, here we are again, and this time deeper than I have ever been in my life. I really cannot get any lower.

My car needed fixing and we took money out to fix it from my daughters acount as we didnt have the money and fully intend to pay it back. I had the money on my pocket on Saturday and gambled the lot, without getting my car fixed.

My marriage is now over, people who didnt know about my problem, now do and my life really is not worth the birth certificate I was given. I am in work today and it is so so hard to keep it together, but life really has hit rock bottom. I will be going back to GA, but that is not going to help my marriage. I cant afford to move out and we have agreed that we will live seperate lives until debts are paid.

I just need to tell people that you WILL end up like this if you dont make the necessary changes TODAY, not tomorrow but NOW, TODAY.

I have an illness, but in reality, I AM s**m and if it wasnt for my kids and the fact I need to financially and emotionally raise them, I would not be here let me tell you,

Blues

Blues,

You are not s**m. Loose that thought.

You are ill and you need help.

Please do everything you can to get that help. Be it phone up a councillor here, speak to your doctor .

I know that it seems impossible, but you can start to turn turn it all around, I just do not think you can do it on your own.

You are in my thoughts, I wish I could find the words to ease your pain.

But for now all I can say, please do not give up hope that there is a better life out there for you.

Dusty

Blues,

Gambling destroys lives... it is a pucking fig of an addiction. I am really sorry to read that last post from you.

GA (again) is a really good idea. You will get lots of support there and as with everything... you get out of it what you put in. Get as many meetings as you can.

You can't solve all of the family and financial issues today or tomorrow. Be humble, listen and take the many kicks in the balls which you will no doubt receive over the next few weeks.

I wish I could help and I think GA will really help you too. Let me know if you wish to exchange email addresses and telephone numbers.

Your last post is a real wake up call for anyone who reads this forum. Thank you for being so honest.

Brian

Thanks for your support - gambling really does destroy lives. It destroyed mine completely, its destroyed the woman I have loved for over 15 years, it has, not to their knowledge, robbed my children of a happy household, living with a father whose mood swings are so severe (I never raised a finger to anyone, but would quite often disappear into my shell or come bouncing through the door) It has destroyed my relationship with my wifes family and that will never be repaired. It has caused my own parents shame, embarresment and endlkess worry. Now, If this was the first time and I was 16 years old, maybe I could say I will mature one day, but FFS, 36 years of age, great job, loving family, nice house, but it still isnt enough - WHY WHY WHY?

Blues

Hi Blues

My name is Michael and your story resonates with me quite abit. I once stayed off this rotten disease for two years plus, but I am now on the first steps of my recovery. I don't know how I am going to do this or how I am going to get there. I have been constantly failing in recovery over the last five years. Even today I am debating if I want to stick with this or return to gambling. I have read your diary and can see so much of myself. Things are not going to get better today but the are not going to get any worse. Take it one day at a time and build the right foundations. I should listen to my own advice but thanks for keeping me on the right path today.

Michael

Really sorry 2 hear of ur slip mate. As u have said 2 me b4 blues dig deep and take this a day at a time i knnw u r in a dark place and wish ther woz sumting i cud say r do to help u i reali do

The pain is just too much and the sleepless nights are adding up - I feel like i'm in a trance. I am sat in work staring at this screen with very little information going in - I'm am swinging between anger and self pity, shame and pure hurt.

Gambling addiction, you are one evil b'stard to make people feel this way and destroy thousands of innocent lives in the process,

IFKINHATEYOU

Blues