Regaining control after slip

Thanks for your valuable advice folks, I appreciate them more than you will probably ever realise at this stage.

I have had some fleeting thoughts about gambling today, certainly not urges. They have subsided now as I know that I need to show a willpower that I have never shown in life. I'm sick of wilting under any pressure and am going to stand up and be counted like a man. I'm 36 years of age and have to make the right choices, already i've screwed up my chance at life beyond belief but can only look to make amends as the years pass by.

I don't want to be on my deathbed thinking of all the lost hours / days / years spent standing in a room full of strangers handing over money that is not mine or lying awake at night stomach churning around and around - that is an EXISTENCE not a life.

Take Care

Blues

Last bet 556pm Saturday 21st April 2012

Hi Blues.. I am 40 and very much a work in progress. If you keep away from the gambling you are sure to be in a better place when you reach my age if not long before. But like we all say.. its only today that counts.. thats all we have. Keep making the right choice as i do the same. All the best matey.. S.A 🙂

Hi blues hope ur ok mate

Hi Folks

Didnt get to log on at the weekend as I was busy NOT gambling. I didnt go near a computer.

The weekend was spent sitting in the house, meaning that if an urge came on me, I couldnt act. The weather wasn't too good so this was easy. I didnt get an urge as such, but Saturday afternoon was hard at times to divert my mind away from football etc. I actually went for a walk on Saturday evening and got some sort of sadistic satisfaction that a week earlier I was in complete turmoil and felt quite calm. Yesterday was spent watching movies and eating junk which is just fine with me.

I need to get back to the basics, which I feel I am doing and then need to start trying to rebuild relationships (again) with those I love. I know I am not a bad person and deep dpwn this is a terrible illness that we must battle daily to beat. Each day that passes gamble free, I will lie in my bed and give myself a huge pat on the back instead of constantly putting myself through mental torture about what I have done.

What I did was the lowest of the low and I never want the feelings I had last weekend. I am still, although not as bad, beating myself up that I gambled with my marriage and lost, but I also realise that what is done, is done. I cannot change the past only influence the future and I need to concentrate on what I have, not what I dont have.

Take Care and hope everyone had a gamble free weekend, if not, dust yourself off and have a gamble free day today

Blues

Blues,

Many thanks for your post on my diary-How true!

Sometimes i feel guilty about my recovery, can't believe how much gambling messes with your head.

I'm thinking more clearly 8 weeks down the line but know a slip maybe just around the corner.

Hope you are feeling stronger today.

Best wishes,

gazza

Hi Folks

God this is d**n hard - harder than it has ever been in all my years attempting to kick this evil filthy habit.

First things first, I have starved the source and carried no money with me for the last two days. I think that if I had access to cash, I would have struggled to not gamble yesterday. These are the blocks that I have to have in place to help me suceed.

Today again, I have no cash - this suits me as the temptation can be there all it wants, but I cannot act.

Take Care

Blues

Last bet 556pm Saturday 21st April 2012

hi blues,

if that makes you more comfortable i can tell you that i dont carry cash with me anymore.i probably have 3-4 euros in my pocket.and i guess i wont carry cash again for the rest of my life.my mother took my wages.

if we keep these rules-no money acess, self exclusion, counting days-dont think we gonna have problems.

stay strong!

No bet yesterday, things are still very tough at the minute but they are getting a little clearer by the day. Still not sleeping for anymore than 2 hours at a time but need to just focus on NOT gambling

Take care

Blues

Last bet 556pm Saturday 21st April

Wow, today is one of the worse days so far, the urges are that strong. The saving grace is that I am not in work today but at home and once I stay in the house, I cannot act on these urges.

They really are so strong today and actually make previous attempts to give up look relatively easy (although they weren't at the time!). I know in my heart that for both financial and mental reasons, I cannot place any type of bet but the urge is still there dominating my every thought.

Just needed to get this down in my diary in the hope it will make me feel a little better

Take Care

Blues

Hi,

Thank you for your kind words. I will be checking regularly today. As I lie in my bed watching Dexter on my iPad. So if you want to post more to get through it I will reply. You are not alone.

I would suggest you try to do something anything to keep yourself busy in doors.

Kill a few boggy men on the Xbox or something. ( not that I have one so I do not really know what I am talking about, no change there then Dusty the crowd roared .)

Stay strong my lovey, one somewhat over weight fairy will be willing you to get through the day from afar.

Dusty xxxxxx

hi blues,

7 years i was hiding from anyone, familly, girlfriends, friends.7 years i was hiding FROM MY SELF.the more you dont speak about your problem, the MORE you get deep in debt from gambling.

on GA Meetings as here in the forum, there are men 50-60 years old who have sold their houses from gambling BUT NOW THEY ARE HAPPY because they decided to do smth about their problem.they just admitted they had a problem, as you did as i did.without the help of gamcare, ga meetings, my familly i would probably be in a miserable casino waiting to loose my money.MY ADVICE IS TELL YOUR PROBLEM.7 YEARS I WAS AFRAID TO TELL TO MY MOTHER THAT I M A GAMBLER.WHEN I TOLD HER LAST THURSDAY I HAVE REGRETED I DIDNT TELL HER EARLIER.

my friend i believe that there is a hope for every gambler as long as he admits he has the illness.its like a cancer.if someone doesnt accept he has a cancer then he wont take a medication.our medication is not a pill, it is the forum, helping eachother, GA meetings, counting days, handing our money to relatives.

take care blues i know you can do it

mike

25D BET FREE

Thanks for the support Dusty and Mike, really just what I needed. They were some strange feelings - stronger than I have ever felt but I have managed to fight the worse of them off. Jesus would have been so so easy to give in but no I cant (and besides I dont have a spare cent!)

Thanks again so so much folks, really needed the help and will keep posting - i'm not new to this but by god its hard

Take Care

Blues

Yo,

Well done !!

And you are more than welcome, no doubt there will be days when any one of us will need a helping hand .

And you will be there to help keep us on the right path.

Take care ,

Dusty xxxxxxx

Well Done Blues!

You've done so well today fighting them horrible demons!

Glad to see they are starting to ease a bit

Keep Strong

Lucy

Blues reali well done today i can sense how hard ur getting it but ur getn stuck in like u told me to do 6 or 7 weeks which i greatly appreciated!

We both gambled people we loves money which we both know we wud never do in a million years only 4 this dirty disgusting disease.

Blues we both know this disease can and will kill us but it will torture us first. I woz tortured 10 weeks ago 2 scard 2 live 2 scared 2 die and u wer ther 10 days ago.

Let it b ur turning point mate.

The best way 2 prove wer sori is in our actions blues uv done 200 days in the past and u can do it i knw u can and so do u get stuck in and that will be the best buzz u evr get trust me.