Regaining control after slip

HI Blues,

My heart goes out to you, you must feel like all is lost at the moment and that you are being battered from all angles.

Your not alone my friend, I have seen in G.A meetings this addiction bring people to there knees, but I have also seen them slowly get back up and start to build there life again.

It can be done blues it really can but im sure thats the last thing you beleive right now.

You ask for help my friend and your right you need it, but you have to also accept it and really want it .

Why not ring the gamcare helpline today and speak to someone ?

Get yourself to a meeting tonight , and go back to basics blues, but you have to stop the madness, Stop gambling now..... Today!!!.

Give your head some space, how are you expected to think clearly when your still in the madness that gambling creates.

Go easy on yourself blues, if this is rock bottom the only way from here is up you have to beleive that.

Take care

Blondie x

Just need to post, it helped me a lot the last time I managed my gamble free period. Just looked up google maps for tonights GA meeting and the first place I spot on Streetview is a d**n bookies! Would a non CG have spotted it, I dont think so, i'm sure there were barbers, pubs etc on the screen but I was drawn to the picture of the bookies - I really have to do it this time as I have let down so many people and more importantly myself. Its not just lip service this time, I have no choice, I must do it. I have terrible terrible urges right now, but no cash so I cannot light the fire. I read on a previous post about TIME-LOCATION-MONEY needed to fuel gambling, I will have two of them tonight but not the most important thing, money...Thank God

Hope you are all continuing the fight, and I really hope that my immense urge today is balanced by someone else who is having a slightly easier time

Take Care

Blues

Hi Blues

I feel for you mate but all i can say is dust yourself down and get blocks in place, it took me two years (including lying to myself and you guys on here) till i got them all in place. I had a terrible (my worst ever) relapse over a week ago. Mate i hopei can be of some help to you in this difficult time, just shout.

doggy

Hello Blues... Must admit I have no idea how it must feel to be in your shoes just now... but as someone who has followed your story since you joined I just wanted to add my support and say that there is always hope and a way forward, however desparate ones situation may feel. Day at a time my friend, day at a time... S.A

Thanks for the messages friends, it really helps me to know there are people out there who, despite their own battles and problems, take time out to give others encouragement and advice. I have seen the true colours of so many people in the last three months, washing their hands of me, not that I can blame them, because I have let them and myself down time and time again.

Do you know what is ironic, the people who have stood by me, and I dont mean financially, but emotionally, are people who I least expected and I have thrown it all back in their face. My wife, even though I am now out of the family home, has been and continues, on the outside anyway, to be a rock - an unbelievable woman with an unbelievable spirit. I dont know whether she reads this site (wouldnt think so, so i'm not putting it there for show, thats how I feel.

Anyway, third attempt attending GA last night and the message was loud and clear - get in as many meetings as you can, its the ONLY way to do this. Keep reading the red book until you know it off by heart, be humble, take advice (something that really doesnt come naturally to most CG's) CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR. The last few times I went, I knew better, one meeting a week was good enough for me, 5 or 6 weeks of that and hey presto this TERMINAL illness is cured. I don't believe it now - there were people ther who have been going for over 20 years and still NEED it because the carnage caused by even 1 or 2 days gambling can be phenomenal.

My debts are catching up on me now and I have to get to meetings, share this and be extra vigilant because I do not deal well with pressure,

For today, I will not gamble

Take Care

Blues

HI Blues,

Im so glad you made you meeting.. Meetings make it im sure you have heard that so many times. I remember the first time I went to a G.A meeting my first thought was they were all a bunch of lunatics and I wasnt anything like them, (someone once told me your not responsible for your first thought but you are your second), My second thought was, Give it a chance what have i got to lose, my life cant get any worse than what it is, Listen, I mean really listen to what people are saying. You have to give it away to get it back.... G.A is full of sayings like that but its true.

GO to your meetings, give it away, hand it over all the s**t in your head, how and what your feeling. Listen to what people have to say, listen for similarities not differences.

Its a programme of change without question but you have to put the effort in and make the changes.

Its never to late. ! Today is another chance to turn it around. !

Keep going blues.

Best wishes

Blondie x

Well its 5pm, still in work and i've made it so far today, busy this evening so no chance / opportunity / DESIRE! to bet - that is todays main thing. I have sussed out a GA meeting tomorrow and will be there to listen and share as it really benefitted me yesterday and there will be (as there was in the past) times I dont want to go, but it isnt an option or choice anymore, I must go - I would think nothing of walking for 20 minutes to the bookies in the rain, hungry, losing every cent then walking home in the rain. So spending 1.5 - 2 hours in a place that gives me peace and will benefit my life more than any amount of money could, is WELL worth it.

You see, money isnt all I have lost at the moment, it was before. My family, my wife, my children, friends, trust, potentially job! This really is a terrible disease and I will kick it - I WILL. When I went last night there was a lovely car in the car park and someone got out of it, I thought, must be going somewhere else as I had just walked 20 minutes in the drizzly rain. No, he was going to GA and had been for 17 years - was free of a bet for 17 years and looked really well, content and happy. I want to be there but the advice of one day at a time is so so true,

Take Care

Blues

Well firstly absolutely ecstatic to say I remain gamble free. Went to another meeting on Saturday and went for a massive walk yesterday, giving me lots of time for contemplation. I have to make this work this time, I want to make this work this time and I WILL make this work this time. I woke up this morning feeling very lethargic and dreamt all night about gambling. The dream was so real that I actually had to think for a minute whether I had placed a bet yesterday. In the dream I was placing bets for other people as well as myself, and I know this is part of my recovery / cravings. I have also toned down my alcohol intake as my defences come down greatly when I drink.

So there it is, onto day 5 and I know I need to get a meeting in this evening - it's raining, but I must go - keep getting the meetings in is the one piece of advice i'm going to take this time and lets see how I get on - I want to make people proud of me, but most of all I want pride in myself..

Take Care

Blues

Morning Blues.

Well done on attending GA.

It does help especially at the start of the recovery.

I attend whenever i can plus i don't carry cash.

Best wishes,

gazza

Great news blues, keep it up mate

Blues you sound very determined and thats great to see youve done over 200 bet free days in the past and you can do it again and more a day at a time.

1 bets too many and a 1000 is not enough.

Were all rooting 4 u blues

take care

Well done blues.

Each day you remain gamble free adds another piece to your body armour. You will get stronger and your head will get clearer.

You can do this, keep posting, Keep going to G.A. Be proud each day.

Blondie

Many thanks for all your support folks, its amazing how clear the thinking becomes after only a few days gamble free - I know the last time I made 200+ days bet free that I had an inner peace that I havent had since - was I afraid of the postman NO, was I afraid of the phone ringing NO, did I care about my family YES....Thats where I need to get to - one day at a time though. I need to continue with the meetings and accept that I will never beat this, but I can control it - I am a compulsive gambler and that trait turns me into somebody I am not and I dont like.

Just for today I will not gamble

Take Care and Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Blues

HI Blues,

I felt like i had come out of a washing machine that had been on spin cycle when I stopped gambling and like you say the clear thinking soon returns, it is then that you have to start stimulating the positive in your head. You can do this, You can be stronger than this. I tell myself every day.. I can do anything for just one day.. even not gamble.

I know as long as I stay away from that first bet then my clarity of thought will continue.

We are all behind you blues, Keep going.

Just for today.

Blondie x

Hi,

Well firstly the main point, yesterday I did not gamble, mission and objective achieved. In fact yesterday was very productive and I went to work, putting in a good shift, went to my meeting and went home and was cooking until gone midnight. You see, clear thinking is slowly returning, I have given so much time, and effort to gambling that I now must channel that time and effort in life. Life is for living, I really dont want to be in my 60's looking back at what I should have done, I have enough regrets now, but in my mid 30's, have a chance to put things right. I know everyone around me is willing me to succeed, people love me I am sure of that, but at the same time, they are CERTAIN I will fail. Their love and encouragement is so appreciated, but when I'm gambling, I couldnt give two hoots (would like to use a stronger word!) about anyone or anything. Really, anyone could tell me any news good or bad and I really wouldnt care less.

The things I have done over the years are not the behaviour of a normal person. That is something I have begun to realise, I'm not normal. I'm not great, I'm not a bad person, but i'm different to the majority of people as I cannot control something that is seen as a choice by many.

In one respect, I want people to understand, but from going to my meetings, only other compulsive gamblers really understand and I would not wish this disease on my worst enemy. I have no control over this and I am willing to hand over my fate to a higher power. I've spent years trying to stop, but accept that I cannot do it. I need the help of GA....

Anyway, for today, I will not gamble,

Take Care

Blues