Regaining control after slip

HI Blues,

thanks for the post. Its amazing to see in such a short space of time the difference in your posts, I beleive we are not bad people trying to be good we are sick people trying to get well.

I have done things in the madness of gambling that still make my skin crawl but I am getting to the point where i understand it more and can forgive myself because of my addiction.

Your right normal people dont understand us or this addiction thats why there is so much unity and support in the G.A rooms and here on gamcare. its a chance to get it all out and come to the realisation that we are not alone.

Keep going blues ODAAT

blondie

Well again, I will start with the most important point, yesterday I did not gamble.

However, this morning is the first time I have woke up with fairly strong urges and I really want to switch them off. I am in work all day, not near a bookies and have £3 in my pocket so all is good in that respect, I cannot act.

I am going to a meeting this evening, which will serve two purposes. It will keep me occupied until those horrible god foresaken places close for the day and it will also give me an opportunity to air my thoughts and feelings and share with other CG's.

I really cannot afford to slip, I can not. I have handed my life to a higher power, whatever that may be. I need to lean heavily on that today and also ask for your support and the support of other GA members this evening. I actually feel better than I did 3 or 4 minutes ago by posting this - Bl**dy heck this a struggle, but i'm told it gets easier, which was when my complacency set in after 204 days last time

I sincerely hope you all have a day where your urges can be controlled. I keep telling myself its just an urge and there is no need to react -

Have a good day and take care

Blues

HI Blues,

You have had some good gamble free days behind you in the past so you know it does get easier,

Your doing absolutly the right thing using the support network that you have, if your struggling use your phonebook, I really should practice what i preach. 🙁

I hope you have a good meeting, I dont think i have ever gone and not taken something away that is relevent to me.

Take care blues and your right its just an urge that our addled brains kid us we need, but we know where that takes us if we act on those urges.

Your doing brilliant blues, Keep going mate.

Blondie x

Well a very tough weekend from an urge perspective, getting through Friday and Saturday was an horrendous battle and to be honest a nightmare. However, how I remained to abstain was I think down to willpower and luck. Friday had me toying with the idea for a few hours of placing that one little seed and we all know how quick the gambling tree grows. I managed to do it though and felt really good on Saturday morning, so much so that I thought I would go for a few pints to celebrate my achievement for the lunch time game. However, as the beers went down (and nice they were too) so did my defences and I found myself standing in the bookies about 255, pen in hand ready to conquer the world. Just then, a very good friend of mine who knows my problems rang me and I dropped the pen and out the door to answer his call. We spoke at length and about 45 minutes later, the urge had subsided as I realised that everyone is on my side but their patience and loyalty will only last so long. I went home, and crashed out, was asleep by about 730 and the day had been such a strain mentally that I slept through. Went to see the family yesterday so that kept my mind occupied but i'm certain that phone call stopped me from placing a bet.

Main thing is, I'm now on day 12 and need to get to a meeting,

For now, take care

Blues

Hi Blues,

How are things with you ? Hope those urges have eased somewhat sounds like that phonecall saved you from oblivian again im sure you have learnt something from it ?

Did you get to that meeting ?

Take care

Blondie

Hi Blondie

Thanks for your message, it was too close - I got to my meeting on Tuesday and explained everything and I really put myself in that situation subconciously, it did not just happen, alcohol, money, time, location - i did the four things that could have led me to a bet. Good thing is I didnt bet, and that is the main thing - another meeting tomorrow night and I need to learn from what could have been a potential disaster

Take Care

Blues

Main thing first, no gambling yesterday. Its now onto day 15 for me in this latest attempt and I feel good about myself for the first time in a while. Alittle overweight, yes, so need to get back to a little exercise which will also boost my mood. The one thing that really annoys me is when I get accused of gambling when I know I haven't really P**ses me off no end and has been before the trigger to go back gambling, not today though. Head clear and as I say, feeling good about myself, I have achieved so much in the last two weeks, and literally dragged myself, with absolutely no help from anyone else other than this website and GA, and its a massive achievement - so, something I usually find hard to do, PAT ON THE BACK FOR ME!!

Its amazing people who you thought you could rely on in bad times turn their back on you and the people who you deemed not so close are there to help you if you need it - True Colours I think it's called well, as I am a little overweight, Elephants never forget!

I hope you all have a gamble free day and just take 5 minutes to focus on your good points and hopefully this will make you feel good about yourself. We are on a very difficult journay and take a look around you, how many people you know could put up with the pressure we are constantly under whn push comes to shove? Fewer than we could imagine....

Blues

Hi Blues, great to hear that you are making progress. Keep going to the meetings and writing your thoughts down on hear. Surround yourself with the right people. People who will listen to you and not judge you. As for being accused of gambling....yes it hurts, but you're the one who has put yourself in this position. They will be hurt and unlikely to trust you. If you accept this, then the attacks will become less painful. Don't expect any 'well dones' from close ones...then you can't be disappointed! We will do the well dones on this site! All you can is your best and you're doing this now...so a big WELL DONE from me! Take care Russ

Hi blues hope alls well with u!

Take care

Well, was back home for a few weeks and everything went smoothly, even though I didnt get to any meetings. Arrived back here on Saturday, fully intending to go to a meeting and BANG - i'm stood in the bookies! The slip wasn't big financially and to be honest, i'm not going to slap myself around as i have done in the past (there are enough people doing that for me!). I have made a decision for ME, to get back to my meeting this evening and get my mind back on an even keel. Would dearly love to go home, put my feet up and watch the football but NOT gambling is my prioirty right now so meeting it is. I didnt gamble Sunday or Yesterday so am putting it down to a slip, pick myself up, dust myself off and face this horrible addiction face on again...

Hope you are all doing well

Take Care

Blues

PS I cannot go back to those dark days I was in, only a month or so ago - they were terrible, not washing, not caring, gambling every penny, contemplating crime to feed my habit - Jesus it was awful and I am so so proud that I have dragged MYSELF from the brink - no one else (this forum is a tremendous help for mr) and of course my meetings. Back in there tonight, tell them all about the slip and move on is my motto

Blues,

Hope things are going ok for you.

Best wishes,

gazza

Hope ur ok blues

take care

For the first time in my life, I actually want to die. I am not overexaggerating the feeling I have, but am hoping by putting it here helps in some way. I have blown my wages for the second time in 3 weeks and am just drained, tired and need to get out of the rut-surely life isnt supposed to be so so punishing and painful. I CANNOT STOP GAMBLING.

HI Blues,

The simple fact is you CAN stop gambling BUT you cant do it on your own. !! You need some help.

Throw the towel in mate admit defeat to gambling it gets us everytime, everytime we go back it drags us back to that dark place that your at now.

I know how you feel I have felt that feeling so many times and everytime I went back untill I asked for help, find what will work for you blues it may be G.A it may be your diary, it might be some 1-1 councelling , you could try medical help but you have to keep trying because will power alone is not enough.

It must seem like you spinning round in a black hole right now and my heart goes out to you but grab the rope blues and start to pull yourself out and I hope this doesnt sound to harsh but you have to want to get out of it and you have to do something positive to make that happen.

What has gambling ever done for you ? Caused you nothing but misery pain, loss, hate, lack of self worth, lack of self esteem, self pity.

There is hope there really is and you have to believe that, you see it in the rooms of G.A you see it on the diarys here, grab it and hold on to that hope.

Be patient, be determined, be persistant and get some help. Please ?

Take care blues you dont have to do this on your own.

Blondie x

Blondie, thanks for your response - I just cannot acept that I keep doing the same thing, with the same outcome over and over - my life is one constant battle against this illness. The worse thing is, I will not buy anything for myself and just gamble gamble and gamble, Christmas is just around the corner and my children dont deserve such a pathetic excuse for a father....I have been going to GA but a switch just turns on in my head and BANG!