Regaining control after slip

Ok, so nearly another day done in the life of a compulsive gambler. To be honest, I haven't had any urges today and managed to eat more than I have been over the last week or so. Walking home from work takes me roughly 2.5 hours and I am going to walk 1/2 the way and get the train the rest of the way I think. Nice brisk evening out there and will also give me some time to think.

My mindset is clearing ever so slowly and this time last week I was already in the throws of destruction and I kind of feel secure sitting in work, no money and knowing the hellholes will be shut in less than one hour.

530pm on Sunday, 17th February was my last bet, placed with 10p that I found on the street, in sheer desperation to get something back to buy me instant noodles and the like. That time will stick in my head and I will keep reminding myself of it just as I did the last time I abstained for nearly 7 months. Those 7 months were wonderful and even if I achieve half of that, I will be a winner and have self respect back.

I would love to say I will never gamble again, but experience has told me that I really have a fight on my hands in this life and as I said yesterday, no MORE for me, i've had enough, I really cannot handle it and there is hell of a lot further I can fall let me tell you.

I have gone 4 days without placing a bet - WELL DONE BLUES!and I mean that sincerely

Take Care

Blues

Thank you fo my post. It is nice to have support. luckly this time i have the support from my mom but i lied and i feel awful. It is just another lie to add on to the mass of deciet that i have already done.

Well done Blues for reaching day 4!! keep at it. Just take one day at a time. I know how hard it is. Maybe see u on chat sometime

Take care

nicki xx

Hi Blues.

Thanks for the supportive post on my diary. It means a lot especially when I read that you are having a tough time at the moment.

Well done on the few days you have been gamble-free. That might sound patronising but it is not. I firmly believe that those first few days are the most important. Once you have broken the habit it becomes a little easier.

I agree that it is inevitable that we will get urges from time to time. I get them most days. I can't listen to the radio without hearing a preview of that nights football and automatically thinking that this team or that is a bit of value. It doesn't matter though if we do not act on the urge. I think we all know by now that it is completely pointless as even if we pick a winner it is only a matter of time before the winnings and more will be back in the pocket of the bookie.

No matter how hard it may seem you can do this Blues. 7 months previously bet-free is the proof. If you can do that then you can be bet-free forever and your life will be infinitely better for it.

One day a time. Look in the mirror each night and congratulate yourself on not gambling. With each passing day you will get to like the reflection looking back at you.

I'm not a gambling man anymore but I am going to back you to get through the rest of the year and beyond gamble-free. YOU CAN DO IT.

Well folks, a new dawn a new day and no bet yesterday. Slept for about two hours last night so pretty tired today and have a game of football this evening but should be ok when i get on the pitch and hopefully enjoy it.

Nothing much else to report today,

Still down in the dumps Check

Still beating myself up Check

Still gamble free CHECK!

Take Care

Blues

Well another day nearly down, I hate Fridays as those hellholes are open until 930pm, despairing people losing all their hard earned money in a few hours. This time last week, I was in turmoil, walking the streets having just texted my wife to say I'd done it again, no money, no food, pure and utter hatred. Thankfully, this week, although still reeling from the events 7 days ago, I'm a little more at peace. I know only I can change the direction of my life. Placing that bet on Sunday with 10p found on the floor was the final straw, the END, hopefully closure. If I have ANY chance of getting my family life back, gambling must be eradicated from my life.

I would love if we could go to a doctor and take a pill that prevents us from gambling, but sadly we can't.

Take Care

Blues

Hi Blues...It brings back memories when you talk of the 10p bet. In my case i'd find said 10p and then go in search of some machine that already had a partial credit in it so that the 10p would then get that start button to light up. Two seconds later it would be all over.. the action ended once more.

Stay stopped my friend as i do the same. Onwards... S.A 🙂

Thanks SA, yes true behaviour that you are in the grips of addiction (and addiction is winning) when we stoop to such levels.

Well, a week has passed since that 10p event and to be honest, my mood has improved. I'm still penniless and quite looking forward to doing the right thing when I get paid at the end of the week.

Managed to get two GA meetings in at the weekend and they just re-affirm the fact that I am a compulsive gambler and have a BIG problem. That is what GA gives to me, it drills into my head that I cannot place a bet without it becoming an issue eventually. I may control my gambling for a week, two weeks, then BANG and BANG again and again. I'm not putting myself through this anymore, I am relatively young and have a great opportunity to turn my life around and head in another direction.

When I do get paid, I will be getting the photo and self exclusion form filled out for three or four local hellholes and each time I get paid, will cast my net further.

Anyway, last bet was @ 530pm on Sunday, 17th February

Take Care

Blues

Well done Blues and keep up your good work. It's good (even though it's bad) that you can now specifically pinpoint a really bad and desperate occurance of one of your gambling sessions. That happened to me on Jan 18th when I had just blown almost ALL of my salary for that day before the sun had even risen!! Those feelings that ran through my body for the remainder of the day (and weekend), coupled with the fact that I had to text my sister (who had been so supportive emotionally and financially in a non judgemental way) were the worse feelings ever and from that moment, I decided that enough was enough!!

So in a way, as bad as it seemed on the 17th for you, it also acts as a very good reminder to the reasons why you want to stop for once and for all.

Take care and bring that day back to the forefront of your mind whenever you have any negative thoughts, urges or cravings. That's what I am doing and it does work.

Feb.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and comments, all of us make bad choices, but the people on the site offer me something few others do, encouragement, advice and general feeling of wellbeing.

No bet yesterday as was in work late then played football. My mind started to race last night with thoughts of placing a few bets when I get paid at the end of the week, but then I slowly slowed my mind down by thinking of the consequences if i did. This took about 20 minutes and it is the first time I have done that.

It wasn't an urge, more of a what if? scenario and the outcome if I do is utter devastation again. Funny how the gambling mind works,

Anyway, day 9 already and feeling good again despite lifes family problems!

Take Care

Blues

Blues,

You know what to do and you're doing it.

Continued best wishes,

gazza

Another day down and the hellholes are closed. All over Britain and Ireland people will be walking around having blown every last penny/cent just as I did on Friday 15th Feb - I continued to hold onto the dream that the 20 I had in my pocket would not only win my money back but give me a life of luxury. Then I found the 10p piece and even then on Sunday 17th February, thought that was the answer to all my dreams - I could become a millionaire - FROM 10p!!!

Distorted, non-sensical thinking at its best, gambling addiction at its strongest and me at my most vunerable and weakest!

Well, i've completely ruined my life in terms of happy families, and I can only control my actions.

Take Care

Blues

Hi blues

Stay strong my friend you are not alone in this. We all dream of that big win on day but what we don't think is that its never going to happen other wise the bookies will be out of business by now and we all be rich.

Also i understand when you get paid the urges are strong as you have the money and the mind only think of gambling nothing else its only when you lost it all the the mind comes back to reality.

The best way to stop gambling is to learn were you slipped up and self exclude your self from their. Its the only way we stop..

Thanks for your comments.

Today is a WONDERFUL day and you know why, I have NOTHING to report on my diary.

Life is trundling along, not as smooth as I would like, but a hell of a lot smoother than a week and a half ago.

I hope you all have a day where you make the right choices, thoughts/urges will come, but let them go, just let them pass through your mind, don't let the little b'stards set up camp there!

Take Care

Blues (last bet 1730, Sunday 17th February)

Well done Blues,

I'm finding the non-gambling path a very uneven one - up and down (to say the least!) days - but ultimatley we have to remind ourselves how hideous life was with gambling and imagine how amazing it could be without wasting all that money and time ever again.

I have to keep trying to rationalise my thoughts and remind myself that one last go won't solve all my debt problems. I am working exceptionally hard though to clear the financial mess I have made and I'll be so pleased when it is all behind me.

I wish you all the best and remain strong - you can do this and life will be so much better than it has been x

Well, onto day 11 today and it seems like a long time ago since i placed that 10p bet. That incident has really sunk deep into my mind as to how low i sank, leaving myself without the basic essentials in life and jeopardising everything I deserve.

Nothing much else to report, head in a fairly stable place at the minute and I need to be fully aware at how quickly that can change. Staying in work again until 630 this evening until the hellholes have closed, then GA meetings at the weekend, it the only way for me.

Take Care

Blues