Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Ryan - so glad for you re. the job. I have just read your first Diary post from last September - what a journey you have been on to get to this positive stage in your life. Hope you go from strength to strength.

Joanna

ryan

fella that is great news regarding the job, Well done my friend.

Belief in yourself, and using the lessons you have learnt in life I see as contending factors.

It is refreshing how honesty in my own life stands to serve me so much better than the lies I span all the time I gambled.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Back to work tomorrow, and outside of work I have my usual stack of freelance work to get through in the morning. I'm good at busy. Although I like to pretend I'm lazy, and in some ways I am, when it comes to work and earning money to clear my debt, I do put in a lot of hard yards.

Was nice to read about Duncan planing to get debt free by the end of the year - frankly so am I. My debt is on an interest free credit card, so I'm putting half of my surplus towards that and have into a savings account, so when I have paid that off, I'll also have a bit of cash to maybe do something silly with, like taking a holiday or getting a new(er) car. When it comes to self-belief, this has been really good for me as I always tend to do myself down a little. Maybe its time to start tackling the belly too...going for a walk early doors tomorrow.

Hope everyone's having a good week,

Ryan

Hey Ryan,

Self-belief and confidence are tought things to hold on to. But you are doing great dear friend, never think ur less than someone else. You got it all in you, so just dig it out and share wiv the world.

Really proud of you, thank you for visiting "crazy - happy" place on my diary lol lol..sometimes it's unreal what we do to keep the optimism and positivity going..hey!!! At least it works!! Ha :-))

Keep it up, u are doing absolutely fantastic, be proud, enjoy and keep moving on

Speak later, have a lovely day

Sandra x

Friday's here again, its actually been quite sunny down in South West Wales this week, and although I'm working, at least getting to look outside and see something apart from rain is a nice change. Finally splashed out 30 quid on a set of golf clubs this week, so going to be heading down to the driving range for a bucket or two on Monday and Tuesday.

Thanks for the support as always, wouldn't have made it to 202 days today without this place. The catharsis of writing things down and discussing them with people really does some amazing things.

Ryan

Hi Ryan and good to read that life is going well for you and that you have pushed through and beyond 200 days gamble free. Well done mate, great stuff!

Thanks for your support as always... S.A 🙂

It's amazing what a few days of good weather will do for a guy...spent time playing with my parents dog yesterday, and feeling optimistic about the future once again. Summer (dare I say that word...today I dare much!) seems to be just around the corner, and I could do with getting myself out of the house and into the great outdoors.

Gambling doesn't really seem to be that much of an issue at the moment, saw baggins writing about how her responses to gambling adverts have changed. By now, those adverts seem to fade out in white noise, and because I see them so often they just seem to be like a gnat buzzing in the ear of a horse. I'm bigger than that now, and while forever seems to be a long way away, I'm definitely not gambling today and tomorrow.

For those of you with kids...hope the end of the school holidays comes soon! ;--)

Ryan

Hey Ryan 🙂

Thank you for your kind words and support on my diary. Really good to see you moving on and enjoying your life. (Even better in sunny weather 😉 )

Stay strong, look ahead and reap the benefits g free life gifts you with each day. Your story is inspiring, thank you for sharing and I'm very happy to walk beside you all the way. Be proud my friend, keep making the right choice.

All the best

Sandra x

hey Ryan

thanks for your diary- I have loved reading, soo positive and optimistic for the future. Your diary is my inspiration to stay gamble free today.

Well done on being so many days without a bet, hope I will be catching you up soon!

hope you enjoy the sunshine today

Stu

Ryan

good to see life treats you well my friend, it is testament to the effort you have given recovery

Regarding those adverts I think the key is gambling will always exist, so it would seem the growing number of adverts with it, I look at it that those adverts fund my love of sport, through those adverts whether on the tv or on football shirts I see it that my sky bill is kept at a good price.

I do believe in the fullness of time things may change, if I look back twenty years sportsmen would smoke and drink during play, tabacco funded many sporting events, today I think they fund none, maybe supermarkets will latch on in to the opportunity.

Funny thing is it is not the gambling adverts that bother me it is the payday loan companies, those folk need regulating,praying on the poor and desparate.

Anyhow sorry to ramble on your thread.

Keep making the right choice my friend

Enjoy your efforts

Duncs stepping forward never back

To quote Bruce Springsteen (later work) "Shackled and drawn, shackled and drawn, I woke up this morning shackled and drawn." Well, I didn't quite feel that way, but not exactly in the best place.

Anyhow, the reason behind it is that today was the first fasting day in my attempt to follow the 5:2 diet, which is something a few friends have had some success with. I got through the day okay, and just been typing and reading here to try and distract myself from a hungry stomach. At least I've got a good breakfast to look forward to tomorrow, and I'm continuing to look at the changes that I need to make that have been covered up by gambling for so long.

Thanks everyone for the support, this place is keeping me on the straight and narrow, and I want more than ever for my forward path to be this way.

The reason I quoted Bruce is that I heard another line from the same song while I was listening to Wrecking Ball earlier on. "Gambling man rolls the dice, working man pays the bills." Although I take it out of context for my purpose, I am seeing myself moving from being one to the other. Payday tomorrow, and those bills are once again being paid.

Hope everyone has a good bank holiday, and those looking for strength delve deep to find it. I read some stories from new members, and I know I'm just a reckless betting spree from being back at that point.

Ryan

Hi Ryan...

"Gambling man rolls the dice, working man pays the bills."

That quote certainly struck a chord with me. Makes me think of my two mates from rehab days...both of whom now live in the same street, (bizarrely enough) and both of whom haven't been paying their bills because they are gambling and both of whom are slowly sinking into the abyss because they still think that gambling can solve their financial problems.

Don't get me wrong am not passing judgement because I have been there many times and I could be in that mind set again at any time... but just for today I keep fighting the good fight and today I will pay another little chunk off my council tax bill. Paying bills brings some peace of mind and a sense of security, gambling just brings insecurity and panic.

All the best with your diet. Funny thing is I never had you down as someone who was over weight. believe it or not, despite all my running I am over weight too.. a good pair of legs but a wobbly tummy lol Enjoy your Easter weekend.. regards... S.A 🙂

Well, another week's work done and I'm still paying the bills. Hoping that sometimes before Christmas I'll actually be able to say that I'm completely debt free, but for now I'm still plodding in the right direction, and getting my life back in order again.

I'm not going to say that its all golden in the wood, but I seem to be rolling from up to down a fair bit these days, maybe its the stress of preparing to transition from old job to new job. Not that its really particularly stressful, it's probably just my usual self doubt making it feel that way.

SA - your picture certainly paints one part of me, a wobbly tummy, and once I get debt free, I'm going to ease back on work and really focus on exercise and doing what makes me happy, or at least, what is good for me and my health. For now, work is king.

Just starting day 212, and while there are some wispy thoughts, they are quickly dashed before even becoming fully formed impulses in my mind. I have come to realise, I don't actually think the gambling part of my mind wants to win, it just wants the carnage of self-destruction. If that is the case, then what kind of crazy individual genuinely wants to lose more than win? Self analysis brings more questions than answers, so for now its to bed, and ready to relax and enjoy a couple of days off work tomorrow and Tuesday.

All the best everyone,

Ryan

Evening/Morning,

The insomnia is getting me tonight, though I could probably do with getting up early and still trying to achieve something tomorrow. Thanks for your support Julie, you are right that having the answers to all the questions would not necessarily bring anything but the desire to find more questions.

Anyhow, I think its time for me to hit the hay, and hopefully I can get up early and do some more freelance work before heading to work.

Still paying them bills,

Ryan

Hey Ryan

just wanted to drop by your diary and say thanks for another encouraging word on mine. you have done so brilliantly and come so far in your recovery journey. Well done and thanks for being an inspiration to us.

Stu