Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Hi Ryan... interesting thoughts.

I am pretty much what you describe. I have gone from one mini-disaster to the next. I am now 42 years old and i don't want to live that way anymore.

You keep your cash in the bank my friend and then go out and have fun socialising this christmas. Thats what i intend to do.

Take care... S.A

Hi Ryan,

Thanks for your kind words, this addiction has many disguises and that is what makes it different.

You were wrong about me being asleep it's little grandson who is fast away in noddy land I am wide awake lol.

It's amazing what we learn every day about ourselves with this addiction, (it never goes away lol)

Take care and stay strong determined and safe not long till the end of this S****y year.

Suzanne xxx

Ryan

fella thanks for popping by my thread,your words ring true and I am glad I have found a way to celebrate the festive season that won't stress myself or my loved ones out,bottom line is for me I am not religious in any way so I will use the time I have off to chill out and enjoy the love of my family,oh and the football on boxing day!!

Glad to read you have equally good plans to look forward to my friend,all made possible by keeping addiction locked up inside our minds,because that is the best we can do.

Abstsain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Well, we're into December, and heading towards the end of a gamble free year I hope, unless anything goes horribly wrong. Although like you Duncs, I am not religious, while I'm not looking forward to Christmas Day itself, we're having a Christmas meal the week before with my sister and brother and my parents, and that should be a really good day.

I'm on the verge of committing to a massive adventure next year which will take me back to the Himalayas to enjoy some ice climbing and trekking for a month in Nepal, as long as I can get work to agree to let me go. I'm agreeing to work all the Bank Holidays, so fingers crossed they're going to let me out to play. It will mean putting off the new car and buying a house for a while, but I guess my priorities are a little different.

My grumpy santa pic seems all the more appropriate at this time of year, really starting to get my 'bah, humbug' on, in a light-hearted way. However, if somebody plays Wham!, things will get very serious very quickly!

All the best guys

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Thank you so much for your posts to me. Yes, nightshifts are not the perfect hours of the day and you are right, i seem to age daily lol..i always said i will do these hours for a few years and move on after...it's been a year and 8 months now...i suppose time to start searching for alternatives 🙂

Your next year adventure sounds great!! You do what you feel you want to do and if travelling is your thing then just go for it. I have to prioritise my own place and see what i can make out of my holiday few years on...but you never know i might just board that plane and head off somewhere lovely instead.

Keep up the good work and enjoy your life. Xmas is not too festive for me either...but that's also down to the person and believes.

Take care and keep reaching for your dreams.

Sandra xx

Hi Ryan. Keep on going until the end of the year buddy. What an achievement that would be.

The Himalayas sounds like a nice little holiday. Something to look forward to next year!

Hi Ryan , thanks for your post, and well done on staying gamble free . That holiday sounds very exciting, and last christmas,,,,, i gave you my,,,,,,,,,,,,, only kidding, xmas music is horrendous 🙂

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your post..yep..counted 60 of them sheeps and passed out lol..it works by the looks of it! 😉

Just a little update about NHS counselling. As you know i filled a form in, arranged a assessment over the phone and heard back from the yesterday. There is 8 weeks waiting time but i guess i will have to cancel it cause it is the same one I'm getting now (CBT).my counsellor not gonna be happy cause she said i need a EMDR which is working on deeper roots of my past. Hey ho, it is what it is.
Did you see your GP about it? There is a lot of different therapies NHS offering and i hope you can find one suitable for you.

On a very positive note - very well done on your continued journey, may long the light of recovery shines you the way forward. Keep up the battle, there is only one winner - YOU my friend.

(((((Ryan)))))

S xx

Hi guys,

Been a stressful couple of days with the insomnia showing its head, I had an interview for a management training program at work, which usually leads people into the better paying jobs. Anyway, its over with now, and I won't find out how it went until Christmas. Not really worrying too much about it, as I can't change it, and I've got plenty of other stuff on my plate too.

My passion / obsession for the high Himalayas has resurfaced since I talked myself into going there again next year. There's a lot of training between now and then, and I'm starting from a low base point.

Gav - we are going to have some words if you continue like that - I may have to put your gifts on the fire and logs on the tree!

Sandra - I did have a brief chat with my GP, who made a referral on to the mental health team, but not heard anything back since. I'm not expecting too much as I'm sure that they are completely overstretched and underresourced.

Hope everyone's having a good week. I'll be working from tonight until Sunday, looking forward to the start of next week now when I have another few days off. Gambling thoughts - not even time for one.

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Once again thank you so much for your ongoing support on here and behind forum walls.
Yes, every day is different and i just keep learning to navigate safely through crappy ones, but hey - progress not perfection! 😉

Really hope that interview is a success and possibilities to go out in this wide world will be offered to you in no time. You are skillful guy and have quite brainy head on those shoulders.

Hope sleep will get back on course soon enough and you can rest well again.

Himalayas sounds like wonderful place to visit. Persue your dream and it will surely come true before you know it 🙂

You are on the right track, keep up the fight, come out the winner.
Knock the addiction down and keep it there forever.

You are doing it.

Stay safe and have a lovely weekend ..even if you have to work ...just keep humming that xmas song :-)))

S xx

Thanks for the post on my diary Ryan, glad to hear you have been too busy to contemplate any gambling thoughts this week. Good luck with the job, I hope the interview has paid off. The Himalayas sounds absolutely amazing, the highest I have been is to the top of Snowdon and the view from there is spectacular, it must be 1000 times better in the Himalayas. I would love to get fit enough to do Kilimajaro, but that will require a long period without a bet and plenty more weight loss and training. Hope you have a good weekend, plenty of sport to follow (if work allows), no doubt loads of Ray Winstone, but no bets or looking at odds for either of us.

Have a good one

Phil

Hi Ryan

Life sounds full on for you at the moment but that's no bad things for us CGs , your work is going well and possibilities of moving up the pay scale , whatever happens on that front I'm sure you learned a lot from it , last day of work for you then you can catch up on the sleep , overall just keep doing what your doing your in a good place

Castle2

Thanks guys,

Forgot how much the long days take it out of you, having done overtime as well as my normal shift for three days in a row. As the worried Stark parents say in Westeros, Christmas is coming.

Tried to write two posts over the weekend, one which was quite positive and optimistic, and looking at how the diary becomes less about gambling, and more of a journal the further I get from gambling. I accidentally deleted that one. The only real thing I was saying was in response to Phil's post - Having been in the Himalayas before, if you can climb Snowdon and not feel achy the day afterwards, a bit of training and a hiking holiday will be fine, its not as tough as it sounds.

The second post was on Saturday, when I was feeling a bit more melancholy and just was tired of work and cranky. I didn't post that because I knew it was just the product of one of my down days, and not reflective of where I am. Anyhow, still on the straight and narrow with regards to gambling, Other parts of life are still a work in progress.

Ryan

Thanks for the post Ryan, good to see as well as being a Football Manager fan you are also a Game Of Thrones fan, I can't wait for the next season, not many Starks left now! I hope you are getting over the long hours, I used to work lots of 12 hour shifts in my old job and I don't miss it one bit. As for the Himalayas, I think I'm a long long way from being able to manage that.

Have a good week mate!

This week has already felt like a long one, roll on 4pm on Saturday when I get to wave goodbye to it and I can spend a few hours to myself. Plenty of freelance work to do, but low levels of motivation and also struggling to spend the necessary time clearing my desk.

Was struggling to sleep last night, so about 2am I was looking at houses that might fall within my budget should I ever get a deposit together, and looking at some nice houses up the valley. Have a shortlist of villages with decent pubs that are on my radar for the future, though it may be a year or three away yet.

I think I may need to take a nap if I am to properly finish off my current project tonight, hope everyone's chuffed its Friday tomorrow!

Ryan