Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

So, the verdict is in. The diagnosis was cyclothymia, which is on the lower end of the bipolar spectrum, but without the extremes of full on bipolar. I guess it makes sense, and they've referred me for a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to try and train the faulty switches in my head to switch off, so I can let go of the things I obsess about and wind down to go to sleep when I actually need to, instead of leaving myself knackered. She offered me sleeping pills, but I don't really think I want to go down that route.

I think it does feel better to have something I can point at and say, that's what's wrong. I do kind of feel that in some ways they probably had bigger fish to fry than me, but she was really nice about it.

On early shifts at work this week, but it wasn't too bad, time for the washing up, then some dinner to make more washing up.

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Glad to hear that you got a diagnosis, and that hopefully some peace of mind will come from that too.

The parakeets are still visiting the bird feeders is the word you were looking for!!! :0)

And I feel I have to point out that I have never played those evil machines at all. Mind you, I was still an empty shell, albeit doing other ridiculous punting......

Keep strong, and don't work too hard mate.

Ade

Hi Ryan, the fact you feel you're one of the smaller fishes has to be a positive, and as you say it's good to know you've got a diffinitive on the matter. have a great evening ( after the washing up of course) .....Ginger

Hi Ryan,

Good to see you posting, and gamble free, and going to the docs has put your mind at ease.

Suzanne xx

Retired journalist?!??.......you don't look a day over 65!!! ;0)

Mmmmmmm.......typing square holder, I like that.....it could catch on you know.

Hi Ryan.. as others have said.. good to have a diagnosis.

For me the worst outcome would have been for someone to say, your absolutely fine, "pull yourself together, what would ya mother think!" lol

I remember when i was having dodgy vision after exercise and the GP sent me for tests. When i went back to the Gp for the results the consultant had written a stroppy letter to the Gp about wasting resources ie having sent a basically fit and healthy man along for investigations.

Anyway I hope the CBT proves useful and that you can stay on a level and get good sleep in the months and years to come.

Thanks for your thoughts as always.. regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your support and am really pleased to see you have got diagnosis and not being messed about with too many ????. Also great going on g free days, keep climbing that mountain and making the right choices for yourself.

Take care and stay strong

S x

Hi Ryan, I keep dipping in & out of your diary but I kind of wanted to read it properly before posting as I didn't want to make myself look like a berk! However, having just read your diagnosis, I had to drop in to congratulate you on your remarkable control with recovery (where you are anything but a small fish)! Hopefully the brain training will help you with the other aspects of your stresses but you are kicking b**t as far as our addiction is concerned so I'm pretty sure with a bit of guidance, you'll be strong enough to flick the switch!

Keep nailing those double entendres & stay strong - ODAAT

Hi Ryan,

I managed to get a photo of those d**n parakeets for you!

Check out my profile pic, there's two of the b*ggers in there!! Grrrrr.......

Hope you're well mate, have a good weekend.

Ade

Okay Ade,

I'm willing to buy the parakeet story...though I'll be honest and confess that it could just be a pair of pet parrots trained not to fly away... 😉 Anyhow, got a job interview down south next week, hopefully I manage to hold it together and put in a good performance for the judges and their scorecards. Looking forward to put in the best performance I can, based on recent interviews I haven't been too bad.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend, as for nailing the double entendres, I wish I could say that that ship had sailed, but I'm afraid that women and seamen don't mix.

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Thanks very much for your support. It is really appreciated. I hope that you have a great, gambling free weekend. Good luck with your job interview next week.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Ryan,

Such a great news on the interview!!! Smash them down my friend, i know you're fully prepared for the next step up the ladder 🙂

All the best and keep us updated on your success 🙂
Thank you for your support..head is at the level recently...progress not perfection !

Speak later
Hugs

Sandra x

Hi Ryan, soz for not getting back to you sooner...I have signed both myself & the NM up to the nearest community gym! Lots of fancy technology linked into our smart phones way beyond my capability but it's clean & no complaints from me except the cruddy showers! I booked the NM in for a body test when I booked his induction...Big mistake 🙁 Looks like he's made of lard 😉 I've not been a member @ a gym for several years - it's always been a bit like gambling for me - a pointless exercise in throwing money away! Who says you can't teach a dog new tricks...I showed Mr Gamble - Watch out world, soon I'll be stamping all over those urges & not even getting out of breath 🙂

Good luck in that interview & don't go south of the Thames or you'll get a nosebleed!

Be safe, be strong - ODAAT

Hi Ryan.

I've just spent the last hour reading through your diary. A very rewarding hour it was as well. It's great to see you doing so well and passing the 500 day mark. I'm taking a lot of inspiration from the likes of yourself and Ade at the moment as you are both showing that no matter how many times we fall, it is never too late to change.

I really enjoy your boxing analogies as you know. It made me smile to see that you actually ended up in the ring. I wish I had been online to follow your success earlier but truth be told I was avoiding this place like the plague last year.

You are doing amazing. Keep going.

Curly.

You're up late! Hope the interview went well?

It was odd to realise where I was with that amount of money in my purse (which I haven't carried for over 200 days) but to be honest I was still reeling from the attack by Mr Gamble with the lottery on the Saturday so there was no way I would have surrendered my soul to the devil, excluded or not!

We have discussed my title before & I decided to keep it as a reminder of what a fool I was for all that time! I am still ashamed that I let it control me for so long especially since I am bowling along this recovery road with very few bumps! I cannot forgive & I will never forget but I won't let it stop me moving forward as it is part of me that I cannot change & must always be on my guard against!

I think a new bed should be the 1st thing you treat yourself to when you move, single mattresses on the floor is no place for a CG with 520 days in recovery!

Keep up the great work - ODAAT