Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Good to read you are in a good place Ryan, and that you can choose to follow your passions, and you will continue to do so, with making that right choice NO bets.

You are doing great, keep winning,

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Well, I've survived through to today without gambling, and apart from that one little play with temptation last week, I don't genuinely think that I will be gambling away my bonus or paying off gambling debts for the first time in a long time. I am looking forward to picking up a new car tomorrow, which I've been dreaming about since about two days after I got my last car.

I don't always see the benefits of recovery so obviously before me, but despite the continued up and down of my moods, both work and outside work, things do seem to be going fairly well. Didn't get the job I interviewed for the other week, but I knew it was a long shot anyway. The response I received was very positive, and I've applied for a couple of other jobs closer to my current skillset.

I'm sorry to read some of my friends on here have been struggling, I know it is so tough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The most important thing of all for me, is to keep my hands up, and keep swinging back when those temptations come a-knockin.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, with the big rugby matches on! (Proper rugby now Ginge!)

Ryan

Hi Ryan

yes the Ginger ones doing very well thanks, great to hear your in good spirits too...and a new car!

you're a winner in body mind and pocket my friend, as for me I'm hoping to be debt free at the end of the month...onwards and upwards indeed.

have a great weekend fella, enjoy your new car and the rugby....it sure is crunch Saturday, a 3 way fight and we know as ex gamblers there's no such thing as a dead cert!....all the best..Ginger.

Hi Ryan,

Thanks for your post. Things are up & down over here but such is life eh.

soo good to hear you're buying a new car. While washing mine today was taken bk memory lane a little about my beast Celica i had few years ago...now in this box i can hardly pick up the speed to 70 lol. Let me know what ya getting 🙂

Very well done on other fronts of your life . Nothing goes perfect in this world (for example me bein locked out of the house at the mo lol..so just decide to post a little while sat in a car) but as long as you find harmony with things around you, that matters the most.

keep it up and keep kicking gambling outta your life!!!

S x

Hi Ryan,

I don't always see the benefits of recovery either, especially as I have been feeling so unwell... but as you rightly say, they are always there.

I don't suppose you would have been in a position to get a new car if you were gambling and i don't suppose you would have even applied for new jobs if you were gambling.

Onwards and forwards.

Regards... S.A 🙂

Hi Ryan,

What are you up to these days? Too busy driving that new car of yours I hope. Let us know how life is treating you. It's been a while since your last update. Your xmas hat picture seems so long ago now. Take care, Suzy

Hey Ryan,

Hope all is ok with you. Didn't hear from you in a while so just hope you are busy...prob driving that new car of yours 😉

Please get bk to me so i know you're safe!

Take care and keep on keeping on

Sandra x

Broken again. I didn't lose everything i learned during my time off the path, but I know I need to get back on it if I'm going to achieve balance and progress in my life. The presence of money once again proved to be a downfall. I still think gambling is a punishment for myself as I do not deserve those trappings, the things that come with a successful life.

I gambled yesterday, and many days before that. I cannot change those things, but I can make sure that I won't be gambling today. Not gambling becomes a routine, I need that stability back. Starting today.

Ryan,

I can relate to having spare cash and the feelings of punishing ourselves when life is going well.we feel we don't deserve a good life, but we do deserve a good life, we are so very much worth it.

Take care and stay safe.

Suzanne xxx

Sending you strong and positive thoughts to get straight back to your routine of not gambling.

Ryan

Fella I read your thread after waking up in the chair in the wee small hours this morning, with honesty I opened your thread expecting to read how life was treating you well and was chilled to the bones at what i read.

Addiction is deep rooted my friend, I often lay awake at night pondering how on earth sarah still sleeps by my side, addiction manifests at such times, always riding the same ridiculous tune, whispering 'you got away with it fella, you don't deserve to be here, think of all the things that you have promised to lavish her with and failed, one punt could change that '

True it could, but a twisted truth because addiction doesn't want me to be a part time gambler, it wants to consume my every thought, waking and sleeping moment, so we both know the score.

Active compulsive gambler's live by a mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

Addiction will take our lives and twist our every thought to ensure that it's fed.

Money bred contempt for many years of my life, truth is ryan i had lost any respect for it.

The doors revolve fella

You know the drill

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Suzanne, Duncs,

Addiction reared its ugly head a while ago, looking back the signs were there. Tempting myself by trying to log in to an old account, a build up of work and freelance work which left me fighting to get everything done, with very little down time.

The reality is though, I guess I was feeling empty for a while. Didn't see why I plodded along, no family, few friends, and a lack of purpose. That's a harder thing to address when it comes to fixing myself, but something I really will need to look at.

Back on the horse, first day drawing to a close. Onward friends, there is no way but forward.

Ryan

Hi
Ryan

Its good you recognize the things you need to change to help fill that void you feel. Going about it is scary & tough which is why most of us return to the temporary comfort of addiction.
But without tackling the areas of our lives that cause us pain & lead us to addiction initially its kind of inevitable at some point we allow it back into our lives. I can only suggest start small but start somewhere. Your confidence will grow on tackling life issues the more you practice it

Dan

Getting back into the routine of not gambling, fitting into it like a comfortable shoe. I'll get around to catching up with the diaries I've missed during the last month, over the weekend hopefully. A mix of remorse at gambling and concern at what could have happened financially. Started off as it always does with a small act of stupidity, and for me, stupidity often brings its bigger friends idiocy and self-destruction, and it escalated, as it always does.

I know these steps too well, but just got to keep walking them.

Here's wishing everyone a good weekend.

That comfortable shoe far outweighs the unknown shoe size that gambling gives us, we know it cripples us.

That walk will be far less painful now you are back in recovery my friend.

Take care and keep safe.

Suzanne xxx

Morning Ryan.... I can appreciate what you say and where you are at. I have also fallen since we last exchanged messages. In fact the hole I have dug for myself is a deep one this time and I feel sad, but I will survive and so will you my friend. We keep working at it.

Onwards and upwards, though perhaps not to Everest base camp in light of recent events.

Warm regards... S.A