Relapse number 1

Hi kf91,

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I believe most people go through times of relapses on their journey of self discovery/recovery (I know i did many times) but what's important is what you learn from the relapses and do something different so that history doesn't repeat itself . You are still young and have a great life ahead of you with making the right choices. I know it's hard not to see yourself as a failure in life but just because you get overpowered with addiction doesn't make you a failure as a person. I found that after a relapse I condemned myself so much and felt so s**t that I was just adding fuel for my next relapse/escapism. My recovery really took off when my perception of myself changed and got help with therapy to help me have better coping strategies with feelings and emotions .

Hold on to the desire to change and take advantage of all the help available.

Take care.

Posted by: Walliss77

Hi kf91,

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I believe most people go through times of relapses on their journey of self discovery/recovery (I know i did many times) but what's important is what you learn from the relapses and do something different so that history doesn't repeat itself . You are still young and have a great life ahead of you with making the right choices. I know it's hard not to see yourself as a failure in life but just because you get overpowered with addiction doesn't make you a failure as a person. I found that after a relapse I condemned myself so much and felt so s**t that I was just adding fuel for my next relapse/escapism. My recovery really took off when my perception of myself changed and got help with therapy to help me have better coping strategies with feelings and emotions .

Hold on to the desire to change and take advantage of all the help available.

Take care.

Thank you for your words. It’s so hard isn’t it? I’m such a positive person but I’m struggling to see a light at the end of the tunnel and I feel so down and disappointing. I’m even struggling with the thought of having a child because I feel I’d let them down too and they deserve better. I’m just feeling negative following the relapse, I’ll be able to pick myself up but at the moment I just feel like I can’t stop myself and I’m my on worst enemy. 

Hi kf91,

I fully understand how you are feeling and it's totally normal to feel this way when battling addiction. 

Have you tried any help such as talking therapy/CBT counselling? I'm only asking this because at the peak of my addiction I couldn't go a day without gambling if I had money available but my turning point was taking the hard step and reaching out for psychological help. 

Hi kf91,

I fully understand how you are feeling and it's totally normal to feel this way when battling addiction. 

Have you tried any help such as talking therapy/CBT counselling? I'm only asking this because at the peak of my addiction I couldn't go a day without gambling if I had money available but my turning point was taking the hard step and reaching out for psychological help. 

I’ve not- the most I’ve done is put gamstop in place (thank god) but I feel I really want to delve further in and get proper help or it’s just going to keep happening and keep getting worse. I’m already on a trust deed for the next four years cause I was £20K+ in debt(all words I really wish o wasn’t typing) and at the rate I’m going I feel I would come out this trust deed and just go back to step one again unless I get serious help. 

I’ve not- the most I’ve done is put gamstop in place (thank god) but I feel I really want to delve further in and get proper help or it’s just going to keep happening and keep getting worse. I’m already on a trust deed for the next four years cause I was £20K+ in debt(all words I really wish o wasn’t typing) and at the rate I’m going I feel I would come out this trust deed and just go back to step one again unless I get serious help. 

I’ve not- the most I’ve done is put gamstop in place (thank god) but I feel I really want to delve further in and get proper help or it’s just going to keep happening and keep getting worse. I’m already on a trust deed for the next four years cause I was £20K+ in debt(all words I really wish o wasn’t typing) and at the rate I’m going I feel I would come out this trust deed and just go back to step one again unless I get serious help. 

I’ve not- the most I’ve done is put gamstop in place (thank god) but I feel I really want to delve further in and get proper help or it’s just going to keep happening and keep getting worse. I’m already on a trust deed for the next four years cause I was £20K+ in debt(all words I really wish o wasn’t typing) and at the rate I’m going I feel I would come out this trust deed and just go back to step one again unless I get serious help. 

Hi again, 

I would like to share my journey with you as it might help in some way. 

From a very young age I had feelings of low self-worth and lots of anxieties/fears. I always had feelings of inferiority and was always mind reading what others thought of me. I had a real lack of coping skills when it came dealing with emotion/feelings and life events and I believe it was a combination of the above which made me vulnerable to be an addict to anything that made me feel better (either through feel good chemicals in the brain or distraction/escapism of emotions and feelings). The more I gambled the more I condemned myself which led to an even lower self-worth. I gambled for 23yrs and was suicidal many times towards the end. I was so fed up of relapsing and then coming back with renewed hope of (must try harder) only to fail again. Eventually I sought out counselling 9 and half years ago and have never looked back. It wasn't easy but I was determined to use the tools to be able to build a kind loving relationship with myself and be more adaptable with life in general.

The counselling worked so well for me that I became a CBT therapist and now I'm blessed that I can help others whilst enhancing my own recovery.

Ultimately it is your choice what path you choose but I just wanted to share my path with you.

Thank you so much for sharing that with me. Well done you, your an amazing person for taking a negative and using it as a tool to help others, well done you. I’ve been on the chat and I’m discussing options of therapy etc with them.. 

one step at a time. 

Thank you you so much. 

Your very welcome.

Please remember that you are valuable, worthy and deserve to have a happy and fulfilled life. Addictions cause addicts to behave badly but it doesn't make them bad people!

I'm pleased that you are considering further help.

I look forward to following your journey.

I've enjoyed chatting, take care and goodnight. 🙂

Thank you! I appreciate that. Had my phone all today and first counselling session is next Tuesday at 1 ..

onwards and upwards .. 🙂

That's great news, i'm super excited for you!

Counselling can seem quite scary for alot of people to begin with but there's really nothing to be afraid of. When I first started having CBT therapy I was scared to open up about my true self through fear of getting vulnerable and being judged but I realised that in order to recover I needed to be absolutely honest with myself and my counsellor and engage with the homework if I had any chance of recovering from my addiction. Change is not easy when you've spent years with self defeating living but if you work hard with it then you'll notice a big difference with feelings/emotions, behaviours and consequences.

I look forward to hearing how you get on.

Enjoy the rest of your day! 🙂