SadG wants to be happyG

Hi G,

Just loved your post about the alzheimer's treck.

My friend who I worked with had her best friend die and she did a treck somewhere exotic for cancer research (can't quite remember where) last year. Was very 3rd world...I say go for it........charities need folks like you.

Sue x

Hi sadg, great idea ! Count me in, I need some pre training but I am up for it. Dark place

The trek is a brill idea. My friend is doing one in March and has held lots of curry evenings, car boots, bake offs etc to raise the funds for the flight with family and friends all getting together to help which has been almost as much fun as her hike will be.

I am sure it will really keep you focused and you can involve your Dad in small ways in the prep and he will love the photos.

Stay strong

xxx

I have an appointment with the physio in February as I have Tendonitis in my knee. It's bloody painful but once I get the physio under way I can work towards a recovery programme and start strengthening my knee. I have to do all this as I am now incredibly determined to do this Trek to Everest base camp next year. That is going to be an important part of my Gamcare diary hopefully over the next 14 months as I distract myself from gambling and spend more time in the gym this year.

I have been given permission by my wife to do this trek although she is a little reluctant to agree to this and thinks I should attempt something a little easier or gentler but that's just not me. A big challenge is just what I need to prove to myself that there is so much more fullfillment to be gained from life by not gambling.

DarkPlace it would be amazing to do this trek with you, with both of us gamble free. I didn't actually think anyone would take my offer seriously when I wrote anyone want to join me but it would be amazing if we could achieve this. We will talk in more depth over the next month about it and see if anyone else wants to join us. If not we'll look too register for it about March time. Let the training begin my friend. Anyone else?

Gym sessions went well last week. Just doing light sessions last week and this. Serious stuff starts next week.

Guitar practise has started. Just learning cords. No electric guitar yet. Will work on that. Just going through the sore fingers stage. Had a really good .com website recommended to me called justinguitar. This guy called Justin takes you through all the basics you need to know. Haven't looked at it extensively yet but I'm using him as my tutor to get me started. So far so good. Will start my practise for today once finished this. 15 mins 2-3 times a day for now to toughen up my fingers then will get down to business with it.

No thoughts of gambling whatsoever. Better things to do with my time.

Last night went to the cinema with my wife to watch The Impossible. Oh My God!!! If you have kids I defy you not to cry or get choked up watching this film. Barely a dry eye in the cinema. What a powerful moving film. Can't remember the last time I got so choked up over a movie. I'm not afraid to shed a tear here and there if the moment gets me and this movie got me in places big time. Kept thinking about my little boy. Go see the film. It's a true story about a family caught up in the 2004 Tsunami that hit Asia. It's set in a resort in Thailand that was hit. Worth watching in my opinion.

Not much doing today. Shopping this morning. Nearly time to get my little one from school then cooking dinner for the family later.

There will be no gambling today! Have a great week everybody.

G

Hi Sadg

You really are in a positive place at the moment and so great to hear !

I will check out the trek details you sent me ! not discussed it with the wife yet 😉 lets see what she says, probably that i am mad like you said.

I am watching the impossible tonight, so i let you know what i think. No gambling today again for me too, so many other good things in my life, just as you said.

Dark Place

G-Unit,

Been keeping an eye on you buddy and think you're on 59 days ? Top man.

Glad to see you've made a start on the axe. You'll have "chops" like Satch in no time with Dark place's assistance. I'm yet to get started but it's on it's way 🙂

So, I thought this one might interest you. It's a song that been close to me for a while but I've just associated the lyrics with gambling. See what you think ? It's Warren Haynes and Derek Trucks. See link first and then link with lyrics below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UauECrCIYl8

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/…band/old+friend_20765343.html

Let me know what you think. Glad to see your doing well and sorry to read about your father.

Bilko

Hey G things are sounding good! The Everett trek sounds amazing! Something to work towards!

A few months ago I entered a race in Melbourne called " tough mudder" it is a 20 km race with obstacles and challenges at every km. training for it has been a huge incentive and distraction. I run the race on Saturday so will keep you posted!

Sounds like you are doing well

Luke

G.

Fella what better metaphor could a man in recovery find.

"i am through recovery going to for an amazing cause climb a mountain. "

My friend i simply cannot think of many better ways to inspire yourself.

To give back unconditionally will i hope serve to strengthen your resolve.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hello mate

Just popping in to see how you are, haven't heard from you in a while, I take it all is well, I find that I can go without posting on my diary for a few days at a time which I don't know wether it's a good thing or bad, hope your well

Simmo

Hi sadg brilliant stuff mate been away and bit lost but back now keep it up mate your doing great 🙂

Day 62

Cracked the 2 months mark and feeling great. Still can't seem to find the time to get little jobs done around the house but that's mainly because I'm occupying my time with gym, work and family. Hardly any urges any more and just don't think about gambling these days which is great.

Have been pleasantly surprised by the messages I've received about my planned trek next year. Thanks everyone.

It's now 6.30 in the morning, just finished work so need to sleep. Will log back in later. Have a great day everyone.

G

Sleep well sadg, will catch up with you later. I am just behind you with 2 months.... i have little or zero urges any more either ! lets hope its stays that way. Good to see bear is back 🙂

My daughter is only 20 but I pay more in bank loans against my gambling losses than she earns in a month of tough full time work. She thinks its great come payday and she has her wages. I see payday as just any other day. I can't spend the money that's there. It comes in and it goes out to the banks the very next day. I have about £150 to myself each week after all outgoings. I have to cover my sons travel to college, general shopping for me when in London, general shopping when back in the village with my wife, unforeseen expenses etc. It's tricky but ok though. This is what I've given myself for the foreseeable future if we're going to save any money and get the bank balance looking respectable. I'm actually better without money. If I can get the loans paid off earlier then great, then I really would be in a good situation to improve the balance. I have my gym membership and my guitar to keep me company.

I honestly can't believe my wife hasn't questioned this more. I have always handled our finances and she's pretty oblivious too it all but our spending has ground to a halt. I was that sad gambler who treated her when i was on a winning streak, going out blowing money on the kids but when I'd blown it all again plus wages I'd tell her it was a bad month at work and we'd have to tighten our spending etc. oh the lies, the shame of it all. I've told her there's no money being saved. She either suspects I've been gambling again and hasn't said anything( probably because I'm a lot happier and nicer these days since quitting gambling) or really does think we're struggling. Hate the fact she doesn't know the truth. I'm proud of myself for making it past 60 days gamble free but I'm just not ready to share my nightmare with her. I'm trying to protect her I think. I'm in recovery and that's all that matters. She hasn't asked me if all this cutting back is a result of more gambling losses. Everyone is struggling these days.

I told her I was an addicted gambler 2 years ago but I don't think she ever understood what I was doing to myself and us as a family. To this day she never asks me how I am, how gambling affects me now and in the past, do I have any urges. She just accepted I'd blown the money and thought I'd stopped just like that. I'm disappointed she never tries to talk to me about it. It's like she just doesn't care. She doesn't know I slipped last year and lost a load of money again. To be honest if I'd continued gambling till the account was empty I'd have had to have told her but thankfully I saw the light just in time and we still have some savings so that particular conversation has never taken place. I soooo want her to know and understand my addiction and to show her this diary. The stronger I get I may just think what the hell tell her and see what happens. I may get a slap in the face for being such an almighty ****head but I believe our marriage is more than strong enough to survive. I think it's more the shame that stops me from telling her. Truly ashamed I slipped last year and in such a big way. That will not be happening again. I'm on a new path these days.

Duncan mentioned this week on his thread that his wife will be leaving a message on his thread when he hits the year mark next week. I love that. Really looking forward to reading what she has to say. Hope everyone roars Duncan to this amazing stage in his recovery. I dream of a year gamble free and the person I will be then.

Life is better without gambling. Good luck everyone. Stay strong.

G

Wow G quite an emotional and difficult piece to read! Normally your posts are so positive.

Recovery is always going to be hard! Every day I think of the money I have blown, the debts I have to pay back and the things I could have done or had. Worst of all is all the lies I have spun. I lost a girlfriend ... At one time the love of my life but we grew apart a lot probably to do with gambling.

Reading you post I wonder if telling your wife could be a good positive thing. It is something you want to do and a person from which you wish to get support. If she doesn't realise how gambling has you licked, maybe a real heart to heart and a read of you diary would help,her understand.

On a more positive note I am really pleased you have remained gamble free and are smashing through the days!

Luke

Thanks so much for being so open and honest in your own diary and encouraging me in mine. Just what I need when I feel outfaced as know it only takes me a few seconds to undo all the hard work of weeks.

Similar situation with my daughter and son who work and I find the guilt is the hardest thing not to look back on but that feeling vanishes into the ether when the gambling devil is upon me.

Like the comparison to a hobby I am no good at, just hate the feeling of being beaten by something even though we all know we can never win when gambling, trouble is it's so easy to do. Used to love weight training and stone carving and more but major mobility probs making it diff to find things I enjoy - here's me making excuses again.

Thanks again and enjoy your lovely family and be happy and strong.

xxx