scothed's diary

Hi mate,

I am back on the wagon myself, after a three week binge. Your thoughts sound like they came out of my head, how can we be so good at justifying it to ourselves? If only I could convince myself to go to the gym so easily!

What's made you stop this time if you don't mind me asking?

I managed to get on here before getting into any more debt this time, I started with a couple hundred and turned it into a grand, was determined I was going to stop at 2k but never made it that far, then I told myself it would be 900 then 800,700,600 until the whole lot was gone.

It definitely helps knowing there are others who do the same.

Good luck

R

No thanks for the reply mate.

I stopped out of shame. My Gran recently passed away and left me some money. I've now squandered that money and feel lower than ever.

It's almost like I've reached the limit of just how much I can hate myself.

It's not about the cash though, I'm fairly lucky in that respect. I have a decent job and some savings which I'm cashing in to pay off the credit card. It's the lack of control and the psychological struggle.

I'm at work at the moment and a meeting has been cancelled so I've got an hour of free time. I'd normally be betting on some football on my phone but it's taking some willpower to not think about it.

I think the key is to realise this is a life long struggle but it has to be fought a day at a time.

Good luck to you too mate. Stay strong.

Alright mate? How's it going?

Alright mate,

Yeah good thanks. I had a really stressful day at work yesterday and the urge to gamble resurfaced but I managed to resist it.

How's it going with you?

It's ok, went out for a few beers last night and managed to stay off the fruities so pretty chuffed with myself for that, I wish I could be in a place where I didn't have to congratulate myself for it though. Wish I could just be normal and put in a fiver and then walk away. Just wired differently to most folks I suppose.

I know what you mean. I'd love to be able to just put a couple of quid on an accy for the football on the weekend, but I know it's not something I would be able to control. £1 becomes £2, becomes £5 and before you know it spirals out of control.

It's good that you won a victory last night though. That's what this is, a daily battle. Each day is the potential for a new victory.

Agreed, NT.

That cuts right to the heart of it.

It's been a full week since I last gambled. It's been a tough old week to say the least, not in that I've craved gambling but in that when I've been stressed I would normally turn to gambling as a release. I've not been able to do that.

I've not been that stressed this week in fairness, just on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday but today has been ok.

I work in an office and there is a lot of pressure on us at the moment. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail for obvious reasons but the industry I work in has had a huge overhaul in the last year or so and we are all under an immense amount of pressure. It just boils over sometimes.

Friday was the worst day of the week. I was almost ready to snap. I think one more little thing and I would have exploded. Thankfully, I took a healthier approach and vented verbally to my girlfriend and parents. Me and my girlfriend then spent the evening smashing through season four of Game of Thrones while eating junk food!

Saturday and Sunday are the big days with a lot of football being played. I would normally be glued to the screen of my smartphone checking the games from the Asian and Australian games in the morning, to the German games in the early afternoon, to the UK games and then the Spanish, Italian and Portuguese games in the evening, followed by the South American games in the early hours of the morning before it all starts again.

Well one week is down. Another week is ahead of me. I've said to a few other people on here that the fight against gambling additiction is a life long war. Each day is a battle. In war you will not win every battle. The key is to win more battles than you lose, and to make sure when you do lose that the losses are as small as possible.

You know what, none of us are perfect. Life happens.

Congrats on getting to the 7 day point buddy. I just KNOW this week will be easier for all of us without the lure of cheltenham and everyone at work talking about betting all the time.

When my Mrs got back today she wanted to know what I had done with my morning, it was apparent that I hadn't been very productive. She doesn't know I have a gambling problem. All I did was sit on my backside and read these forums, I didn't gamble a penny. To me this is a lot more productive than hoovering, it's not her fault, it's my choice to keep her in the dark after all. So what's my point?

My point is this. It made me realise how hard we try without anyone ever knowing.You my friend have achieved something incredible, nobody knows how much you have achieved, how can they until they have been through the highs and lows that we have. So you have my utmost respect, I know how long this week has been for you, and I know about the dark thoughts and the temptation.

From one brain scrambled compulsive gambler to another I salute you sir.

Thanks mate 🙂

I'm still finding it tough to find things to "fill the void" but it will come I hope.

I agree with what you say about being productive - working on you is better, and more important, at this stage than housework.

However, immersing yourself in "normality" can be helpful in its own way.

Another day won. The score now is 8 (days won) - 0 (days lost).

Good going mate. Reading your first post I learned you have been through months before without betting. I would be interested to hear if you have a strategy for giving up for good? I have had long periods of abstinence before but always fall back in. There is a lot of good information on here about quitting short term but I can't find much about quitting long term. Maybe they should move us all to Outer Mongolia? there can't be much action out there!

still early days. keep working at it. Keep those posts coming!

Thanks Triangle 🙂

@tryinghard - when I've given up for long periods it has been through honesty with those around me, in particular my girlfriend.

I know this is not possible for everyone though.

I'm also the sort of person that needs to be doing something. I'm a published author as well as holding down a "real" job but haven't written In ages because gambling has taken over.

Now I'm spending a lot of brain power not gambling. I'm trying to find things to fill the time up because ultimately I gambled because of boredom and stress.

It's a horrible cycle; stress because I'm not doing what I want or need to. The stress leads to gambling as a release. This stops me from doing what I want to do as it takes over. And so it continues. If I do the things I want to do; read, write or update my website then I stop the habit at the source.

Sounds like a you have a good handle on it buddy. I am self employed and have found a complete new lease of life as far as my business is concerned.

Very interested in your writing, what do you write? before I fell off the wagon I had the first 25,000 terrible words of the worst book in the world typed up. I was getting the biggest kick doing it but somewhere along the line I lost my way, started gambling again and haven't touched it for weeks. I have always wanted to write a book, I don't care if nobody ever reads it, it's just something I want to achieve.

I am going to go and look at it again now.

Thanks mate!!