Something's got to change.

Day 2 and no problems so far, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Financially things are now not good and I'm feeling sick over how I need to buy a home but have no money for it.

I caved in but won £300 and ended up £250 down!

I need to stop this madness. It's ruining everything.

Things have not been going well and I'm still here trying to get started again. There is, it would seem, a clear trigger for what makes me gamble, life. When I thought everything was going well it was easy to stay away and cope with day to day life. Just before Christmas things kind of fell apart and life became difficult, complicated and stressful. To deal with this it would seem I seek the escape or instant rush from gambling but with the obvious side affect of losing all my money and actually making life worse.

So now here I am at 0630 awake and stressed with no money left and things don't look good. I have to beat this and get back to that good place where I was last year. This can't go on because I basically can't afford it and I don't want it to, but I just don't know how to stop myself.

Think I'll start with self exclusion from the new websites I've been using and take it from there.

It really is time for a New Start because in one way or another my past can't continue and I want to change on my terms not because my failings have caught up with me and forced life to change, possibly for the worse if I let this continue.

I have to beat this and today really is day one.

Hi NS

Every day is day 1 for me. Yesterday has gone we can do nothing about it. Today is the most important day of our lives. Live today in the day and keep it very simple. I try to complicate things and that is when I set myself up for failure and thus leads to gambling. I like your heading of change it really is about altering small things in our lives and it make a massive difference overall. Keep hanging around and you'll feel better as time goes by

Thanks for commenting. Managed to get by today. Now to stay focused and get through tomorrow.

I can't cope any more. I think I'm going to have to tell me wife. I don't want to because it's going to hurt her and I never want to do that but I can't do this alone any more. It's not working. I need help. I'm just not strong enough to do this alone. I don't want to upset her because life is hard enough but I can't go on another day like this. When you contemplate jumping if a bridge because your life is so out if control and full of lies I think that's when enough is enough. Today is going to be a s**t day. But it has to be done.

I can't do it. I can't tell her. I just can't hurt her that much. I doesn't seem fair. Why should I devastate her because of my failings?

I love her too much to hurt her but I'm out if control and I can't cope with the lies anymore but I can't stop. Where do I go from here? I need help but I don't know where to go. I can go on alone any more.

Well I told her. In fact I showed her this diary and she's taken it very well and is being really supportive. She's really P***** off about the debts which is understandable but she's going to stick with me.

I'll continue to self exclude from any websites I've used she'll keep an eye on the bank account to check up on me which is all I need from her. Feeling ashamed of myself but really relieved. At last I'm not in my own and maybe this is the thing I really needed to do all along. Let's see. For certain today is a big day and now we are going to really get through this.

I'm simon and I'm a gambling addict and I really, really love my wife. X

It's been a big day and I've survived. Feeling more positive than ever and it's pretty much down to managing to share my problems with my wife. Went to the pub and not even remotely tempted. I won't let you down honey. X

2 days in and still surviving.

Feel so much better after being completely honest with my wife. Now just to keep this new positivity up and not let her or myself down again.

It just seems so ridiculous that we'd go to the cinema and I get annoyed at a 75p booking fee but would then go and waste £200 in half an hour.

You priorities and sense of proportion are so messed up when you're gambling. I moan that my wife leaves a light on or turns the heating up while I'm sat there flushing all our hard earned money down the toilet. I feel like such an A*******.

Still, things are looking better and brighter now. Just hope this can continue.

New Start,

Glad to read that you are feeling good after telling your wife about your gambling troubles. Now your journey can really take off. You have the chance to prove to your wife and most importantly yourself that you can recover from this awful addiction.

Let those days build up and you will allow a whole new level of happiness and peace enter your life. When this happens you really start to notice and appreciate the things your have once again.

I wish you well.

Tomso.

Thanks guys. Feeling quite positive at the moment and long may it last. It's such a relief to share your problem with some one who you love but also a massive incentive to not let them down. I've tried to remove any way of me hiding gambling from her so even if I feel weak I know I won't be able to hide it.

I hope this is finally the end of this horrible period of my life and the start of a happy future.

One week in and going strong. Feeling a bit tired and tearful but don't feel like or have no intension of gambling ever again.