Another relapse is over. So I need to get things out of my chest here a bit. At first, I thought I was in control and I was able to stop when I won but eventually compulsion kicked in and it all went back to the old way. Also I can't simply balance my life such social, work, finance if I am gambling. Yeah I am depressed now. The hardest thing about quitting is I am always alone and bored. I kind of hate myself now.
Also I have tried my ways and many times. All the sport games results and online roulette results are very random. And I tried to beat them with system. I can't simply win in the long run. Plus there is a compulsive mind of a gamble and anger when loss. I have tried many times to dicipline myself on betting but I always failed at the end. Now I am so scared my next urges knock the door again. It seems like everytime a relapse ends.. it not only takes my money but also mental strength. Each time.. my mental strength lessens and depression gets worse.
keywords here: depression, self-hate, defeated, another money loss.
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