I start my counselling today, proper 1:1 counselling. I guess i am holding out a lot of hope on this. I had a bad day yesterday - I blew £200 on the FOBT, all before 9:30am. Leading to a totally s**t day. But I now have no money until the end of the month, I have excluded myself from all online accounts and I want to make this work. I have a wonderful wife and two great little lads. It is time to put my demons behind me.
This is day 1 of me being gamble free
Burko
Welcome to recovery.
For me you have a great opportunity in the next 18days, put into place as many things as you can to prevent you feeding addiction the moment funds become available. A much wiser fella than me said it takes 21 days to break a habit and a life commitment to face addiction.
I hope you find your counselling productive and it helps you find your honest self within.
For me recovery is a gift,one only we can take for ourselves,it's the one selfish act that will have a profound effect on many.
I hope you get as much from your thread as I do my own.
Abstain and maintain.
Duncs
Thanks Duncanmac
I found the counselling difficult to be honest, opening up to a stranger was hard. It was a lot to get off my chest and i felt very emotional at the end of the session. Hoping to keep progressing with it though.
Best wishes to you
Still gamble free. Wife is away today and tonight, I am looking after my boys. Really looking forward to the afternoon. Going to watch the football and have some family time, not me standing in a bookies at a FOBT.
Good luck to everyone else
Survived all weekend without feeding the evil machines. I am broke, I have debt, but I feel freer then i have felt in any time in the last 5 years i think. Had a great weekend with my kids and loved not thinking about the bookies
Another day down with no gambling. Feeling beter about my self
Made it through another day without feeding the gambling habit. Counselling tonight. Feeling good about myself from that perspective.
I decided to take a loan out from the bank to pay off my debts. I am not sure this is the right thing to have done, but I feel a weight off my shoulders knowing that I have repaid friends and family. I have not yet revealed to them that I am a gambling addict. I feel the shame will be too great and i am frightened of what they will think. I think this is one thing to discus with the counsellor.
As ever, best wishes to everyone on this forum. This sickness is horrible x
First real test today, having a s**t time at work this afternoon, stressful and a desire to gamble is hitting me strongly. Can't get it out of my head at the moment. Am very glad I have self excluded all casino accounts and have no cash cards with me. My mind is running away with me though
I managed to avoid it. A key thing was the lack of cash cards. Phew. I would have gone to the bookies otherwise.
Funnily, the sense of relief when I relised I did not have a cash card was palpable. That told me that I really did not want to go to the bookies at all.
I let myself down and gambled at the casino. Lost £500.
Devastating.
Have decided to go away for a few days to pull myself together
Hi Burko,
I am not one to preach being only 8 days gamble free. however, I have actually realised that the money is not coming back, it is gone, there is one sure way of getting into more trouble and that is gambling.
Give yourself a break mate as it will definately make you feel poorly if you carry on gambling and your health is more important than any money in the world.
Take Care
Doggy.
I've gone 6 days gamble free now and today is the seventh. The money has gone. But the future is brighter now.
One day at a time..
Havent heard from you for a while. Hows it going?
Disasterously.
The counselling was not good. I had a great assessment, really opened up to the counsellor and felt really positive. Then I was allocated a counsellor who I could not relate with, who was no help to me. I relapsed, I relapsed very badly. I have a loan to cover my initial debt but I am still gambling.
But you came back here and posted... so as bad as things are right now you still want help.
Try and get into the routine of posting or at least reading other diaries on here every day. Speak to someone on netline. Get all your thoughts down in black and white on here, trust me there will be active users on here that will have walked a similar path to that which you find yourself on just now, and some of those people will have turned things around.
What's done is done, you cannot change the past. Try to keep the focus on today.
Take care mate.
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