STAR'S DIARY-WITH MY HAND ON MY HEART

Star, you have to let those losses go, they are not going to come back, the stakes are just too high, until you do let them go, you will find it hard to move forwards, What's done is done, time now to feel proud of yourself, jeez, you have done an amazing 36 days of actually winning, not going to lie, these shameful thoughts will keep coming through, but the longer we abstain, the quicker they go, listen we got hooked line and sinker, but I know you want recovery, so just keep slowly but surely pushing forwards, the relief of recovery far outweighs those ridiciulous thoughts from that horrible addiction.

Keep venting your thoughts and keep strong and safe and ofcourse keep winning for real

Suzanne xxx

Hey star I remember when you said you were going to stop going to that place! and here you are 36 whole days later and although at times you have struggled you have not gave in!! That is terrific! You need to start packing all those past memories into a little box and lock it away now and you can start looking forward to many happy gf days ahead, much love wcid xx

A lazy Echoing of all the posts above.

Sometimes we have to lose everything, to realise we probably had it all along. So that leaves us with the here and now, and thats a step forward. Keep moving, even if its inch by inch going upwards and onwards.....

Keep pushing the hand Star...........

How are you doing Star, ? feeling stronger today I hope, remember these negative thoughts don't last long,

Keep pushing through and keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you all 🙂 I'm good today. Had a friend round for most of the day just catching up on life.. Not my 'secret' life of course. My friends would think I had lost the plot if they knew what I have done. I have another friend coming round in the morning so that's tomorrow pretty much sorted too..... The weekend is getting closer but I'm away so it defo should be a gamble free one! Xx

Hi star, thanks for posting on my diary. Well done to you aswell!! Can't believe we are neighbors! Happy stalking lol

DAY 37!! 3 days until the big 40. Has it gone fast? Sometimes I think yes but other times I think my god it's dragged!! I find myself trying to find things to keep me busy, to keep my mind occupied, something anything that's not going to make me think of that place!! I popped into Tesco today to buy a frying pan for pancake day. £18!!! Really? That's 36 spins on my machine, that was my thought but then I remembered that I don't do that anymore so I bought the frying pan. It felt so good. I bought something I needed and didn't just make do because I wanted to spend the money elsewhere!!! That tefal frying pan will probably last me for years and years, that £18 probably would have lasted me 5 minutes if I was lucky. I've decided that from now on I WILL buy all the things that I need. Things I've made do without for so long because of my own selfish needs. Oh! I also bought a new mattress today. No more springs digging into me every time I move lol. It's safe to say that this month I am skint but totally for all the right reasons. If next month I'm skint again but again because of good cause then so be it. Ive thrown so much money away and been miserable, it's time to get back up grab the bull by the horns and try to be happy as I can be. Screw that place! It's not going to get me down any longer. Funny how emotions change from day to day huh? Today is a strong day. Today is a positive day and I hope tomorrow veil be too! Friends, with my hand on my heart I will not be gambling tomorrow.. Oh no no no no no!!!!! Xxx star xxX

Another fantastic post there Star,

You could even use the frying pan to whack s**t out of the machines if you like. You'd kill 2 birds with one stone as they would probably ban you for life. Win' win. 🙂

Your doing a grand job with keeping that hand placed firmly on the heart, rather than a machine....

37 days gf star is brilliant hope I can say the same in 31 days. I totally get what you mean about buying things for yourself. I think how much for a pair of shoes or new coat. I wanted a new coat over Christmas and I said to oh I'm not paying that much but then spends hundreds on online slots what a mug I am. But going forward I am 6 days gf feeling very drained and emotional but keeping strong. Take care xx

Thank you volcano and merc 🙂 oh believe me I have wanted to smash the thing many many many times!!! Merc you are doing great! I know it's hard Hun but we have to push through those urges. I have deprived myself since this addiction started... It's time to start living! Xxx

Hey star...hope the pancakes were good : )....it's weird ..how we fed machines every penny we had and yet would never spend money on what we needed...sad ! but we've changed that now my love....and we are the winners....hope your ok xx

DAY 38!!! Not much to report today. Had a friend visit in the morning and of course there was no talk of gambling, that's just MY dirty little secret. Had Physio session then was taxi to the kids most of the afternoon!! I did hear from my gambling 'friend' that she won £850 yesterday... Like I reallyyyyy wanted to know that! When I asked how much she had spent this last week the answer was £900+ so really she isn't a winner at all. This is just loaned to her and I can assure you that by this time next week she will have nothing left!!! I guess it gave me a little trigger and for an hour or so it got me thinking of the place and I almost missed it but I just had to remind my little mind that I will never be a winner. It's not fun anymore. It's stressful and it's tiring and I cannot win because once I start I can not stop!!! i will continue to remind myself of that and hopefully one day all this madness will stop 🙂 with my hand on my heart I promise tomorrow will be another good day xx Star

Hi, Star,

Sorry to hear of your friend causing you problems. Didn't you get that sort of thing in the context of your kids? Mother's rivalry? I was struggling to get one of mine out of nappies and SuperMum kept going on about what a doddle it had been to train her child. Or SuperMum's had a much better time of it with exam results/ teenage behaviour etc.

The obvious advice is to find a real friend, maybe easier said than done. And yes, having read extensive bank statements, she will have deposited a lot more than she ever "won".

Look after yourself, stay safe,

CW

Morning Star...welcome to day 39! As you know, you're friend hasn't really won. Whether she's up or down right now, it's only gambling tokens that she'll eventually give back. Gambling isn't about the loss of money...it's about the loss of all the other things. You spent your time with real people (not a machine), doing real, worthwhile things, being there for the people in your life. The friend lost because she was cooped up, without even a window to look out of, wasting precious hours of her life that she'll never get back. Her feelings of despair, resentment, guilt and remorse won't be gone any time soon but yours will. To me, that makes you the true winner 🙂

LifeBegins x

Hey star...you're doing great....your friend is the looser....and you are now the winner...doing the normal mum things that you have been doing are what life is about...sometimes boring I know....but it's what us mums do....time with them is precious ....time with those dam machines is not....they won't look back in 20 yrs time and say...thanks for being there mum....our kids will....and that's why we will never win by gambling.....a machine...that's all they are....we can and will beet them....by staying gamble free....have a good day love....I'm off to hospital to be with my oldest daughter while she has my grandson....that's what lives about....xxxc