STAR'S DIARY-WITH MY HAND ON MY HEART

One week Star, well done you.

Suzanne xx

One week Star. Well done

Hi Star and congratulations on your first week back on track , big well done !.

Take care

Thank you guys! One whole week. 7 whole days. It feels good but yesterday and today has been a struggle. I need to remember that the people in that place are not my true friends. True friends wouldn't let me destroy myself that way. True friends wouldn't wait for me to leave then jump on MY machine to win the hundreds of pounds I have just put in. I've used it as an excuse sooo many times, just going to see my 'friends' for a coffee.... I speak to them for 5 minutes while having a cigarette then off we would trott in different directions to our own machines. It amazes me how something can change your life so much. How something you would never entertain before can become such a big part of your life. Wouldn't it be great to have a rewind button, go back, delete and start again. One day I shall be free of all this nonsense but until that day I'm going to sign off by saying with my hand on my heart I will not be gambling tomorrow-star xxxx

Well done you keep it up girl prove them so called friends wrong

Hi Star.

Just wanted to say well done for getting through your first week gamble free and riding out those urges. That takes some doing!

Take care and look after that heart of yours!

Feb.

Hi guys! Thank you all for your encouragement so far-you are all diamonds xx

Hey star it's day 8 the first day of week two! Go you xx

Day nine star double digits tomorrow! xx

Day@atime I hope and pray that this will work..... I missed posting on day 7 and 8 due to a technical error. Here's hoping that my day 9 post will be successful lol. I have struggled the past couple of days. Weekends are always the worst for me. It's my time. Chill out time which for me, up to now has meant being sat by a slot machine! I've paced up and down my living room, walked in circles around my kitchen, you name it I've done it this weekend other than gambled. I've also been irritable and moody and of course extremely snappy. If I'm honest I did think about going but I knew that it would end in tears. I think I've lost enough to realise that I am a loser. I'm a bad gambler. Apparently a s**t one too!!! Anyway, have any of you ever thought that the managers in a casino can flick a switch behind their very secretive desks? I've wondered this for a very long time for a few reasons. I have been going to the casino long enough to figure out that slot machines DO NOT pay out on a Sunday morning. They play dead! Come 2pm they start paying out bits n bobs and the tunes are going off everywhere! Strange huh. They say they are random but I don't believe that anymore. A little story for you..... There are 7 slot machines in a row at the casino. All seats were taken and I had one of them. None of the machines were doing anything at all. You put a £20 note it, you were lucky to get £2.50 back. Anyway, one became vacant and a lady sat down. She was a celebrity. ( this is true by the way!) she was doing panto near by and ended up in the casino afterwards. She was playing 50p a spin ( maybe panto didn't pay well, or she had sense lol) and on her first £20 she won £800. Now remember these machines were doing nothing prior to her turning up... On her next £20 she won another £400. That was £1,200 in a matter of 20 minutes or so. She got up, put a reserved sign on her machine and went to collect her cash. She returned five minutes or so later and stuck another twenty in.... And won another £500! Even she said 'it's not normal for this to happen, is it?' She had management all over her. She didn't pay for one drink, or her food and was handed complimentary vouchers left, right and centre. Was that right? Is my money not the same colour as hers? Why was I paying £1 every time I wanted a coffee? I've sat in there on that chair for 12 hours straight before and spent £15 on just coffees let alone soft drinks and something to eat. What makes her so different to me? But most importantly why was it only her machine paying out? So you see, I do believe that the management can do 'something'. I don't know what exactly but it's definitely something! As I'm laying in bed writing this, I can hear the tunes of the different slots in my head. Sometimes I close my eyes and squeeze them shut to try get rid of the sounds. The inventors are very clever people-must be very rich too. I didn't realise this was going to be this hard. It's a constant battle with my brain, but I guess this is what is expected right? Tomorrow I reach double digits. 10 whole days without blowing any money although in fairness I don't have any to blow! I've not gained anything as I am too busy playing catch up but the main thing is I haven't gotten myself into any more debt. For now I am a little proud of me and I hope I can continue to be for many days to come. My friends, with my hand on my heart I will make it to day 10 gamble free. Star xxx

Great post Star I ain't got a ckuyhow they work the only thing I know keep playing them eventually you will lose.

Casinos are a place if only been twice and was never a issue it was more a social thing so u don't know do they have an exclusion policy like the bookies might be worth doing if they do will make it harder to act on them urges

KTF

Be more than a little proud, you are making great progress. During my early weeks away from fobts I could vividly remember how the ball would roll for each of the numbers I chose. I could remember the sounds and often wondered how "random" they are. Over time I realised that it didn't really matter to me, the sounds faded and now i associate the machines with what they really are ... a way of spending money I dont have, wasting time I could be using effectiveky and a way of wasting my life. I now dont focus on the past and enjoy the benefits of recovery. What you are remembering is just part of recovery. It will fade and whether they are at the mercy of a button will become irrelivant. Well done on your first 9 days and enjoy double figures!

Machines are created by humans and will only do as you instruct them and you have absolutely no control over it...only the person with the remote control does...the only thing that you can control is not to throw any of your hard earned money into it...keep strong you are doing really well...and we'll done con 10 days...day by day and it will get easier....I am absolutely sure of it..

Welcome to day 10 star xx

Go Star - double figures.

Best wishes x