Start Living Again

Well done on making your first step to recovery.

Hello Manupnow

I hope you are finding reading posts and diaries and using the chat room helpful.

Advisors will listen to your concerns and be able to give you information on support available to you our free phone number is 08 08 80 20 133.

Please also find a link here information for problem gambling and the steps you can take when stopping http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/yourself#.Vlt1zXbhAdU

Caroline

5 days gamble free.

had day off work, and gt a few more things done. not sure i have really started living again as my diary title suggeste, moreover i have just replaced gambling with reading anything and everything I can find on problem gambling and its treatment. Here, Ga forum, independent research, etc etc....

I need to start a few slightly more healthy pursuits too of course, just been understandably preoccupied with starting stopping...

I have managed to self exclude on some online sites , done a few other lists of stuff, havent yet got to booking counseling or GA meeting and not sure which will be more suited.. I have talked to a close friend and my brother a little more and its encouraging they have faith i can beat this.

Work tomorrow and its a little worrying because i always have time , money and location (i will elaborate later maybe why this is so), but i absolutely dont feel like gambling probably because of the guilt and not wnating to let the people i have confided in down, but i realise i need more positive outllook longterm and not just ... not wantng to fail anyone

Good luck everyone in their own challenges.

Day 6 no gambling

Tuesday usually a night with friends at poker in the casino, which turns to blackjack and roullette too. Many a Tuesday ive done my brains in refusing to leave til i cant get any more cash ... not tonight. Just made my excuses. was thinking of GA meeting tonight but after had tea,did a few other bits and pieces was going to be to the wire if i made the meeting on time and it was a 15 mile drive. last thing i want is to walk in when its already commenced given i am already bricking it about going anyway.. so i am looking at alternate meeting this thursday.

watched the footy half heartedly... would normally spice up a game i have no real interest in with some bets.. not anymore. I have decided one of my ways of safe escapism is going to be reading.. tried a few chapter of a book ive been meaning to read for ages the other night and enjoyed it, but relaise i need some specs. funny how i have been so preoccupied with gambling that i hadnt even took notice of fact my eyesight is undoubtedly deteriorating. Booked an eye test for thursday.

Made a point of telling brother and a friend I am still gamble free.

Nothing much else to report.

Hi manupnow,

​the meeting will be fine, nothing to really worry about, just a bunch of folk who have walked in your shoes. Its basically a virtual version of this. Every bit of advice you hear on here has come from GA. If you hate it ni one will force you to stay. Just go with an open mind and I'm sure you will find it helps

​

day@atime wrote:

Hi manupnow,

​the meeting will be fine, nothing to really worry about, just a bunch of folk who have walked in your shoes. Its basically a virtual version of this. Every bit of advice you hear on here has come from GA. If you hate it ni one will force you to stay. Just go with an open mind and I'm sure you will find it helps

​

yes i am sure it will be... just a few butterflies thats all. going different venue on thursday now. Thanks

Day 7 No gambling today ! mini milestone in that its a week.

Was strong today in the face of a fair few opportunities to gamble. Was using a combo of cant win because i cant stop which seems so insightful... and dont let the people down who have shown some faith in you.. Theres a touch of dont let yourself down, but im not in love with myself too much atm... that will come.

spent ten quid on a little treat, a reading lamp... i know ive barely done a thing to deserve it this early, but one of my main diversions and use of time is going to be cracking on with some reading lists. eye test tomorrow too as its not what it used to be my sight... Could argue im seeing things more clearly than ever befofe... groan ...

laters all, and happy gamble free lives.

Day 8 no gambling.

kept busy today. went to library, had a haircut, got my eyes tested and specs due to be ready next week.

and wait for it... went to my first GA meeting this evening. Even then i very nearly didnt go in as it was in a leisure centre and i couldnt figure out which room it was in. was all but giving up, and a little voice inside my head said swallow your pride, so i marhed up to desk nd asked if i could be pointed to the room GA were meeting in... and in i went. Obviously they were all lovely , not at all judgemental , and had walked or were walkng in my shoes. I got quite emotional which i hadnt expected but no one seemed to mind at all... meetings are monday and thursday. early days to say i have bought right in, so lets just go and keep sharing and talking and listening...

Thanks

Really excellent news! Really proud of you pal. Those meetings will save you as long as you keep going. I guarantee anyone who goes to then regularly will quit. It's impossible to sit infront of a group of people and bs so it makes you stick to the plan. My life is very complicated at the moment but if it wasn't if be there every week without fail. Well done.

Day 9 and 10 in the bag. No gambling.

Thanks for the comment and support change, and anyone else reading. its appreciated.

I made a short post about day 9 but think I put it in 100 day challenge thread. Anyway was another winning day of not gambling, I wnet across to lakes to pickup my kids, journey was awful as weather bad and spme lorry had been blown on its side. Bit stressful, but at least I was clear in conscience and was great to get kids and get back to north east safe and sound.

Day 10 went swimming, watched some telly, chilled had nice home cooked meals (well i cooked it so ok maybe at best). Kids went to church with their gran this morning and I take them back to their mum later today. Wasnt a zombie for once and felt good.

Having sunday lunch before we set off today and confident I neither have time, but more importnantly neither want to gamble today.

I dont want to appear complacent or smug, as its very early and i just dont want to gamble, but that isnt to say i havent had urges and in fact though i thought i would sleep better now I am actually making steps towards recovery, thats not the case I have so much churning around in my head its unreal. Onwards and upwards and one day at a time is all i can do for now though.

Day 11 - sunday and no gambling

Day 12 monday and no gambling. traveled across to lakes to take kids home. this trip cancelled sunday due to the horrible weather they have had in north west. journey was a bit longer still on monday, but safely got kids there, then went out for tea with them. stayed over and traveled back tuesday.

day 13 no gambling. another travel day. updated my friend in skype and confirmed still gamble free, also short text and a quick call with my brother. discussed the ga meeting and how that went, and that i will be going again this week, i might start to get to two a week but so far its just been one as i really have been ultra busy, but with posiitve things.

good luck in your gamble free lives. thanks if anyone is following.

Day 14 gamble free.. two weeks well its a start.

ga meeting tomorrow which i plan to attend.

had my pay since end of november and without gambling i havent spent very much of it at all. i offloaded a chunk to my ex for xmas pressies for kids and to help her pay for a ski trip for our son too. he goes with school in the new year.

maybe shouldnt have held onto it tbh nad it available, but i felt in control of my urges. i have too much to lose and i cant fail...

not much else to say it this time, will update after my ga meeting tomorrow

day 15 gamble free

was meant to attend ga meeting yesteday, met my mates down pub early, where we playing pool/darts and watching footy. couple of them know that i am in recovery, couple of them oblivious to fact i ever had a problem. got right into swing of a really good night out and had alot of fun. missed ga meeting, but managed a few chats with the friends who know and talked through some of my triggers and they confided they knew i was descending into a dark place long before i actually told them. Kind of disappointed i missed meeting i had set out to go to, but at same time i had a decent drink and didnt fall off the no gamble wagon, no fruit machine, no bet on the footy, no daft side bets on darts or pool games i wud normally have, didnt even take a number on domino card that went round... one more day in the bag

Quick Update

did online ga meeting over on their forum tonight at 8 ... obvious benefit is not having to leave the house, good chance to share and do similar to what chat on here provides too. still my intention to follow through with more face to face meetings.