Start Living Again

Day 17 no gambling

weekends i thin are that little bit tougher. so much sport on telly, if your not going out, and in my case i dotn have the kids every weekend, then its very easy to get drawn into thinking about gambling on the sport, footy, golf, whatever... I am in recovery and need ot break some of my patterns still i think. I havent gambled, but ive donw similar things to when i would gamble , like sitting watching and flicking through all the sport of the day, today footy, some horse racing and some golf... none of which i had a bet on thankfully. just turned the footy off and im going to do some reading. I need ot start some keep fit too. I also downloaded a programme to teach me how to play bridge ... i know its a card came, but it seems to be mentally stimulating and not the type that as a rule would involve wagering like poker etc.

Still early days for me, and one thing i recognise from some of the literature i have read is that i still have a habit of procrastinating rather than get on and do some of the things i know will really drive my mental recovery also. At them ninute think im too preoccupied with just booking another none gamble day, when there is so much more i could be doing.

Hi buddy ! . Your doing well , 17 days ! big well done my friend , you sound as though you know you have to change the way you think, thats what we all have to do , get into a different mindset .

Sound's like a plan to me ? , keep doing what your doing coz it's working for you !

All the best ...................................Alan

Thanks Buddy , Yeah I think it does help you to post on the diary's of others , sort of stop's all being about just your recovery then but at the same time your giving, your also getting something from that too !. It's definately helped me along the road to recovery !.

No hard and fast rules on our journey , just about what works for you !

Have a good evening , my friend

19 days - gamble free

GA meeting tonight (or at least thats the plan right now)

Family visits all starting from this wekend for xmas, looking forward to it but also bit nervous about a few things... mainly still becasue most of family and friends dont yet know im in recovery (or that i had a problem at all), and its not all selfish reasons... Dad has some medical issues of own, dont want him to be upset, similar for older brother and wife etc.. Ireally dont want anyone worrying about me when thye have their own issues and or lives to live..

At same time ive felt it ok to burden one brother with the knowledge im fighting this , and he has been so supportive. Perhaps i will talk it out at GA see what they think about who does doesnt need to know and timelines for disclosure etc.

I am in recovery and still feeling confident i can beat this. I am still mightily confused in truth about lots of things, so i think 1 day at a time is defintely best approach.

Thanks

19 days is a great start pal. And every credit for throwing yourself into recovery. It's the old way it can work. Do you mind expanding on your point about being confused? That doesn't seem apparent to me. It might help if we can explore that some more. Just want to help but if not ready to discuss I understand.

Thanks for comment and support.

day 20 gamble free.

the confusion if thats the right word is all around how to approach my recovery longterm. Short term its not easy to do, but easy to see that abstaining is currently the most important thing to do.

put another way these are all the things my brain is battling with

am i compulsive/am i not (pretty sure i am, but every now and then my brain says nah, you just lacked some direction.

do i need to go to meetings or not

do i need counselling or not

do i need barriers or not

should i tell people or shouldnt i

should i get some books/videos/other literature

do i need new friends... thats a really crazy idea ... but most of my friends gamble very regulalry do i need to rethink it

Oh and theres a bunch of other stuff about goals, purpose in life, fulfiment, and wotnot that float around

stick in there about 5 or 6 urges daily to just forget this whole recovery malarkey and just get some shortterm relief and escapism by being back in action and there you have my confused state... I AM NOT CHOOSING THIS ONE BTW !!

Wow manupnow that is a very powerful post and I can understand what you are saying now. I didn't have much confusion on a few of them as I got to the answers.

I am a compulsive gambler. Meetings were the best way to approach it but I have personal circumstances which mean I can't go at this moment. I need barriers as I've relapsed and the barriers prevent great damage. I told my wife and my best mates only. I have only recently started doing more reading on the subject. Long term I do want something more aspirational as a goal or I feel I'll just drift through life and could fall back to gambling to give me that something extra i lack.

No one can tell you the answers to these though it's just a case of working them out and seeing what's best for you. The fact your rationalising all these thoughts shows you're taking recovery seriously. Keep the faith.

Thanks for the post on my diary. To answer your question about my finances I have given my mum control over my finances. It's a big help but if I wanted to gamble then I would find a way. What's really helping me at the moment is when the urges arrive to think hard about the past. I may get a mad idea of a new system or a quick win but then I focus on how I felt when things went bad for me and all the awful memories that are stored deep away in my mind. This allows me to defeat the urge and day by day by defeating these urges life is a lot more manageable.

Thanks to you both for coming along and adding your comments, its one hell of a thing this being in recovery, but most importantly while i dont know all of the answers to my various concerns I am beginning to face up to things for the first time in many a year.. theres alot of failed recovery stories out there, but thankfully just enough breakthrough ones to give me the hope i can do this.

Thanks

Thanks for dropping by, you are doing really well so remain focused and you will soon mount up the days which will lead towards a much better stress free life.

Well done on your recovery thus far... pigs in blankets is a great shout!

27 days gamble free !

had some busy days recently. mainly family visits, finishing off work, last day today for approx a week.

Its a really good sign that i had to open the calender to count back my none gambling days as i had lost track a little, but obviously i musnt get complacent at anytime, and its definitely still very early days. Just hadnt really had time to update here and read how your all managing too.

In fact its not like it hasnt been on my mind, gambling is nearly always there somewhere. More recently its mostly thinking about not gambling and some positive ideas for future, but occasionally i find its more of the old faithful urge, telling me i would be fine to have a little go wouldnt i ? Dont worry I know the answer to this... yes it most definitely would not be fine - it would be catastrophic, plain crazy ... such a terrible idea and so on.... I would be back to square one, would have let so many people down and all for a silly itch to be scratched...

My attending GA isnt going great as only been twice, seem to find plenty reasons I cant get there, but im still not gambling so all in all i am not going to beat myself up on this front. I will attend more in the new year and i shoud also begin my 121 counselling sessions then too. I will orient towards some more positive goals then too. Surely its ok to just not be gambling day to day and manage whats needed to stay on top of this and to enjoy my xmas with friends and family .... ODAAT etc.

Thanks

Still going strong. Xmas was good in the sense that im still strong, and upto 34 days gamble free as of today.

Its both a nice and nasty time tho, evokes so many emotions of all the good things i have, but also many of the things i dont have because of my past, and im not talking just the money. the relationships and so on. but anyhow pretty much through the other side.. had lots of good family times, a tad too much drink, deffo too much food... saw my kids alot and 2016 is gonna be my year.

Day 39 gamble free.

Well xmas, new year and all family visiting and kids staying done and dusted, back to fortnightly visitation with the kids. I am pretty sure this is where it gets that bit harder in general. I have to start some positive goals and hobbies. Dont get me wrong i have been keeping occupied with more positive activity to replace my gambling, and i have been controlling urges but in truth i think its just a little bit of impetus you get when youve reached a super lowpoint and decide to go no lower, rather than lots of structured recovery work. I have made some basic blocking steps. I have not been able to pass financial control, but have limited some cash access . I have agreed on two people i am accountable to and who i update every day or other day to confirm im clean/discuss urges and progress. I have attended 2 GA meetings. I have been referred for 121 counselling with a local gamcare agency, and await my appointments. I am going to do some goals this week, now i feel i actully have some time again after things settle back to normal. Thats a new normal though without gambling and with the rest of my life to live, love, and cherish..

Thanks

Day 46 gamble free

havent been on the site for a week, but all good and been in control of any urges. Kept busy with work and play.

Play being that i had a couple of nights out with friends. Been reading for fun, one cinema trip. Had a few chats with friends about gambling , an exampe beign the massive lottery rollout which everyone was debating, they all had some tickets of course... but i was happy to declare i had no tickets, and no i didnt feel like i was missing out. Couple of friends headed of to poker one of the nights we were out, which i do admit to missing somewha, but i know that whilst the poker isnt my problem, being in a casino is, so i just calaled it a night instead.

Keeping active in a few other areas too, i will up dte more later, but really just popped on to check in to challenge and to update here