start of a long road

hey ((cat))

nice that you've started a diary.

if you feel like payday might 'test' or 'tempt' you..maybe put some roadblocks up for yourself?

good for you for self exclusion!!!! huge step!

glad you're here

xoxo

Thanks peg well just sorted out all my bills that i havn't been paying and set em up on direct debits so feel a bit better now seeing that council tax were about to take me to court just got to get thru the next 2 weeks without any cash (hopefully the last time this will happen)

well dreamt that i was playing poker online last night and woke up feeling terrible until i realised it was a dream hopefully a good thing that i felt so bad about playing even in a dream.Hopefully over the next few months i can get my life back on track start going out wi my mates again cos i'll have some cash and looking to the future debt free and not constantly thinking about winning my substantial losses back and feeling all in all better about myself.

Hello the Cat,

Couldn't agree with you more when you say

"am starting to look forward my big test i know is when i get paid in 2 weeks time"

Do the right thing with that pay and for someone in your position it's a big step in the right direction.

cheers TTNY i'm going to try my best and am determined to suceed at this

Well another night of dreaming about playing poker its in my head now 24/7.

I knew this was going to be hard but i never knew how much it had a control over my life until now.

Before i used to look forward to getting paid so that i could hit the on-line tables and now i know i cant as i am handing over my finances to a friend of mine so i feel as if i am missing out on something.

eleven days till i get paid now and counting hopefully i can see my first pay day through without feeling too empty.

I know its going to be hard but i need to do it for myself and my sanity.

Always knew it was never going to be easy but finding it really hard at the moment as a big part of my life (a bad part)is taken away from me i know the temptation will be there but determined to overcome it.

Hi the cat,

These 'dreams' often happen in the early days..they will pass.

The feelings of 'missing out' are also common, after all it has been a major(time consuming) part of your life that you have removed.

You 'need to find something to fill that time.

It is the withdrawal 'demons' that talk, trying to justify your need to gamble(even in your sleep)

Don't listen to them..they lie, but in time they become quieter and occassional..a passing thought.

The only 'real' thing you are missing out on is ...Further debt.

Be strong, keep posting

Jackie

I know how you feel you see I have made it 1 week and similar to you I also spent money on paydays. For some crazy reason I played online for the first time about last week in Feb. did not spend to much the first time. Well not same story for march I spent all our money as it came in. When it was all gone and I saw and realized what I had done it made me sick enough to say this is the end. NO MORE GAMBLING FOR ME. Cat I am beginning to see that we can only take one day at a time and that some of have to take even smaller increments of time and with the help of all the others here we will make it.

Well feeling a bit indifferent today I know I have a problem that needs sorting out but sometimes say to myself that the problem is not as serious as i deep down know it is and that i can carry on gambling without it causing me the problems it alredy has.

Thank god i dont have any money at the moment.

I think this is the bad devil part of me saying "carry on as you were you'll be fine" but when the good devil side takes over i know i cant carry on.I hope the good devil wins!

Having bad sleeping problems too dreaming about playing poker in various methods which always wakes me up then i cant go back to sleep as it is so much on my mind.If this carrys on will have to go and see the doctor i think as it can't be good for me.

Is this a common trait and a bit of cold turkey.Your comments on this would be helpful.

On the upside I am eating better now i'm not glued to the poker tables thinking that i might miss those pocket aces if i miss a hand.

Thats all for now but will be in the chat room this evening if anyone fancys a chat or cheering up a bit.

Hi

Today I have finally admitted I have a problem, on-line Casino's and Poker, left me pennyless.

Was really interested to hear about your dreams, I permanently dream I'm playing !

My finances are in a mess, don't really know what to do next ! what sort of steps have u taken ? my mums coming over tomorrow, shes having all my cards and going to help me try and budget what little money I have coming in.

Thought I would feel better getting things off my cheast but I don't just got a headache !

What are you doing to fill your time that you used to spend playing Poker ??

Emma

emma,

my dreams are so vivid too but its not just the dreams i think about it all the time.I know that this will diminish in time but i wish it would hurry up.

FINANCES

I went to see the citizens advice they were really helpful my advice is go and see them ASAP they will tell you what you best move is (and most of all dont worry).

My friends lokking after my cards for me.

Have you self excluded yourself yet from the sites you played on?

Filling in my time is something i've got towork out as of yet.

Cat hi we spoke a few days ago on the community forum i really hope u find this helpful.I sat down one night with my son and emailed every single poker site we could find including ones he played on and ones he didnt and emailed them about his problem and potential future problems and to an degree the majority were understanding.I would also if i was you goto your bank and get an basic acct where you cannot use an card online i know there are other ways of funding but without this quick and easy way to fund accts it will im sure help you.These are short term tips and i like everyone here hope that when your salary arrives it goes to pay essential things i wish you all the best ..

Well my first day back at work after a week off and have felt really down all day not sure why just seem to be sinking into my own little world.Booked an appointment with the doctor to see if i can get some one on one counselling cos i think i need it.

Still not gambled but have no money so will have to wait and see how i go when i get some cash.

One of my friends said today "cant you just play poker tournaments for about $20."

The bad devil i have on my shoulder agreed but the good devil on the other shoulder didn't.

I hope the good devil wins more of these battles but at the moment i am finding myself listening to them both.

Still cant face up to downloading Gamblock onto my PC why i'm not sure but i just cant bring myself to do it.I know it sounds daft but it's as if it will be the final closure of a sorry episode in my life.

Thanks for the tips jamesie it helps that there are people out there who care.It helps.

Hi cat

we do care, we.re all in the same boat and need support from each other. the gamblock thing will come cat, putting barriers up is hard because its saying no more, and when its been such a big part of your life its hard to turn your back on it. i'm finding theres certain pubs i cant visit because of the machines there. i've visited these places for years so its hard not to go, and my friends go there to! but so far i'm making the decision not to go there, i'm in control and i'm protecting myself. when the times right and you've really had enough, you'll install the gamblock.

take care cat, claire xx