Starting again.

Tnx Jules for being so polite... as usual!! & you know what?...Tnx for pointing out that my last post is good, you have made my day...I am very happy with it too...Its things like this that makes my days that little bit more special...after all we all deserve this kind of treatment!!

Tnx again!

xx

Hi Easy life,

Thanks for your post on my diary. Yes, I am from Las Vegas. It's nice to meet you as well. I'm very happy to hear that you are doing very well and thinking positive.

Hope to chat with you soon in the *** website...

Stay strong!!

Vegas

Hi diary!!

Well its good news....I was glad to see the ***** guys, website for ex gamblers in recovery and I must say its promising...So, join up...Chat it much more widely available!

well diary here I am again,

I am actually feeling ok.

Its great feeling "normal" I have been on very good terms with my partner...Unlike

yesterday we had a bit of a row...Normal stuff...but it really gets to me when im accused of something I have not done.. I cant wait for christmas so I can get drunk and feel good....It will be cool...I am going to train extra hard over christmas too so I can avoid putting on extra pounds...

I am stuck in limbo about my future and it is quite worrying not knowing what to do...

I was told to do a masters but I dont wanna pay a fortune for it?

So, who knows what im going to do....I dont think a degree is high enough for me to get the big bucks rolling in!

So, about gambling lol...It doesnt occur to me... haha in the background roulette is on the telly 1 sec im just gonna switch ova *done* yh anyway gambling is a dead cell as far as im concerned....But! there is definitely something else on my mind... I beat gambling so I can supress anything I want in my mind...Freud said we all want to fulfil our darkest desires! but we choose not to?...hes weird because I have fulifil some bad stuff when I was younger..but nothing sick or twisted as that dude....What a noob!....I have a feeling inside sometimes that I want to do something that makes me special or stand out from the crowd....I think its a kind of risk taking idea?....I like blurring music driving dangerously...I am a thrill seeker...A secret one though because im discreet at the same time...for instance earlier I was speeding and I beat the traffic and jumped the reds in front of a couple of cars although it was dark....I laughed when I got away from them and saw there headlights disappear in the background..for me only to get caught in the next set of lights when they caught up to me....Was it worth it.... no!! But it released some pressure...

Ohh yh yesterday I was boxing for the first time in da gym and this 19 year old cracked me in the ribs....funny cozz it winded me and I went down....I actually enjoyed it! Really weird....I was getting out my stress although i was taking digs....Why is it when im hurt it feels good....Am i like a little fly thats attracted to the lights only to be frazzled when I get there...It must be human nature to feel and take pain the way we do.....I remember at school I had heaps of fights and lost a lot of them...when I used to get properly beaten up, ater I was the nicest guy to people ....Fight club the film is real although a bit to extreme because it was nothing as violent as that...except for the one or two times....

Anyway I am thinking to myself hmm you think you are a right boy....Well actually I really was although I never felt I was thats why I had such a bad attitude..I aint saying I was a girl of nuffin...But you know it is tough for a guy in this country when young there is a lot of peer pressure?....

Anyway diary...goodnight godbless and love.

Dont judge me. Dont judge you. We all the same....in a nice way.

Peace.

Dervynne.

Hi diary...Not much to tell today just another good day.

Dont forget where you come from! and remember! No amount of money can change a man.... In the real world its kill or be killed....Get used to it!....

Another difficult day that I have managed to nail into my life...Well, Im of to Coventry tommorow to see what a gwan there. So, another long journey ahead....I guess everyone has to face life, in life....and that could be the turning point for us...Unless we just sink back down to the usual level of getting nowhere fast...That is a daunting thought...I really hope we beat the struggle....Good luck guys....

keep it going easylife !!!! though im like russ,i sometimes find your posts a bit difficult to understand but who am i to say as long as it works for you dude,thats all that matters 😉 stay strong friend,we can do this 🙂

Yes I know what you mean wp 🙂 my posts mean a lot of things...so does life...Gambling usually just means one thing...Thats why people find it easy 2 do...I hope you understand that (winning) post...lol...Tekk care!!

Hi easy/fast

I love your posts it's like they're written by Freud and I have to decipher what the hidden meaning is.

So you've been sent to Coventry 😉 stay strong matey, rooting for you.

Smokes out

Hey mate,

Good to see you're still beating the gambling, that's the big cog in going back to a normal life. "nothing to report" for most people would be a bad or dull thing, for me, it means it's all good and no more f*** ups.

As for your masters mate, I think it's a good plan if you can scrape the money together. I'm looking at one myself at the moment, though for me it'd have to be a part-time course, and one that you pay per module so I can afford it.

All the best mate,

Ryan

Hi guys top 1 for posting really appreciate your comments always welcome!!

Well Im in Liverpool tonite...and its mad friday..... and that means party...However, its snowing here? In scouse land lol...

Take care!

...great nite out "Liverpool" is good.....I'm going again!! No gambling f*** that s**t....

Totally agree you can still have a good day/night out without gambling. I still go up town with the same mates I did when I was gambling. They disappear off and on during the afternoon (as I once did); sometimes they don't come back, if they've done the money (as I often did). I don't even think of gambling now, and believe me, there's no one more surprised than me to be writing that. Been offline for a while. Best wishes to all.

A night out in scouse land.....did you survive in those sub arctic conditions. Good to here all is well. Russ

Tnx T.T.S.T.K & Russ 1...

No urge whatsoever...Last night went to party for works do...I gatecrashed HAHA that was fun!!

Good times xx All good!

Merry christmas.