Starting again.

Hi easy....

if a year ago someone had said to you, right over the course of the next year you will gamble and lose £10, would you have taken that?

I know I would take that deal, every year for the rest of my life.

That said, if in your shoes in a years time I hope I would reread my diary from the beginning, I hope I would remember the path I have chosen to go down far too many times I would hope that I could do as matt has suggested, write off the £10 and move on, with a definative plan of not 'chasing' that money.

thanks for posting your experience though, Its a good one for us all to think about!

Dan

Hello mate,i reckon you just had an unusual set of circumstances confronting you, and you reacted in an way that is unusual for you these days,....as far as i would be concerned you most certainly haven't undone all the good work of the last year,try not to dwell on it.

Seano.

Thanks Seano stars, Stumper & Dan-addicted!

It does make perfect sense in what you are all saying, life is unplanned I suppose we just go with the flow....freestlye all the way! However, from time to time, you do have to curb the things that can get out off hand ...I have been thinking what you said,that the situation was highly unusual and I got drawn into it...Almost unknown to myself what I was actually doing?...On the other hand, I guess I cannot undo what has been done and I must be optimistic with my approach to these set of circumstances....Hmm..I guess that my glass is still very full and that little blip is merely a bubble that came to the top and evaporated in to thin air (lol)....I really did regret it at the time and I wish I had took a picture of my face for you to see (haha)....I am so glad that I never went and got more money to play.. it was the way I was defeated that I could not bear...I felt like I needed that cash back...Or at least I was thinking I probably will get that back in a few more spins.. Although deep down I knew I had been cheated once again by the crude system...I had rage written all over my face...My kids encouraged me to forget it and go home...I am so glad that I made the choice to do what they said....I am certain NOW that if I carried on it would have been a bigger disaster....Thank the heavens that the wound WAS damaging...but it could easily heal with a small plaster.....I wish you all well in your recovery..

Easy li£e

Easy,the FOBT thread isn't my diary,just brought it to the first page because a lot of new users may find it interesting.

Seano.

Ahh ok sorry for posting on the wrong diary seano!

Today was relaxing until I had to do some unexpected exercise in the gym....However, all in all, I still feel the slight nag of my misfortune the other day...Not to be deterred from my progess...But a part of me still feels slighty weak from what I have accidently done...I dont know why I feel like this?...I am sure I can just brush it off just like everything else in my life....Cold ha?..

Easy li£e

Hi diary!

Everything is not bad I suppose...I am trying to get my head around my dissertation at the moment..It really is difficult...I cant be bothered to interpret results from journals....However, it is what I have to do, and I am sure as hell determined to get something done!!...I heard you can subject your body and mind to all sorts of stressors and it will adapt...I am sure that I will temporarily adapt then revert back to doing nothing....Only joking! Although the thought of that is quite scary?!....Lots of things on my mind, but no time to think about them, or do anything except training and studies...It takes up a lot of time...But hey, I could be doing a great amount of much worse things for instance; Gambling, then commiting crime because of losing money...That is my old ways and I sure as hell dont want to go back to that..... NO WAY!....

I bumped into a mate today at the gym ...The strange thing is someone only yesterday told me he was in prison (drugs) for seven years?....Weird because it shows you I know absolutely nothing about what is going on in the world, due to my secluded life I now live...Anyway, today hay presto there he was out after god know how many years...Irony is I think I my reflection was bouncing off of him because I was so proud to say I was a Sports Scientist and I kicked my bad habits and old associates years ago.... You see what I am saying is all habits are bad... especially if it means you have to commit crime to feed the habit.....I could very easily fall in to this category if I simply chose to...However, I really think that what I have acheived is exceptional for the fact that I have finally kicked my major downfall in life ....GAMBLING!

Hi Easy, that last post was not lost on me. It's probably one of the best posts I have read. You should be a real inspiration to anybody on here. You've turned your life around from being in a very dark position. I doff my cap to you. Russ

Thank you very much Russ! Glad to be an inspiration...That to me is what life is all about....Being respected for the right reasons...Not being some punk that has just won a fortune that made so many others suffer...And all that win will bring is hate jealousy and suffering....I hate things sometimes...But there is always a glimmer of hope...I reckon people do absolutely crazy things at times...It all boils down to NOT being desperate in difficult situations...I am a hypocrite saying this because I have fallen a billion times at the point of no return....Guys its time to give up...Because I know I have run out of steam...I just hope I keep my mind unbrainwashed....

When I was young "and wild" I believed the goverment hatched a plan against teenagers to make them commit hideous crimes or even kill themselves....I know stupid...But maybe not so stupid...Because teenagers back then, and even now were feared by society and seen as s**m....Sad stereotrype that people portray really....It was only because teenagers are young, strong and maybe a little bit rebellious...It doesnt help what society drums into the mainstream!!..So, once again what I am saying things must have gotten worse because of internet, mainstream P*********y & the big one.... GAMBLING!!

I am so glad that I have gotten to my age at these difficult times!

Easy li£e

I just would like to add that I am feeling low again but it isnt gambling related....Or maybe it is "a form of gambling"...I aint sure? Put it this way it doesnt involve money...Would actual gambling with money wipe away these deep feelings I have?....Who knows?

I

Easy li£e

Easy,gambling with money would do anything to make you feel better,....you know that though:),re the forum,your already registered:).

Seano.

Ty Seano, I think I know the one you are on about now!

Well, in my last 2 posts I was rambling on...It has made me have a long think..

Usually I would wipe away daft things that I post...But I think that it is how I felt so im going to leave it put

.

Anyway, I really do have a paranoid personality disorder and at times it really makes me angry...However, I believe that most of my anger is just depression because I am even to weak to be angry these days....Good job because I would only probably end up in prison..

.I had a long think last night...I was going to do all these things...But when I awoke today I realised I was going to do nothing....Does anyone else act in this way?....Gutted because I want to do things that are morally wrong to satisfy me only...Selfish

....I heard killing is a passion...Just the same as love...And I done a bit of research which led me to the hypothesis that love and hate is an emotion that comes from the same part of the brain...

.Hmmm..I have finally sussed it why all of us succumbed to gambling for so long....We hated it so much we believed we loved it or maybe, it may just, might love us and we couldnt live without this emotional feeling of being wanted and then abandoned, that torments our souls (why do I chase this feeling....especially now in a real life scenario)...

I wish you could see what has happened to me in my life....You will never understand...Just like I wont understand the full extent of your problems....

We CAN work this problem out though?....The help I need cannot be given...I need it from a woman that understands.... (not lady luck) However, she too, will neither, understand me just like you.....And that i believe is the full extent of my pain "today" in life.....

Easy li£e

Is pleasure a part of the pain? Or is pain a part of the pleasure...

Easy li£e

Interesting question, I experienced both this morning!

GT

Thank you GT.

Valentines day....So great..Or maybe not?...It was not the best day for me...All in all it was O.K...Anyway, I wish to POST....Because, it will make me feel better...Or will it.....I am always looking for some kind of attention I think and no offence, I do think whats the point sometimes...Ohh, I am just going to focus on myself....But if i do it really does get lonely...You see you cant win....never...

Hmm..fools gold reminds me of when I was at school and the teacher used to give bricks covered in gold and silver shiny paper...Totally worthless but it sure did catch my eye....

Take care x

Hi Easy--needless to say mate it seems that things in your life appear to be causing you some pain at the moment. I think we all experience times when we question things that are going on--some we can control and effect whilst others are outside our control. I myself have a habit of turning molehills into mountains. As a gambler my highs were always very high but my lows were desperately low with no light at the end of the tunnel at times. Time took care of most things as nothing lasts forever so that situations that I found myself in where I felt there was no way out and gloom and doom were destined to be my partners for life, sooner or later passed and are now just things that happened. Like my gambling losses they are things that are gone for good and cannot be changed by me in any way. Am I sorry for some things I said and did--yes of course I am but at the time I probably meant every word!!.

I was listening to a radio station when a singer I had never heard of called??? Policewoman-yes thats right!!--said that she used to be in a bad place because she was always miserable. Then one day she suddenly decided that she hated being miserable as she herself was unhappy, she found it hard to find or keep friends etc etc so she decided that from then on she wanted to turn her life around and appear happy rather than miserable. At the time I think she found it hard but after a while of basically pretending to be happy she found that she was happier than she had ever been--strange but true story.

I think that I now look at life as the fact that this is not a rehearsal-this is for real-our one and only chance at it. I have made so so many mistakes in my life and it is about time I grew up and looked at life differently. I do not want to put all my money into fobts--so I stay out of bookies and have cancelled my online account. I want to enjoy my life more--I am still working on that one!!

I have absolutely no idea whether any or all of the above makes any sense to myself let alone to you but if it helps then it is a little step on my path of work in progress to make my life happier--if that includes making others lifes happier as well-brilliant.

All the very best as always

Stumper