Starting again.

Hi diary,

Just wanted to report from Thailand that about one week ago I actually went to a casino for the first time in my life.....

I will update the story when I get back...

Just remember I cannot win because I caNNOT STOP....

NO ONE IS IMMUNE TO GAMBLING!

Hi, im in England and was really tempted to gamble as my funds dwindle...I had a great time in Thailand....However, my recent break up from my missus has left me a bit sad...I am off again tommorow to Thailand to a job interview. I just hope that everything will be okay for me?

Lastly, yes I gambled once at savan las vegas or something r other....Basically it was rubbish I lost 10,000 thb (£210) ....It taught me a lesson that getting rich is a dream and gambling keeps that dream alive I suppose....there is much more than dreaming to life...for instance...Living!!

All is not lost I still never gambled for nrly 18 months.

Im officially back...

guess what...After 5months in Thailand I am a train wreck and went off the rails today and played all those beautiful games, I won something, but I really don't want to go into that again thats why im here....Hey guys, I let loose in Thailand and was desperate to get back and earn after spending a fortune there, I had many nr death experiences out there...and I believe I am very lucky...Hence the urge....Hmm...I really want to win the lottery!!? but I dont want to lose anything...Trouble is I went and had a £300 dabble and put it in fobts today,,, only after a rollercoaster ride did I get it back and a few quid more...Was it worth it...ummmm...NO!! I shouldnt say this but I want around 10-100k..

Ok.. so maybbe not do what I said in the last sentence of of previous post...

Anyway, had a succesful day no gambling...urges yes..gambled..NO!

Easy Li£e

umm..dont know if this is a sneeky way of gambling but i gave my son a tenner to do the lottery...although i said he chooses the numbers..just curious as to whether he'll or I will win because i believe that I am lucky..Or it could be down to the fact I spent a fortune whilst away...Anyway after tody it is work work work....Towards a new and gamble free future..

Firstly, I would just like to mention that this site in the past has been a great help to me. However, at the moment I am feeling really down and I need support guys! Today I actually went into the bookies and won on every single game...I.e ******* ******* slots e.t.c I actually got the pots twice, got a full screen twice of the biggest wins, and got that little lepricuan guy at least six times (over several hours on different machines)...this all amounts to about 2k win..Furthermore, some guy walked in a bunged a tenner on 35 and lost. so, I just chekily played his bet when he left and won around £360... Anyway, that isn't the end of it Later on I decided to play roulette....and guess what...Yes I ended up losing around £1500....Trouble is I feel so guilty about it...I told my partner that I actually won 2k...I dont want to be that loser I have always been...Why am I slipping back into the depression of being a misfit again? I know that 'I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP' so what is happening I do not know (i ended up in a pub not even buying a drink and hearing people socializing and having fun whilst my nose was freezing and I was hitting buttons on a cruddy deal or no deal machine) wondering what the hell am I doing?...I think that I am unhappy since arriving in the UK.... I have really been thinking about joining a casino tonight to try to get my money back....Although I will not!! That is just even dumber than what I have done tonight...Thing is initially I won and people in Thailand told me im lucky and I believed it because I escaped death a fair amount of times whilst their...but that was real...And machines are just fake....

Look forward to hearing from you guys...please.

Today = £550 win

£2500 loss

£1550 Net loss

No more, thats it. Shall I try to get it back? no I think the guys can keep the money.

Easy li£e

Hi easy life

If you really want to make a start in recovery I would go and self exclude from every gambling haunt you know. This may take several hours or a few days but hey ho! Sounds like you have plenty of time at the moment. If you can go abroad and have near death experiences then self excluding should be a breeze. Let me know how you get on! Take care

Thanks for the feedback...but if i am to waste time banning myself that wouldnt be the answer because I probably find another way to gamble. However, I understand tht this is a good solution for but I succesfully stopped for nearly two years without the embarrassment of self excluding.

easy li£e

Easy life, good to hear that you are alive! It would appear that you have gone back to your 'fast life' days. It sounds like you probably overindulged yourself in Thailand. All the boundaries and barriers that you had imposed on yourself in the UK were gone. Life back in the UK is nothing compared to the fun and excitement you had in Thailand. The gambling is acting as some sort of replacement. You need your thrill and you are reverting back to your old ways. The truth is that you can't live like you were in Thailand.....nobody can really. It's time to face reality, but the barriers back in place, take one day at a time and start again. You had your fun now it's time to live in the real world. Be thankful for what you have and start again. You've done it before and you can do it again. It's time to return to easylife! Russ

Firstly, thanks so much Russ1!!! I really need that boost and I am so glad that up till now you understand what has gone on in my life...You hit the nail on the head...What happened in Thailand certainly stays there...You are exactly right in every sense..I was wild out there and that kind of risky behaviour is the kind that I am seeking....For instance, I nearly joined a poker site just now...All to just delete it again...

The good news is I stillI have money left over and I booked my flight back early just to make sure I dont overspend...I ask myself why?? Because I was trying to be careful out there and then I come back to this!! I am extremely unhappy with myself...

The worst thing is that I lied to my partner and told her I actually won 2k...I dont want to lie but I am sick to death of guilt...I really am desperate to find work now!! I am bored and want to build up money in my account....I believe I came back worse than when I went...It broke my family up...

I left my partner and secured a 1 year contract whilst there...However, a day before the contract and work permit started I decided to turn it down....

I was homesick.....Although I had the sexiest Thai girlfriend (h****r/ maybe?) I still needed money as I was spending like a had a bottomless bank account...

Now, back to face the harsh reality that I have to work just like anyone else...Trouble is I cant find work I have had lots of sorry letters so far....

I know I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.... Winning at first yesterday was very easy....And losing seemed easier...How stupid I have been ...I suppose it could be a lot worse....

One more thing..I dont know if i mentioned this..But I knew I was a total addict last night cozz after they chucked me out of bookies I ended up in the pub spinning reel on fruit machines....I noticed a group of people having a drink and could hear there voices....I really felt like a horrible tramp listening to them enjoying themselves, whilst I was just standing there feeding a machine....Then they walked past and left..I actually felt like a tramp...Suddenly I realised that I was playing a silly game and left for home....

Fast/ Easy li£e

The urges are back..How can I cope with it?

Fast li£e

There is nothing to be ashamed of about self-excluding. Please think about trying it and if you are worried about the cost of passport sized photos, why not print an A4 sheet full of mug shots of you and carry them around in your wallet whenever you feel the urge.

I am sorry to hear that those urges are coming back strongly at you at the moment. The reason they are there is because they want to take that £550 away from you.

Don't let them!

If I were you, I would think of that experience that you have just had as a wake up call to what gambling really is all about. Yes, two pots and two full screens amongst others did happen in one day but you MUST remember that is incredibly, incredibly rare.

It WON'T happen again!

What is far more important is the fact that you lost £1500 so quickly after that. I certainly remember similar days that you had and losing hundreds after such a successful period seemed like losing nothing.

Oh, how I can do with those hundreds right now....!

Or to put it in an even better perspective...

...Oh, how I can do with £550 now!

Why not challenge yourself and 'lose' that £550 very, very slowly. I mean in the right way, not gambling but every time you go shopping for food or down the pub for a drink, just use that budget of £550.

And see how long that lasts.

Then when it's all gone, start your easy life all over again.

Hope this helps.

We don't want you to go back to having a fast life.

All the best,

GT

Thanks for the support...

I wont be going back to putting money in machines in a hurry..

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP..

Glad to hear that mate.

Enjoy your weekend.

Gamble-free, of course!

GT

Thanks for your post on my diary.

But...

...so sorry to say that the answer to your question and what you are currently thinking about...

...you won't get your money back.

Sorry to be harsh but you really have to face facts and look to the future now. The past is gone and you can do nothing about it.

But you can do plenty about your future by making all the right choices for yourself from now on.

And that includes no chasing!

GT