Starting again.

DAY 1.

I know it wont be easy for me...

Hi Li£e,

Always followed your thread with great interest because you write how you think, unadulterated thoughts (often quite entertaining! Until you gamble then quite scary), and I feel that I can relate to your way of thinking not just surrounding gambling but life in general.

Going to ask you a few questions that I often ask myself:

“What do I need to achieve in life to be happy?”

And

“Can I achieve the above with hard work and abstinence?”

I want to be content in my relationship(s) and to be moving forward in my job, and I honestly think I can achieve them through hard work and abstinence.

If your goals are similar to mine then I imagine they can be achieved by hard work and abstinence. What I’m trying to say (very long way round!) is that our ambitions can be achieved, there is only us in the way. Get back to basics Li£e concentrate on hard work and abstinence hopefully by the end of 2012 we will truly be living an Easy Li£e.

Thanks!! First Aid..

I know what I have done wrong...I have let many, many demons get the better of me...Which allowed gambling to slip into the back door too....Really stupid move...However, I still believe that I did do well although I have been gambling again...I want to turn this addiction away...I am sure I can do it...I have to be positive...Yesterday, I remember the decision to start...That was the turning point...Hopefully, I will learn from that instant decision..It was like making a decision to do something really important? It couldnt be beaten...It was a very strong urge and once my mind was made up ....I slipped into CG mode....I could go over, and over what I have done....But unfortunately it wont bring back any money...just, what ifs?? Anyway, I am a true believer of winning is losing and losing is actual winning....For instance, who would ever stop when ahead? only a crazy person would...How can you walk away from luxury? unless you find religion and are overwhelmed by suffering only then perhaps you would turn down a fortune...(however small) On the other hand, losers like us would turn down money because we know to well that adrenaline rush of winning is too much....

Crazy because I could of walked away many times a{Dk}head...and sometimes I believe that I did....The ratio of winning to losing on any person is probably like a machine so much in so much out....However, we are humans and no matter what goes in goes back in...we aint machines...we just played that bit extra....but we are wired emotionally...and have thing called hormones that can create havoc....for instance I sat there last night in a trance wishing that I dont wake up today because of the destruction I have caused .....

Two big slips in two years..

Wow....Nearly 2 years I have had my diary and I have lost 3k...Not bad...That is positive for me....I have to be positive...Because when I started I lost 12k in one year...

This time around after losing only 15oo I broke down....That must be a good sign...Telling myself that money is worth something....

Hiya Easy,

Sorry to hear of recent events, and I hope your okay. I'm glad your back to posting 🙂 I like what First Aid has posted, from my own experience of having a long period of abstinance, getting back to basics and hard work did reap it's rewards...my slip ups of last year were like mini spanners in the works..but on the positive side, I learned many valuble lessons, and I'm now totally committed to life time abstinance. But hey one day at a time 🙂 Keep Posting and Keep Strong Easy x

Love Del

I must have posted while you were posting easy....winning is losing and losing is winning...yep! I get that. So true.

Snap! I knew we were alike...haha..I thought exaclty the same thing..

Hiya Easy,

I was going to post to you a few weeks back and make the comment where we separated at birth ...you'll know which post I mean when I say I found out I was going to be a Mum after my adventures.

Del 🙂 xo

I think we were haha....

I am feeling much better already...trying to be positive...I have a long, long way to go....

I will post as much as I can...This is important to me now!!

Lets just put it down to bad practise and awful christmas/new year....

I just hope this year is awesome!!

Feel better after a good sleep...However, a bit gloomy seeing as it is my first day...or day 2...I have a huge task ahead... Anyway, I decided I do not want the money back...

Yesterday I started my new job...Well I have moved store 3 times now....I hate my job its quite awful....And yesterday I was told to make 30 mini fillets (kfc)....I was in the middle of doing something...So, I dropped that and quickly did the task...However, I never cleaned the table after...When the cooker came back he started shouting and swearing at me in polish....I left it...But he kept banging things....So, in the end I asked him if he had a problem....Blah blah blah... Anyway, I went into the storeroom and broke down... I know it is pathetic but I havent been going through good times recently....

So, after a girl and him kept talking in Polish (I dont care about work policy or whatever, they just stuck together and made up silly excuses for him being rude, then had the cheek to blame me)...I am sure they replayed the camera and spotted me having a cry....Funny?...Rubbish job, nasty people and another thing is I aint going to take s**t off people who are no better than me....(first day).

Back to non gambling....No more....I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP...

Easy li£e

Hey Li£e,

You know that decision makes sense (the money) it may not seem like it now but it does.

It sounds like you may be depressed, I can empathise with alot of what you say I’m prone to the odd breakdown and can become tearful over the smallest things, but I’ve never done anything about it, have you? To be honest I’m the closest I’ve ever been to going to the doctors, don’t know if it will work but I’m building up the courage. Think about it please.

Now for the big question:

Do we gamble because we are depressed?

Or

Are we depressed because we gamble?

I honestly don’t know, probably a mix of the two.

Just a last little note Li£e, I’m having the same temptations that you are, the same thoughts are in my head, lets be strong together.

Hope you have a better day.

Hello mate and thanks for the post on my diary.

You, I and many many others know that life sure as hell ain't easy. At time it can be ridiculously hard and when we gamble we already know I think that by doing that it will make things worse but for that short period when we gamble we can escape the reality of our lives. It is only after we suffer losses that we come back to our senses.

As you said on one of your posts--winning is losing --that is so so tru for the likes of us as wins are merely ways for us to get money so we can gamble again. The winning is both ultimately impossible for us and in the short term meaningless as we will give it back along with a lot more both financially and emotionly each time we fall back into our ways.

We both have the chance to make 2012 a great year--but not if we treat is as we have done with other years. Gambling is meaningless to us as we both know that we:

CANNOT WIN BECAUSE WE CANNOT STOP

Of course this still means we cannot lose if we do not start.

Good luck with your recovery mate.

All the best

Stumper

Hi mate,

I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I have had to take you off the 2012 gambling free list.

It is purely my fault for putting you on in the first place and I can only apologise for this.

Someone reminded us all that all the people on the list needed to be completely free of gambling as per the rules that I set out in the second post.

I will make it clear on the thread that you are not being removed because of a relapse, it is purely because I made the mistake of putting you on there in the first place.

I hope that you are so true to your name and that you contnue to live an easy life by continuing to stay well away from this gambling madness.

All the best,

GT

Thanks guys,

it doesn't come as a surprise to me about the list...Anyway, urges are already trying to creep in...all the what ifs?... I had call today that they dont need me in work? Secondly, a casino rang me asking if everything was ok?I said yes and that was it?...I never intended to tell them about my problem ....I am sure I can deal with it...all i need to do is control my mind!!