Starting again.

Hi Li£e,

Sorry to hear you have had a hard time since you have been back. Had to really question my mental health when reading your recent posts, was sat thinking did I post this is Li£e really me (!) From compulsive spending to suicidal thoughts we seem to mirror each other, I suppose it’s just an addict’s mindset.

It’s fantastic that you have got help, it must have been a big step to take massive kudos and respect for doing this. So what’s next Li£e? Is there any way of resolving the issue with your kids mum? It seems to be a trigger for you.

Keep posting Li£e, you can see from the responses you received that people really care.

If you want my mobile number give me a shout on my diary, I really need the support to.

Really sorry guys that I aint been around...Still trying to figure out how im going to make ends meet...Imagine gambling urges are so cheeky...even after losing a fortune...you still have the gambling pang to try some more..I cannot believe the audacity of the mind set...It really is awful...Emotionally Im bursting at the sides..

Easy life

Hey man,

I know what your going through its the same for me, have you got anyone to talk to apart from on here?

How are you doing with the basics? I always struggle with eating and sleeping suppose its just punishing yourself.

addiction is supposed to to be an emotional illness so what you are feeling is natural, but I'm confident that abstinance and hard work will provide us with the emotional security that we need to feel content with life.

Here for you man.

Hiya Easy,

Try and get them emotions out...cry, punch a few pillows..take a long walk/run.....do anything and tell them gambling urges to f away off. There has been many a time I come onto to my diary, wrote out what all is causing me grief, cried in the process....and then deleted it. Then got back to the practicalities of what I'm going to do. I was in a right mess last year, emotionally and financially so I feel for you mate.

You CAN change things around Easy. Try not to look at the big picture, one day at a time ..take care and big hugs. Thinking of you.

Love Del x

Really a huge thank you!!! I adore you guys giving me support....I want to help too... I really believe that no one understands us, except of course guys/gals like us...It is so sad that sympathy and support comes from addicts themselves...We all should have jobs as councellors because half of them have no 1st hand experience...I think that the world is a huge mess...We are washed up somewhere within it!!! Why cant we be rich and put all the fatcats in our shoes for a day...They would be dead for sure!!!

I have to get a job...Not just any old job..One that actually pays the bills..Not many of them around?.... I will turn this around.... I dont wish to wait around for a miracle to drop from the sky....It will happen soon though...

I have so much to tell you guys...But if I told you the ful extent of my problems you would say sorry you in deep...Or I can understand why you did it now....

It is an emotional time for me right now....If i can sort out the money issue, then there is still a huge amount of things to work through...So, I know now introducing gambling back into my life not only opened a door that is difficult to close...The problems I built whilst totally free from gambling are still there...Double trouble.

I have to be even stronger to win this battle... I think

THIS HAPPENED WHEN I QUIT SMOKING I RELAPSED ONCE...THEN NEVER AGAIN....ITS BEEN 7 YEARS...

P.s

IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME I EVER GAMBLED.....

Easy life.

I am already rich...

..rich in values.

And so are you. To me that's the most important thing to have in life.

Those gambling bosses have no values in life at all and i do feel sorry for them sometimes.

Just remember that you are a good person.

GT

Tnx GT

You are very right....

Anxiety is another term for compulsive gambling...

I feeling much better today as I sold my car which is a good start to recovery... and debt settling...

Just thought I would drop in and say thanks guys for support and this diary helps....

Easy.

I DONT EVER, EVER WANT TO GO BACK TO GAMBLING FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 100 YEARS!!!

No gambling for the rest of your life then?

Sounds perfect to me!

Just keep remembering how you have been feeling in those past few days and weeks.

That alone should ensure that you never, ever venture into the dark side ever again.

GT

Tnx GT...

You are only to right in what you say...It is very lonely and dark along the winding road ahead.... The begining is the part so easy to find my way back...Lets hope that I get so far that I can never go back....Only forward to success..

Easy.

Hey Li£e

All I can say is keep going and your not alone, when gambling I also compulsively spend, auction sites deal sites anything were I believe I am getting good value. Gambling or spending when in action I am out of control.

I understand when you say that you have left a lot unsaid on the forum, I have too, things that have shook me to the core but other people have to deal with similar issues too and not turn to addiction, I know people who have lost a child but manage still to keep going and also manage to support me as well, so all I’m saying is that you can overcome your problems I suppose we have got to believe in ourselves.

Li£e I’m sure you have a lot to bring to a relationship and I’m sure it will come in time, do you really want one now? Wouldn’t you be lying to cover up your lost money or worrying about how much to tell your new partner about your addiction. When free from gambling for a long period of time you will start to feel better, gain more confidence and generally become more attractive to the opposite s*x (assumptions made !).

Can other people love you when you don’t love yourself?

Keep going man.

Tnx first aid...That is the bandage I was looking for...I do really want to spill out my problems...But I think that the problems ar quite difficult for anyone to understand...Can we as people feel others pain...No we can only sympathise and imagine what it is like...I went to the Dr and he was really on a different planet...I decided to skip them in the future...Yes I needed help....Not the kind of help from someone who has plenty of income a flash car and other patientsthat they feel they need tosee before me....Ok, my illness is self inflicted and many would see as my own fault....The only way out of this hole is to climb to the top....I will get there...I am much stronger than before....However, my mental state can detiorate to a very dark place which is trggered by gambling....For instance, I quit for two years...Then I begin to take on new forms of compulsivness....Then I go back to gambling because the new learnt behaviour is difficult to handle. So here is the eqaution;

GAMBLING - GAMBLING = MONEY.

MONEY + WOMEN = s*x - MONEY

0.5 MONEY = PROBLEMS + GAMBLING

GAMBLING + 00 MONEY = PROBLEMS X2

Hope you understand?

Ohh 1 more part.

s*x = BABY = PROBLEMS X3

Easy life

I nearly gambled today...I just paid off 1k to a corrupt online casino...

So, tempted because I am in debt..Was going to download a poker site and had false belief I would rake in money over a long period of time.... See the thing is I cant sit around doing nothing whilst unemployed...The bills are racking up??

I wish that I never even thought about doing it....My overdraft was used...then I had a u planned overdraft stating that I needed to pay an extra 1 thousand pounds...so i did? however, down the line i probably wont be able to pay my bills.

Hi Li£e

Its natural to feel like this you’re a compulsive gambler, the important thing is you didn’t gamble, how did you stop yourself?

“See the thing is I can’t sit around doing nothing whilst unemployed”

You don’t have to do nothing, I assume that a lot of your time is spent looking for a job? That’s got to be a priority, is your CV the best it can be? After looking for a job you could invest time into your recovery, there must be more blocks that you can get into place, do you do the free counselling provided by Gamcare? Any free time after that you could use to try and improve you, healthy body healthy mind and all that. Anything but gamble.

ODAAT

Keep going Li£e.